Podcast! Kelly Shibari Talks Feminist Porn & Self-Acceptance (NSFW)

Kelly Shibari is not your typical adult entertainer. A successful business woman and self-proclaimed "intelligent hedonist," Kelly is out to break stereotypes about porn stars and take on obstacles dealing with body image.

We sat down to chat with her about her unique niche in the porn industry and why she couldn't be happier about it (which we recorded for your listening pleasure).

More on what we talked about:

• Born and raised in Japan, Kelly was aware of her weight at a young age. "I was always a bigger kid...it wasn't until I came to the states that I realized I wasn't as big as people made me out to be," Kelly says.
• Kelly believes working in porn helped improve her self-esteem and body image, and aided in shedding some of the negative thoughts she held as a child about her own body.
• Kelly's most recent film, "Kelly Shibari is Overloaded," is a different kind of porn in that is helps break the stereotype that plus-size porn stars are "just a pretty face" who don't do the extreme sex scenes that are generally reserved for more slender women.
• What makes "Overloaded" feminist porn for Kelly? Its sense of female empowerment and her being in control of the scenes. "If you're a gentleman, you get the sexiest part of me, if you're a jerk you don't get anything sexy about me," she says of her male fans who took part.
• Kelly believes "Overloaded" and similar films allow fans to see that you don't always have to be inside the box - be experimental and branch out, but put safety first, she advises.
• Tips for being comfortable with your own sexuality? Do your research before you experiment and find positive and fun in everything you do, Kelly recommends. Trying new things helps you find out what turns you on and what works for you!

More about Kelly:

Kelly is a voluptuous, naturally busty Asian porn performer/director/producer who has been happily breaking stereotypes about big girls, Asians, and pornstars all at the same time for the past six years. She runs several sites –PaddedKINK (NSFW), a plus-size fetish site; ThePRSMGroup, a social media consultancy for the adult industry, and KellyShibariXXX (NSFW), her personal site for fans of her porn work.

In 2011, she won the Feminist Porn Award for PaddedKINK, and was featured in Rammstein’s music video for their song “Mein Land”. She just released my first self-produced “fanbang” film, “Kelly Shibari Is Overloaded“ (NSFW), and is preparing to be one of the headliners for BBWFanFest, the first-ever adult convention for plus-size adult performers and models. She is also a recurring substitute co-host for Playboy Radio’s “Night Calls” and Spice Radio’s “YouPorn” shows. To connect with Kelly, visit her Facebook page or follow her on Twitter @KellyShibari.

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Podcast! Bonnie Gabriel on Talking Dirty

We've gotten several questions about the topic of talking dirty. We thought the best person to ask about pillow talk is the professor herself. As a speaker, educator, and author of the popular book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite and Enchant Your Lover With Words, Bonnie Gabriel knows better than anyone that there is much more to arousal than just the physical.

So GetLusty's Erica Grigg caught up with Bonnie to chat about talking dirty. The "Professor of Pillow Talk" had lots to say about introducing wordplay into the bedroom. Read on!


What we talked about:

• Ever want to talk dirty? Bonnie included many tips and ideas!
• While most people think erotic talk means "talking dirty," it is actually only one aspect of a much wider topic. "Erotic talk is any form of verbal communication that arouses desire," says Bonnie.
• Feeling self-conscious about opening up verbally with your partner? Start slowly with erotic questioning and ease into connecting words to your feelings.
• Learning how to be an erotic listener for your partner can be just as important as being an erotic talker.
• "Create an erotic safety net with words" by being with your significant other in a nonjudgmental way. Instead of criticizing your partner, tell them what you want instead. Also, acknowledge and take responsibility for your own reactions rather than blaming them on your partner, Bonnie recommends.
• Learn each other's trigger words - use the words that commonly turn both of you on, or make up some of your own!
• Having trouble knowing what to say? Read erotic novels to each other to become more comfortable with erotic language.

More about Bonnie:

Bonnie Gabriel, M.A., has been teaching seminars on verbal erotica in the USA since 1992. She is author of the Bantam/Random House book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite, and Enchant Your Lover with Words (available through Amazon.com).

Bonnie holds a M.A. in counseling from New York University and has taught at Bernard Baruch College (City University of New York), the New School for Social Research and NYU. Her warmth, wit, and wisdom make her a sought after speaker.

Called “The Professor of Pillow Talk” by San Jose Mercury News reporter Murry Frymer, Bonnie Gabriel has conducted seminars on sexual communication issues for such professional associations as the National Sexuality Symposium and the Association for Humanistic Psychology, as well as lay workshops for the Learning Annex, and sex ed classes for San Francisco State University.

To read more from Bonnie, visit her website and blog at lovetalk.org, or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter @PillowTalkProf.

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Podcast! Eric Amaranth on Keeping Monogamy Steamy

Eric Amaranth took an unusual approach to his training as a sex coach by apprenticing under the legendary Betty Dodson for ten years instead of going to graduate school, but he wouldn't change a thing about it.

Now with his own practice, Eric uses his unique form of therapy to help clients with intimacy and adding novelty to the bedroom. We chatted with him and recorded his insights for your listening pleasure.

