Shame sucks. We think having sexual shame sucks, too. Unless you're doing something that isn't consensual, shame is pointless. It's like chewing bubble gum to try to solve an algebra equation. So of course, we support those who take shame & fear and use it to their benefit. Devi Ward talks about shame and how she just doesn't care anymore.
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Recently I had a video banned by Youtube for being “too explicit”. Sexually that is. It’s a trailer clip for our online Authentic Tantra Education, which features live Yoni-G-spot massage demonstrations, featuring yours truly as the "demo model." I also go through a full sexual healing experience, which we were thrilled to capture on film, as unstaged, authentic sexual connection is rare and beautiful to behold. As a result of all my out there, in your face sexual demonstration, many people have referred to me as bold or brazen.
I simply call myself shameless. Shame, especially sexual shame is something that we are taught. We are not born experiencing shame about our bodies, our genitals, our self-expression. It is an emotional experience that we are socialized to accept as a normal part of our human experience .
“You should be ashamed of yourself". Moreover, ”You have done something that someone else has judged as inappropriate, therefore you should feel guilty and shameful about your choices.” Now granted, there are actions in life that are, “inappropriate” such as causing harm to another human being or life-form. But in the realm of our sexuality, we are conditioned to believe that our genitals themselves are shameful, touching ourselves is shameful, sexual expression at all is shameful.
And the tactics for inducing this sense of shame are not overt, which is what makes them so insidious and difficult to recognize. They are simply part of our socialization, as I said. Example: young boy or girl (3-4yrs) laying on the couch naked, happily fondling their genitals, blissful. Shameless. Parent/adult walks in the room “Stop that right now. Don’t do that!”
That child has just been emotionally informed that there is something
very wrong with touching themselves and feeling that type of pleasure. They are scared, confused, and feel what? Shame. That sort of shame, genital shame, sexual shame is then reinforced for the rest of our lives in this culture. That leaves sexual wounds.
Our role models for healthy, embodied sexual expression are none. We have none. And as humans we need role models. We need a living, visual representation of where we want to go, how we want to be, and what we hope to achieve. It’s part of our blueprint.
So, all of that emotional/sexual guilt, shame, fear, repression gets stored in our subconscious mind. Imprinted in the cellular tissue of our bodies. The shame functions below our conscious and thought patterns to influence our sexual behavior and enjoyment for the rest of our lives. Until you begin to change that. Until you begin to actively examine & explore your boundaries.
Until you begin to question your “program”. Travel a little outside of your comfort zone, and run into those internal barriers that had been placed there by people as wounded as yourself, before you became so wounded.
Our culture perpetuates sexual dysfunction by having sexually dysfunctional people teaching our children about sex. Sexually dysfunctional people teaching US about sex!? If a woman has never had more than a clitoral orgasm, should she really be teaching other women about their sexual potential? If a man ejaculates in 2-7 minutes of penetration, should he be telling other men about how to have great sex (or not have it with abstinence-only education)?
The reason I am shameless is because I have explored my sexual boundaries, and I continue to do so. I have experienced the 8 Different Orgasms for Women. I have screamed during sex, cried during sex, farted, laughed, & squirted across the room. I have even peed.
I have spread my legs and my wings, and flown in the sky of orgasmic bliss for hours on end. I know what is possible and I am excited to discover even more. The end result of all of this sexual freedom, joy, bliss & exploration? An utter and complete lack of sexual guilt & shame. Courage is what it took to go there in the first place.
For now, just call me sexually shameless. Originally posted on
Devi's Blog.
Devi Ward passionately believes that the key to accessing personal potential & soul empowerment lies in the full integration of human sexuality with spiritual consciousness. Her instruction contains some of the most powerful, lineage based, authentic Tantric sexual & non-sexual teachings available today, Taoist sexual yoga, and Sacred Erotic Dance.
She is the Founder of Feminine Emergence and Co-Founder of Authentic Tantra™. Devi calls upon her own experience of sexual healing & personal transformation to empower women in fully embracing their sacred sensuality. She specializes in using sensual awareness as a vehicle for personal transformation, life-empowerment, and spiritual growth. Her first book “Shake Your Soul Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art of Self-Pleasure” is scheduled for release in October 2012.
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