This is a guest blog from Nadine Thornhill.
I received the following e-mail from a reader on the subject of female ejaculation.
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I was wondering if you could shed some light on something for me. The topic of “squirting”. I want to know if ALL women do it? I have had male acquaintances tell me this is the case. When I inform them that I have never done that, they respond with “well, you have just never been with a guy who knows what they are doing”. I have had numerous toe curling, mind blowing, make-me-see-stars orgasms both with a partner and on my own, and this has never been the case. I try to tell them that not everyone responds the same way to sex, but they are firm in their stance that I am 100% wrong. Needless to say, they will not be getting their chance to “prove” themselves.
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The definition
Vulvas sometimes experience a rush of fluid from the urethra during or just prior to orgasm, a phenomenon known as female ejaculation or “squirting”. How does one achieve this phenomenon? Most often, it comes as the result of G-spot stimulation.
What is it actually?
The problem? There isn’t a huge body of research around sexual pleasure. Also, no one knows specifically what that fluid is. It’s definitely not urine, though some people do feel that same I-gotta-pee type of sensation when it happens. I’ve read theories that the ejaculate is seminal fluid (minus the sperm), secreted by the spongy tissue that makes up the G-spot.
Wonder the difference? Check out this Frisky article on 7 ways you'll know if you're peeing or squirting. Whatever it is, it’s important to understand that different people will produce different amounts of fluid, as little as a teaspoon to as much as pint, according to The Guide to Getting It On.
More powerful squirts don't mean more pleasure
Female ejaculation can be a power-spray that nails a partner right in the face. It can be a minor trickle that’s mixes imperceptibly with the other sex fluids, or anything in between. But those variables have nothing to do with intensity of pleasure. Rather, the specific biology of the person and how their body reacts during sexy times.
One of my core philosophies is that when it comes to sex, nothing is unique nor universal. Individual bodies are different. They react differently. One of the unfortunate consequences of our media is that sexual pleasure tends to be portrayed as a narrowly specific set of responses. Cocks get hard, cunts get wet, orgasms are mind-blowing and the G-spot is a fluid-spewing holy grail.
You don't need to have one
I can’t fault anyone for taking pride in their ability to give someone pleasure, but approaching sex as a series of specific goals can be problematic. Concerned you are or aren't squirting? Not everyone needs to have multiple orgasms or rock hard erections to have incredible sex. Don't worry.
Some people don’t like G-spot stimulation. Others come really hard from it and still don’t squirt. Wanting to make your partner feel good is a lovely thing. But telling your partner, “I know better than you how your body can and should experience pleasure,” won't work well. What works best? Negotiation, communication and lots of talking in between (which we'll cover soon).
So yes, squirting is a thing, but not for everyone.
It’s normal if it happens and normal if it doesn’t. At the end of the day it what’s important isn’t how wet you get, but how much fun you have.
Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.
She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.