More on what we talked about:

• What got Eric into sex coaching? He noticed a need for people who could professionally teach how to create pleasure rather than simply treating sexual abuse or dysfunction.
• He apprenticed under Betty Dodson for ten years, forming a long-running professional, emotional, and physical relationship with his mentor.
• Although he and Betty were non-monogamous, there are disadvantages to adapting that lifestyle, Eric says; jealousy, especially when your partner's other lovers have a skill or advantage that you don't possess, can be one of the biggest challenges.
• A big challenge for monogamous couples? Adding novelty and variety to your relationship. Try new things, add them to your repertoire, and practice, practice, practice! Sex can lose its excitement even if you're awesome in bed, he says.
• Waiting for someone to come along to help you recreate an explosive first time experience? Don't hold your breath, Eric says. Don't get overly attached to an isolated moment because it pressures your partner to recreate an event that may not be possible the second time around.
• What does Eric recommend add novelty to a long-term relationship? Turn off the TV! Even if it's just for 10-15 minutes, re-orient your priorities and you may be surprised how much time is left over for intimacy.
• Want sex to be spontaneous? Even when sex is planned, add anticipation by sending sexy texts to your significant other throughout the day to help build up to the big event.

More about Eric:

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Eric is not a psychology-based “sex therapist,” which is the term that the public uses to refer to every professional in his field, regardless of training background. After graduating from The College of William and Mary, he went on to become the ten-year protege of pioneering sex coach Betty Dodson, PhD.

Eric’s sex life coaching is made for adults. He has knowledge and methodology differences that set him apart from what psychology-based sex therapists have to offer. Individuals and couples are guided toward the sexual relationship, intimacy, and connection goals they desire most. Upon request, he also coaches his clients on the holistic wellness and sexual health and STD information he has successfully integrated into his own life.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in  love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by affectionate touch and breathtaking sexual capability. It’s what keeps partners close through the hard times. It makes partners and spouses into lovers, not distant roommates. It gives you hot sex as well as loving sex. It builds sexual desire and makes us feel alive and happy. This feeling is a crucial oasis. It lowers stress and improves our professional, marital and parenting lives. It also contributes to physical, mental, and emotional health and happiness.

Eric sees consistent success in his coaching practice with eliminating two things: clients’ infidelity interests or activities and considerations of breakup or divorce based on sexual problems and imbalances. Eric works with clients from all over the world toward his ambitious goal that his brand of sex life coaching would one day significantly reduce the instances of divorce. That’s the big picture that Amaranth wants to paint for people today and tomorrow.

Eric lives in New York City, in Manhattan, with his much-loved girlfriend. Connect with Eric on his website, www.sexlifecoachnyc.com, or find him on Facebook and Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

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Interview! Sexologist Megan Stubbs on Amazing Sex & Sex Education

We've been seeing the great work Megan Stubbs has been doing to help couples improve their sex lives. Well, we caught up with Megan and, of course, had tons of questions. How does one move closer towards the path of becoming a sex educator? Check out our interview below. Megan definitely had tons of great insights to provide to GetLusty couples. Learn more about Megan below our interview.

* * *


What do you find is most challenging for the couples in having amazing sex?

I think couples today really struggle with two main issues: communication and a lack of time. We live in a busy time where we are connected by our phones, computers, Facebook, and social lives. When it comes to our partners, we often take our time with them as a given.

People (couples included) often forget that the easiest way to get what they want, is to ask for what they want, or even need. And I often get strange looks when I recommend to people that they should schedule time for sex. I’m not saying pencil it in as “Sex with Kevin – 6:00pm Thursday”, but rather, set aside time for they two of you to be together. I had a professor that once said, “People will spend more time trying to fix their toilet than their relationship.” If time together as a couple is as important as you think it is, make time for it! It’s just the really simple things that people often overlook.

How do you think couples you see define 'amazing sex'?

I think they see great or amazing sex as when both parties are satisfied in more than just a sexual way. They are content in their relationship mentally, physically, and emotionally. Of course it can be different for everyone. Though, those also seem to be the main points that keep being mentioned by couples I meet and advise.

How do you measure success as a sex educator and sexologist?

Success to me is whenever I have been able to help someone. Whether it is me giving them permission to do something or helping them realize that they are “normal”, it reassures me that I am doing a good thing.

How did you get into sex education and sexology?

I would have to say it was my hidden destiny. I’ve always had a knack for science, so after high school I went to pursue a biology degree with a pre-med emphasis. Everything was going well until I realized that I couldn't do chemistry to save my life. That completely derailed my train to an MD.

I was in a slight panic because I didn’t know what to do with a general biology degree. It was happy fate one day at the grocery store that my path was illuminated for me. I was browsing through a magazine reading a sex article, and the thought “who writes these articles?” hit me. I saw the word “sexologist” and I said, “hmmm.” I went home and searched for degrees in sexology, as if such a thing existed. Sure enough, It was a real thing! After thinking it, I had always been that highly curious, sometimes inappropriate friend who was always reading or talking about sex. Once I saw that this was a valid career path, I was in! It has been a long road, but I finally graduated in June of 2012 with my Doctorate in Human Sexuality. I like to say that I am a happy blend of science and sex.

What do you find most challenging about being a sexologist?

It's very difficult, especially as a fresh graduate, to be taken seriously. First of all, here in West Michigan, hardly anyone outside of my group of friends has heard of the term sexologist. I often get asked what is sexology, what I do, and if I went to school for that. It is a combination of unfamiliarity and a certain level of taboo that impede me from doing everything that I would like to be doing.

Moreover, I have been met with positive reinforcement and people are genuinely excited to see what I intend to bring to our city. I’ve only had a few naysayers, but to quote Ellen, “My haters are my motivators.”

What's next for you over the next 6-12 months?

Just keep hustling! I’m at the cusp of being able to make the transition to doing sexology full time. I’ll be continuing my television and radio presence here in Grand Rapids and hopefully expanding to broader markets too.

I want to start offering monthly or bi-monthly workshops for men and women on various sexuality topics and that isn’t just limited to Grand Rapids! I will be leading seminars in Denver and Florida in 2013 at conventions hosted by SwingFest Events and fingers crossed, I will have my book I’ve been working on in the final stages of getting published. And of course I will be writing, reading, and researching all of the latest and greatest in sex and sexuality.

More about Megan

Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

Dr. Megan is a firm believer that knowledge is power and that comprehensive sex education is not only valuable to budding teens, but to all of society. This Sexologist strives to break down the societal norms that sex is still a taboo subject and wants to normalize the conversation. She wants to empower everyone into taking control and respecting their sexuality.

Offering candid insights, sex positivity, and open mindedness, Megan is on the fast track to becoming one of the premiere voices in sex today. Increasing public awareness through sex education, media work, hosting seminars, and in one-on-one sessions, she hopes to make the world a little more open and communicative one day at a time. This multiracial sex educator is young, passionate, and ready to take the world head-on. 'Like' Megan on Facebook and Twitter @SexologistMegan.

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Podcast! Dr. Jenn on Tips for an Amazing Relationship

Dr. Jenn, also a writer for GetLusty for Couples, is an inspiring lady. We met her at CatalystCon, and since have been in a flurry publicizing the multitude of amazing things she's doing to save the relationships of couples everywhere.

We had a chat recently and recorded it for our audience. What a valuable resource for couples! Stay tuned, as we announce Dr. Jenn's first eBook especially for ladies

More about our podcast

• What drew Dr. Jenn to the human sexuality aspect of sociology? A self-proclaimed "good girl" when she was in college, Dr. Jenn joined the Sexual Health Peer Educators to become comfortable with public speaking and her interests in sex, sexual health, and power dynamics in gender evolved from there.
• What are girls taught versus what are boys taught growing up, says Dr. Jenn, presents a problematic power dynamic for women as it puts women at a disadvantage with less freedom surrounding sexuality. Society fosters negative and shameful feelings about sexuality, when it should really be open and widely discussed!
• What are some of the biggest issues Dr. Jenn's seen for couples? In younger couples, technology and social media becomes a factor in harboring jealousy, while in older couples there's the issue of boredom and difference in desires between genders.
• To cover both the younger couple's and the older couple's problems, Dr. Jenn suggests creating new habits, like weekly check-ins to discuss intimacy and topics they're working on as a couple.
• What are the benefits to a holistic approach in talking about sexuality? There are many layers to human emotional logic, Dr. Jenn believes; delving into deeper aspects of a person's psyche allows you and others/your partner to better understand the beliefs and experiences that make you you.
• How do you learn to boldly talk about sexuality in an open way? Look at it as a homework assignment, Dr. Jenn says, and agree each week to bring one new thing to your sex life. This will create a structure to make it less awkward and uncomfortable to talk about sex.

More about Dr. Jenn

Jennifer "Dr. Jenn" Gunsaullus, Ph.D., is a sociologist who works as a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, and a relationship and intimacy counselor. She specializes in helping women, couples, and groups deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and improve trust and self-expression. Dr. Jenn got her start in the sex and relationship field 19 years ago as a sexual health peer educator at Lehigh University in her home state of Pennsylvania. She now merges her practical training in sexual health and academic training in sociology with her passion for holistic health and mind/body/spirit perspectives.

Dr. Jenn is a frequent lecturer on relationship and intimacy topics. From wine bars to yoga studies, college classrooms to senior centers, and the LGBT community center to Mensa gatherings, Dr. Jenn offers unique and powerful presentations on healthy communication and fulfilling intimacy. She has also been an adjunct professor for courses including Human Sexuality, Women & Health, and Social Psychology. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a "Sex & Relationship Expert" for San Diego Fox 5 News and San Diego Living. In 2010 she was named one of San Diego Magazine's "Women Who Move the City." In addition, she sits on the Advisory Circle for the nonprofit Jeans 4 Justice, is the co-facilitator of the Old Town chapter of Good Ol’ Gals (networking group), runs an empowerment group called Professional Women in Holistic Health, and is on the Communications Leadership Team for the nonprofit donor's circle Women Give San Diego.

"In the Den with Dr. Jenn" is a video podcast show, hosted by Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, which challenges the status quo and boldly discusses sexuality outside the box. The existing over 150 sessions are available for free through this website, YouTube, and iTunes.

Dr. Jenn tackles the tough questions you have, and the questions you didn’t even know you had, through merging the physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual, and political. The commentary and analysis will challenge you; the quirky creator and host, with a penchant for costumes and sexual fun facts, will keep you coming back for more. In the Den with Dr. Jenn is a delicious blend of contradictions – light and challenging, smart and silly, enlightening and playful. There is a lot to learn and enjoy about sex, health, and relationships at EVERY age! Find her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

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Interview! Ben Belenus on "The Sex God", Sex & Spirituality

We met up with Ben Belenus on Facebook. He was nice, friendly and just finished a book called, "The Sex God". Well, we haven't talked about God in a long time. Goodness, since our podcast with Melissa Jones, a Christian sexologist. So what better time to talk about spirituality and sex together? Why can't spirituality and sex be intertwined? At least occasionally? Tantric sex is an awesome form of making love that we hope to delve into more in a series on tantra. Without adieu, our interview below.

* * *
 
* For you, why is sexuality & spirituality linked?

They are inseparable. Sex brought us all here. Birth and death are all a part of the sexual cycle of life. Sex is spirit. Let's celebrate it! I just finished some 500 hours of tantra meditations with my beloved. Those meditations have granted me direct experience of the spiritual possibilities that sacred sex can bring us. Very beautiful, very life affirming and utterly recommended. 

* How did you get into educating others about sex? (Would you call yourself a sex educator)? 

By accident really. I woke up one morning a few years back with a burning urge to write. I had never written anything before. I opened up my laptop and the words just flooded through. Apparently I was to write a book about sex! I got naked and tenderly revealed the most secret dimensions of male sexual thought and action. I am not sure many men write so honestly about sex. This process continued for another six months. My book ‘the sex god – No Mud No Lotus’ was birthed or channeled in this way. It was an effortless and enjoyable process. Honesty is an alluring phenomenon. Honesty is erotic. Authenticity is erotic. Now the book is published... I am suddenly educating others about sex!

* What is 'The Sex God'? 

If the sex god were me then my book would be called “The Sex God”, but it isn’t me. I am not a Sex God, but I do have within me a force of nature that behaves like a god. It is known as ‘the sex god’.

My sex god, is particularly omnipotent and it uses me to its own end. This unusual god is a motivational force that cannot be exiled. It’s an irresistible urge for union with my opposite energy polarity. It’s also a wonky force fuelled by nature itself, by karmic entanglements from the past or by wounded psychosis and addictive urgency.

Sometimes the surging agenda of the sex god cannot be overcome. It causes dense identification with its need. Its agendas are many and varied including giving, addiction, healing, guiding my life and most importantly taking me home to wholeness; the sex god wishes to give to a woman so deeply that the hearth-flower of her soul is opened so she can take me home.

In some men the sex god can be wreckless, causing them to go cause all kinds of harm to others. But it doesn’t need to be that way. The teachings of tantra can show us the way.

* How do you measure success as a sex educator? 

A good sex educator will show you that there is soooo much more to sex than orgasm, and that the best sexual experiences you will ever know can be had when you leave your ego and all its weenyness or superiority at the door.

* Who inspires you in the world of sex therapy & education?

Mahasatvaa Sarita, Margot Anand, David Deida, the man that is Ben.

* What's your favorite book about sex or sexuality?

Divine sexuality, Mahasatva Sarita. The way of the superior man, Deida.

* What are you looking forward to over the next year?

Over this next year I am looking forwards to spending more time in sexual samsara, spending more time with my daughters, and spending more time in exotic locations with my beloved. Professionally, I'm looking forward to another year of flow, wealth and being looked after by the universe. My next book which explores the realm of conscious relationship is coming along nicely, so it will be fab if that is published next year too.

More about Ben Benelus

Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women, practitioner of conscious relationship, mystic and Author. His juicy new book “The Sex God: No Mud, No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love. Ben’s next book which is a deep exploration of conscious loving relationship will be published in 2013. 'Like' Ben Benelus on Facebook and buy your copy of, "The Sex God: No Mud, No Lotus" on Amazon.

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Lee Harrington on Relationships, Sex & Sexuality

Lee Harrington is a prolific writer, speaker, author, artist and BDSM expert and overall, an internationally renowned traveling sex educator. We followed Lee through the social media grapevine and of course we had to pry.

Why did you become a sex educator? What have you learned that you can share with us? He dished. And then some. Check out some of what we chatted about. Lee is a character and has some really interesting perspectives on sexuality.

What we talked about:

• Why Lee's experience in the adult film industry led to work as a sexual educator and prolific writer (of 20+ books)
• Where the inspiration for Lee's books comes from? Many sources, including the evolution and understanding of his own sexuality!
• Why being transparent about his own journey, has led many participants, readers and observers open up about their own evolutions and struggles.
• What are some of the prevalent relationship struggles Lee sees with the couples he works with? One struggle, he says, is when people have certain sex and relationship expectations based on cultural myths. Why? There's shame from deviating away from these cultural expectations.
• Having problems (sexual or emotional) in your relationship? Lee recommends couples choose a safe space, outside of the bedroom, as a neutral ground where they can share their feelings with each other and discuss deep-seeded issues.
• What is Lee looking forward to? He's doing a "whistle stop tour" across multiple cities with classes and workshops on alternative lifestyle and kink communities. More than anything, he's excited about seeing where the adventure takes him.                                                                     

More about Lee:
Lee Harrington is an internationally known spiritual and erotic educator, gender explorer, eclectic artist and award-winning author and editor on human sexuality and sacred experience. He is a nice guy with a disarmingly down to earth approach to the fact that we are each beautifully complex ecosystems, and we deserve to examine the human experience from that lens. 

Lee’s been traveling the globe (from Seattle to Sydney, Berlin to Boston), teaching and talking about sexuality, psychology, faith, desire and more, and has no intention to stop any time soon. He has been an academic and an adult film performer, a world class sexual adventurer, an outspoken philosopher, is a kink/bondage expert, and has been blogging about sex and spirituality since 1998. Read more about Lee's ventures at PassionAndSoul.com, connect with him on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter @PassionAndSoul. 

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Podcast! Pepper Mint on Polyamory & BDSM

At CatalystCon, we bumped into poly and BDSM enthusiast Pepper Mint. As the founder of FreakSexual.com, Pepper had some wonderful insight for us at GetLusty into the exciting world of polyamory. A San Francisco native and son to "open-minded parents" Pepper is all about successful relationships. For the monogmous and polyamorous alike, Pepper offers insights into making relationships work.

More on what we talked about:

• Can monogamous people can learn anything from the polyamorous community? Yes! Pepper believes that monogamous people can improve their relationship skills (including dealing with jealousy and insecurities) in addition to learning good communication skills and managing their feelings. 
• How did Pepper get into BDSM and polyamory?
• Although Pepper is a non-monogamist, he notes sometimes it's not a good idea for couples to "open up" their relationships; non-monogamy becomes problematic if the existing relationship is not solid, he says.
• A non-monogamous lifestyle can be successful, however, if you're drawn to variety in your relationships and you don't go into it blindly; take your time, learn about polyamory and do your research before you dive in
• Curious about polyamory? Pepper talks about the first steps in exploring, "outside of the box"
• Pepper talks about the difficulties of relationships, both polyamorous and monogamous; all can have a hard time keeping their relationships "fresh", although he thinks having, "occasional" lovers helps.
• Why is polyamory more popular? Pepper has seen more and more polyamorist attendees at events and media recognition for poly/alternative lifestyles

More about Pepper:

Pepper Mint is an avid blogger and advocate for polyamorous and alternative lifestyles. He's hosted and spoken at numerous events, including non-monogamy how-to classes and talks to college sexuality classes about polyamory.

He has also co-run larger events such as the OpenSF Conference, Poly Asylum Burning Man camp, and Poly Speed Dating. When not out and about advocating polyamory, you can find him writing frequently about it on his website at www.freaksexual.com or out and about on dates with his three girlfriends and five occasional lovers. Find him on Twitter @freaksexual and subscribe on Facebook.

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Monica Day on Sex, Sensuality & Sexual Revolution

Monica Day is an event organizer, sex and intimacy coach, "Sensual Instigator" and founder of the Sensual Life, among many great things. We caught up with her recently about the great event she's organizing on the west coast. Her thoughts on monogamy, love, sex and intimacy were really thought provoking.

More on what we talked about:

• What exactly is Monica's self-proclaimed, "sensual instigator" all about?
• How Monica turned her own divorce into something positive by using her experience to help others find their sexuality
• What is the Sensual Life? How Monica uses coaching, workshops, and art help people open up about their own sensuality and sexuality?
• What are the differences between intimacy/sexuality and sensuality/sexuality?
• What is sensuality for Monica? For her, it means a relationship with your physical sensations and awareness of how sensuality expresses sexuality
• She describes intimacy as "the new porn". What does that mean? Well, similarly to porn of yesteryear, intimacy is now more challenging to access. 
• Why honesty is one of the biggest issues facing couples today. Why, exactly? Whhen couples are fully honest, they admit their deepest desires--which in turn, increases intimacy and love.
• Why sexual technique is only 20% of amazing sex, while the other 80% are things like communication, intimacy and honesty
• Monica offers tips and tricks for an awesome relationship and sex! For example, don't make the other responsible for your sexual pleasure; re-establish your own personal relationship with your body. 
• Moreover, Monica recommends couples self-pleasure separately, and then come together verbally on what they found about their bodies. Why? It helps establish good communication of desires and improve each partner's relationship with their own body.
• Why verbally sharing desires and fantasies without the expectation or pressure to make them realities is a great idea for couples! Have a fantasy? Talk about it!
• Why creating art together or separately may be easier to share feelings rather than talking alone
• What's this about sexual revolution? Monica dishes on why she thinks the next sexual revolution is one where individuals feel more personal and cultural freedom surrounding their own sexuality, rather than being ashamed or hiding from it.

More about Monica

Monica Day is the founder of the Sensual Life, and an artist, writer, performer, workshop leader and personal coach. She specializes in creating safe spaces for people to explore, experience and express their sensuality. She is the creator, host and curator of the open mic series in New York City, Essensuality: An Evening of Erotic Expression, and a frequent reader/performer at Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon.

She recently wrote, performed and produced the play, Song of the Sacred Whore, in the 2011 Philadelphia Fringe Festival. The courses, workshops and programs of The Sensual Life are Monica’s vehicle for empowering others to live a more feeling, more passionate, more fully-expressed sensual life.

In them, she shares the tools of authentic communication, the turn-on of sensual awareness, and the practices that arouse greater freedom, awakening, love and spiritual connection.

 Monica has spent the last 20 years as a writer, trainer and facilitator in areas ranging from personal growth and awareness, race and gender, class and power, sensuality and sexuality, communication skills, and relationship dynamics.

She splits her time between Philadelphia, where she is raising two beautiful daughters with her former spouse and co-parent, and New York City, where she is active in various communities that explore sensuality, intimacy, communication and other opportunities for relating to the self and others through this core part of our being. Follow her on Twitter @TheSensualLife and 'Like' The Sensual Life on Facebook. 

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Exclusive! Searah Deysach on Masturbation & Self-Love

We simply adore Early to Bed. They recently celebrated their 11th anniversary, and we caught up with Owner Searah Deysach. Of course, we recorded a podcast for your listening pleasure.

More on what we talked about:

• Why did Searah start Early to Bed? As she notes, "Because of my own frustrations with sex toy shops in Chicago in the late '90s."
• She's interested in helping women become knowledgeable about their own bodies and working through issues of dissatisfaction in their sex lives.
  
• She strives to make sex new and exciting for customers, with mutual satisfaction and comfort, so sex and relationships are happy rather than stressful.
  
• She looks to get to know each customers individual situation to genuinely help them rather than simply sell products.
• Her main recommendation for a great sexual experience? "Be your own best lover"; she believes women especially need to explore their own bodies and their own sexual responses.
  
• Why is masturbation is so important to her? It's the power behind self-pleasure, as this helps in communicating your needs to your partner.
  
• She recommends taking various workshops (such as Early to Bed's blowjob workshop) to help create a mutually beneficial experience for both partners.
  
• What is Early to Bed working on? Workshops on less-discussed but important topics, such as cunnilingus.

More about Searah:

Frustrated with the lame sex toy scene in her hometown, Searah Deysach, with help from her friends and family, opened Chicago’s first woman-owned, education-focused sex shop, Early to Bed (early2bed.com) in 2001.

Now Searah spends her days spreading the good word about sex-positivity and the joys of masturbation through her store, writings and a busy schedule of talks at local community groups and colleges around the country. She was the sex columnist for (the now defunct) Punk Planet Magazine and has a blog skewering some of the more ridiculous aspects of the sex toy world at Screwy Sex Toys. She lives in Chicago with her girlfriend and their ridiculously adorable kid. Follow @EarlytoBed on Twitter and Facebook.

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Podcast! Dr. Jallen Rix on Honesty for Deeper Love

Dr. Jallen Rix survived a strict, religious upbringing and ex-gay ministry. He wrote a book about it, and came out of the experience a more complete, honest person.

He's very secure in his sexuality and teaches others about how to realize their own sexual interests. How can monogamous couples have a more fulfilling love life? We talked with him about honest, loving experiences.

What we talked about:

• What brought Jallen here? 
• Why is it so important to be honest with your partner sexually? 
• Why did he write his wonderful book, "Ex-Gay No Way" and what's it all about, anyway?
• OK, so he's gay & poly. My husband is bisexual, is yours? Dr. Jallen answers how to integrate fantasy into your healthy relationship.
• How can couples interested in bi-sexuality but not in polyamory explore?
• What are different kinds of monogamy & why do they matter? 
• What's in the prospect for Dr. Jallen? What's next?

More about Jallen:

Speaker, author, and educator, Jallen Rix has come a long way to be a sex expert. Growing up as a Southern Baptist, he was taught that spirituality was heavenly but sexuality was from the devil. While obtaining a B.A. in creative arts and a minor in theology, he also went to great lengths attempting to change his sexuality from gay to straight in an ex-gay ministry- to no avail.

That experience set him on a journey of discovery that ultimately resulted in Jallen earning his Doctorate of Education in Sexology from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, where he is now Associate Professor.

He pens the popular advice column, Sex Ed in Bed. As a sexologist, Jallen creates an accepting and safe environment that provides support, humor and insight for a wide variety of people to raise their awareness for a more positive and healthier sexuality. Learn more about Jallen Rix by reading his book, "Ex-Gay No Way." Follow him on Twitter @gaysexpert and subscribe on Facebook.

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Podcast! Kitty Stryker Talks Consent in BDSM

Kitty Stryker is pretty wonderful. She's been working with sex workers for quite some time and her work is even transnational!

She's talked about sex worker rights from London to San Francisco. She now runs Cum & Glitter, a live sex show in San Francisco, that recently went Folsom-style for San Francisco folks.

We recently caught up with Kitty at CatalystCon last week. What we talked about:

• What is her new "Consent Culture" project all about?
• Why does she think BDSM needs more consent?
• What's wrong with FetLife policies around BDSM scenes? 
• What brought about Cum & Glitter?
• Why did she get into sex education & sex work?
• What's Cum & Glitter all about?
• What's next for Kitty?

More about Kitty:

Kitty Stryker is a geeky sex worker, Burner, rabid writer and feminist activist with one high-heeled boot in San Francisco, California and one in London, England.

In London, Stryker worked with the TLC Trust, an online organization connecting people with disabilities with sex workers experienced with emotional or physical limitations. She is the founder of the award-winning Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, and was nominated by the Erotic Awards as Sex Worker of the Year for her charity and activism work.

Now back in the States, Stryker has been presenting Safe/Ward, a workshop on combating entitlement culture within alternative sexual communities, along with being the PR rep for the Bay Area Sex Workers Outreach Project promoting sex worker rights.

She has written for Good Vibrations, Filament, and Tits and Sass, built a social media strategy for Cleis Press, and consults with sex workers about their online presence. Additionally, she's performed for several pornographic sites and been interviewed for multiple documentaries. Read more from Stryker on her personal blog, Purrversatility. Also find her on Twitter @kittystryker and Facebook.

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Sexpert? Can I Interview You?

GetLusty is all about recommending tools, tips and other active ways to improve your relationship and have better sex. Therefore, we wanted to invite participation from the sex education, psychology, psychiatry and sociology community. We've already interviewed nearly a dozen sex educators and therapists.

Learn from the best

How do world renowned sex educators, sexologists or sex therapists recommend you make love better? What are some best practices for improving our sexual experiences as couples? 

Are you a sexpert?

We invite sex educators, sex startup owners, sex workers, sex therapists and sexologists onto our podcast series to talk improving intimacy & empowering your sexual life. Haven't heard our podcasts? We've interviewed greats like Megan Andelloux, Shanna Katz and numerous others. They're on SoundCloud. A more complete list of sexpert interviews are available here.

Would you like to be featured to our growing international audience? Fill out the form below & a GetLusty rep will get back to you to schedule an interview with our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg. Want to get in touch with her about business opportunities? E-mail her directly at erica@getlusty.com.

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Maria Falzone Talks Sex Positive Parenting

We talk a lot about sex. Many of you are parents out there and you might be wondering how to talk to your kids about sex. I know many-a-child has been curious (including me at a young age), but their parents weren't there to talk about sex.

We've all had questions and we still have more questions. For example, how does one even broach the subject? How can we do it in a safe way without inducing shame and fear for our children? Why should parents teach their children about sex early? How early is too early?

Without further ado, what we talked about:

• How Maria got started as a sex comedian & lecturer 
• Why it's so important to talk to your kids about sex
• Saving your kids from sexual abuse through educating them about sex
• Start a dialogue with your kids about sex without them rushing in to have it
• What's next for Maria's sex education foundation (that brings sex educators to universities and cities across the USA)
• Why she wants to travel & spread the message

More about Maria

Maria Falzone is one of the most sought after speakers on safer sex at the college level. Each year colleges and universities invite her back to teach the essential rules to greater and safer sex. Unlike other lectures, Maria shares her personal story of shame and suffering about sex and how after contracting herpes from a friend she was forced to honestly look at her attitude about sex.

In Maria's words: "We live in a society where we get conflicting messages about sex. Our parents and Society tell us to wait. In the world of advertising sex sells. So we end up thinking that we should just know how to have sex. Parents spend good money for us to go to college to get an education so that we can graduate and go out there and get a good job. But when it comes to sex, which most of us are going to have, (hopefully more than once) we have little to no information. Some of us end up emotionally or physically scarred."

Find Maria on Twitter @mariafalzone, Facebook and her website, Sex Rules.

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Interview Exclusive! Kristy Lin Billuni on Sexy Grammar

You would never have thought grammar could be sexy, usually it triggers the exact opposite response.

Kristy Lin Billuni, The Sexy Grammarian, convinced us other wise! We want to introduce you to the concept of sexy grammar and to do so we went straight to the source. Read on to find out how grammar can be sexy and what it can do for your relationship in our lusty interview with Kristy.

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As her editing business grew, Kristy Lin Billuni sensed parallels in her teaching work and her sexy roots. Writers liked her naughty grammar lessons and responded to the sexual metaphor she applied to the art of writing. Her clients helped her recognize that her unique combination of skills offered a fun and easy approach to writing. She embraced the idea and in 2003 launched Sexy Grammar. You can connect with The Sexy Grammarian on Facebook and Twitter.

Kristy has also taught a how-to class at Good Vibrations, danced at the world-famous Lusty Lady, developed sex health curriculum for Stanford Medical School, and posed for the infamous photographer Charles Gatewood.

What is Sexy Grammar and how did it start? 

Sexy Grammar is a stimulating way for adults to learn grammar rules and writing skills like when to use lay or lie and how to write an effective newsletter. It’s also the name of my company. I’m a teacher and a writer, and I help clients finish their writing projects. I’ve been at if for 10 years, but I haven’t always called my company Sexy Grammar.

The only subject I’ve been teaching longer than I’ve been teaching writing is sex. When my writing services company started growing, I began to see parallels in my teaching work. My writing clients loved concepts I brought from teaching sex: understanding climax in orgasm and plot and undressing sentences to their stark, nude cores. I also found that creatives, whose eyes glazed over at grammar lessons, got engaged when I used dirty words in my examples.

At the same time, I worried about my professional identity online. If you googled me in 2003, you might have read a story about my activist stunt to float the World’s Biggest Vulva down Market Street or you might link to my writing services website. I felt I needed to hide the sex expert-Kristy from my writing clients.

I’m grateful to author and longtime client Drew Banks for sharing his expertise as a marketing guru. Drew showed me that my integrated identity, which included the sex work and sex ed as well as the editing and teaching writing, was my most valuable asset. When I embraced the sexual metaphor in my writing approach and named my company Sexy Grammar, my business took off.

How can people use Sexy Grammar to enhance their love lives? 

Sex and writing are both about self-expression. I believe that the principles that help people have better sex--let loose, be specific, lubricate—can help people become better writers. Whether you practice these skills in bed or at the writing desk, you’re going to be more turned-on, engaged, and creative. I think great writers almost always make great lovers and vice versa.


What is your favorite part about working in the world of sex?

I’ve noted one common thread among the radically diverse people I've met working in sex education, sexy writing, erotica, and the sex industry. We’re all dedicated to creativity and self-expression. Those are values I love sharing, and they keep me motivated in my work with writers every day.

What's next for you (your business, practice) over the next 6-12 months?

We just launched a new brand look and website in August, and in 2013 Sexy Grammar will celebrate 10 years in business. We believe there’s never been a more exciting time to be a writer, so we’re also celebrating the worldwide web’s writing renaissance and its opportunities for writers everywhere to express themselves and find an audience.

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Would you like to join an amazing lineup and do an interview with GetLusty? E-mail rachael@getlusty.com to get started!

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Ducky Doolittle Dishes on Sex

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Devi Ward on Tantra & Women's Sexual Healing

At GetLusty, we realize we don't talk about tantra much. But that certainly isn't because we don't love tantra. We just need to find people to help us do it better! Devi Ward is the perfect example of why we should all utilize tantric sex and meditation. Especially if you feel you need sexual healing, or you've experienced sexual difficulty, this is for you!

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What we chatted about

• How Devi used tantra for her own sexual healing
• Where is the root of sexual trauma (hint: many sexual trauma's happen everyday, so you've likely had to experience it)
• Real-life ways you can do to jump over the hurdles of your sexual traumas (without drugs)
• Some of the many benefits for trying Tantra
• What you can expect from her upcoming book on self pleasure for ladies
• What success means to Devi (namely, feeling sexual abundance)

About Devi

Devi Ward is an International Authentic Tantra Educator & Sensual Empowerment Coach. Devi has been on a path of Erotic Awakening and Spiritual Embodiment since 1993, studying meditation, holistic healing arts, and alternative forms of erotic expression. Devi has been a Professional Sensual Movement Artist since 1992.

Devi is the Founder of Feminine Emergence and creator of Sacred Erotic Dance™ ; a Movement-Healing modality that uses The 5 Core Pelvic Movements™, Authentic Tantra™ & Sensual Dance, to produce physical, emotional and spiritual healing in our relationship to sexual and sensual self-expression.

Her first book “Shake Your Soul Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art of Self-Pleasure” is scheduled for release in October 2012. Follow Devi on Twitter @deviwardtantra and on Facebook.

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Lady Cheeky Chats Feminist Porn & SmutForSmarties

We're a cheeky bunch. That's why it was great to catch up with Lady Cheeky for a conversation about sex.  She posts beautiful, erotic pictures and stories across her blogs. We named her one of the 10 best sex blogs.

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What we talked about:

• How Lady got into the sex education/ sex blog world
• Why she thinks feminist porn is awesome
• What you can expect from Lady over the coming 6-12 months
• Why she uses the name, "Lady Cheeky" versus her real name & picture
• Her upcoming erotic novel on sex at 40+
• The successes that Lady has encountered so far, including changing the love lives of her readers (among her numerous other successes as a sex blogger)

About Lady Cheeky

Lady Cheeky started her erotica and sensual images blog in 2010 as a way to communicate with her faraway lover. Since then, Lady Cheeky has evolved into a place of candid self-discovery for her and her readers.

On her sister site SmutForSmarties.com, she recounts true stories about her own sexual exploration in hopes of liberating other women to do the same. Now with over 20k TUMBLR followers and over 120k hits a month, Lady Cheeky muses about being a sexually empowered, single woman over 40. With humor, candor, and without shame, Lady Cheeky is determined to have passion, intimacy and love present in her life.

Chock full of erotic photos, fiction, lessons, advice, literary quotes, sexual encounters and sometimes the occasional heartfelt lament. Lady Cheeky is an honest and relatable sex blog for the modern woman.

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, mission-driven entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to end boring sex. If you don't see Erica riding around Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with the love of her life, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook and Google+.

Want to connect about business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.

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Podcast w/ Shanna Katz on Consent & 3 Ways to Better Sex

We're kinda slutty on social media. We're there, chatting about sex education, couples and relationships all the time. Because, let's face it, Twitter and Facebook are kinda lovely. There are many superb sex educators passing out valuable information!

What? You're not following us on Twitter @getlusty or Facebook? Do it now. Do also follow Shanna, who's information is below!

Without further adieu, what we talked about:

• How Shanna got into sex education (hint: think acting class)
• Her 3 recommendations for your best sex life
• Communication & why it's important
• What you can learn from BDSM
• Her book on cunnilingus
• How she measures success as a sex educator

More about Shanna

In 2008, she completed her Master’s in Human Sexuality Education at Widener University in Pennsylvania. She also has her B.A. in Sociology from the Colorado College. She has been a member of AASECT; the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, and SSSS; the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality and is currently certified by ACS; the American College of Sexologists, and a member of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.

Currently, she is serving on the board for The Center for Sex Positive Culture in Colorado and the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island and served as the social media chair for the AASECT Annual Conference 2011 and the SSSS Annual Conference 2011.

You can also read her monthly column Unapologetic at the Fearless Press and her bi-monthly column Body Positivity at Out Front Colorado, as well as for through publications. She provides classes, trainings, workshops and relationship counseling/sex coaching to a variety of clients in the Denver metro area and across the country.

Connect with Shanna on Twitter @shanna_katz, Facebook and her website. Also find her awesome book on Amazon or in your local book store.

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Podcast! Megan Andelloux Talks Sex & Pleasure

Megan Andelloux is changing the world of sex education. Plain and simple. She speaks around the country to university students and adults on using sex to enrich their lives. That's why it was great to catch up with Megan.

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We chatted about: 

• The story behind why Megan got into sex education
• What she's up to currently & what's next for her (think introducing sexual pleasure into medicine) 
• Her rough start in Rhode Island (nearly prevented from opening up the Center for Sexual Pleasure & Health) 
• Why she supports pleasure in sex
• How she measures success as Founder & Director of the Center for Sexual Health & Pleasure

About Megan

Megan Andelloux is a certified sexologist and sexuality educator, accredited through The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and The American College of Sexologists (ACS). Megan has been a sexuality educator since 1998 originally working with Planned Parenthood, later as Director of the Sexuality Learning and Resource Center and now serves as the Director of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (CSPH) in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Andelloux is known for advocating that sexual pleasure is an integral part of overall sexual health, which she calls the "female pleasure principle."

Andelloux has been an invited speaker at various colleges and universities, including Boston University Medical School, Brandeis University, Clark University, Brown University, Harvard University, the Rhode Island School of Design, Tufts University and Yale University, as well as numerous other institutions such as the Center for Sex and Culture and WholeDC. She is also an author in the book We Got Issues!, a feminist response to cultural attitudes on feminism, as well as once writing for the sex worker magazine, $pread.

Learn more about megan on Twitter @hiohmegan, Subscribe on Facebook and LinkedIn.

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