3 Must Read Books on Women's Sexual Health
Ladies, can we talk? While the good folks at GetLusty want you and your partner to get your freak on as much as possible, we know it’s just not as awesome if your bodies aren’t feeling so great. So we’ve put together a list of books geared toward all the crazy things that go on inside those beautiful bodies. And, let’s face it, there’s a LOT going on. These books rock because they are straightforward and sex-positive. Take care of you! GetLusty writer Stephanie Vanderwall reports.
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#1 Sex Matters For Women, Second Edition: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self
By Sallie Foley, MSW, Sally A. Kope, MSW, and Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D.
Sex is talked about more openly today than ever before, but if you still struggle with sexual myths, self-doubt, and "embarrassing" questions, you are in good company. Now in a fully updated second edition, this trusted guide has already helped many thousands of women understand how their bodies work and take charge of their sexuality. The authors are experienced therapists who interweave candid reflections from diverse women with current, science-based information, exercises, and advice. You'll find answers to everything from how to have more satisfying sex to questions about body image, anatomy, hormones, relationships, sexual orientation, sexually transmitted infections, and trauma. If sexuality is a lifelong journey consider this book a roadmap for self-discovery and growth.
Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex says: "This second edition takes a classic book on female sexuality to another level. It is comprehensive and grounded in research, yet fun to read alone or with a partner. With a focus on female sexual satisfaction and pleasure, this book is a 'must have' for women of all ages and backgrounds. I can't wait to share it with my daughter!"
Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., coauthor of The G Spot calls it "the most comprehensive book on women's sexual health I have ever read. The clear, positive information and the suggested exercises cover all aspects of women's sexuality and offer ways for women to take charge of their sexual selves. The second edition features new information and resources, offered in a supportive and affirming manner, which will help readers, develop sexual comfort, confidence, and satisfaction. A 'must read' for women of all ages."
#2 What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best FriendBy Lissa Rankin, M.D.
Suppose you had a wise, warm, funny best friend—who just happened to be a gynecologist. You’re out with the girls for cocktails and the conversation turns to sex, and then to girly parts. One by one, you start asking her all the questions you’ve secretly wondered about—and discover that you have a lot in common.
If you were to write those questions down, then you’d have What’s Up Down There?, a life-changing little book that answers: Do old ladies have saggy vaginas?, How do male gynecologists have a sex life without feeling like they’re stuck at the office?, Is it normal for your inner labia to hang out of your outer labia?, Can the baby feel its mom having sex during pregnancy?, How common is it for one's boobs to be two totally different sizes? And so much more! As outrageously funny as it is empowering, this book reveals how to love yourself and your body; and will have you recommending it to every woman you know.
Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex For Busy Couples says: “Dr. Lissa Rankin has written a courageous book, providing information about topics that few others are willing to tackle. And when she doesn’t know the answer, she says so, giving us all the more reason to trust the answers she does give. What’s Up Down There dispels myths while reminding us of the beauty and mystery of our girl-bodies.”
“This was a really fun book to read, a real treasure trove of user-friendly information about the female body. Dr. Rankin really does come across as the reader's girlfriend, with her fun, down to earth, informal writing style…I love how the book ended with chapters on female empowerment and reclaiming ownership of your yoni. This isn't just some book of medical information; it's a gateway into learning to love the female body and to take it back from all the negative societal messages out there denigrating women and female sexuality. These really are the types of questions most women would never think to ask their gynecologist unless she were their best friend, and the kinds of dialogues that the average modern doctor doesn't have time for.” –Amazon Customer
#3 When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide To Banishing Sexual Pain
By Andrew Goldstein, M.D., Caroline Pukall, Ph.D., and Irwin Goldstein, M.D.For the 20 million women who suffer from painful intercourse: this is the first book to address the multiple causes and the available treatments. Painful sex is a condition that causes embarrassment and silence—often going undiscussed or misdiagnosed. As many as 40 percent of women that suffer from pain during sex won’t seek medical care. And most medical professionals are still in the dark when it comes to women’s sexual pain.
Now, three leading experts tackle the stereotypes, myths, and realities of sexual pain in this easy-to-understand, accessible guide that will help you get the help you need and deserve. Drs. Goldstein, Pukall, and Goldstein offer answers to your most pressing questions, as well as: up-to-date information on the more than 20 causes of sexual pain, how to choose the right doctor—and how to interpret your doctor’s lingo, valuable tips for understanding sexual pain, and what can be done about it, and how to rebuild sexual intimacy once the pain is gone. Featuring groundbreaking research and stories from women who’ve also suffered—and recovered—When Sex Hurts provides all of the tools you need to stop hurting and start healing.
Cindy Meston, Ph.D., Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Texas at Austin, author of Why Women Have Sex calls it “the most comprehensive, accessible, and illuminating look into women’s sexual pain ever written, packed with up-to-date and invaluable information. When Sex Hurts is a must read for any woman, or partner of a woman, who has experienced painful sex.”
“I really enjoyed this book. It goes into so much detail and lets you know all the possible causes and it tells you how to talk to your doctor and working together for the best treatment. It also made me hopeful that I may not have to live with this forever and that there are treatments that are less invasive then surgery that may work. I think anyone suffering from vaginal pain should read this book!” –Amazon Reader
Stephanie Vanderwall has long believed she is a gay man trapped in a woman's body. She is a lover of good food, good sex and good grammar. A recent transplant to Chicago, she spends her free time with her super-duper-fly boyfriend and their three "kids" (2 cats, 1 dog). She has a blog she writes in every so often. She's still trying to get the whole Twitter thing down, but you can follow her @Vanderfloozie. Want to get in touch with her? Email stephanie@getlusty.com.
The High Price of Marriage Inequality (Infographic)
How wrong is marriage inequality? The fact that not all of the loving and consensually passionate couples out there aren't able to commit to one another. To put it simple: the legislation is outdated and needs to be revised. Thank goodness now, 9 states have legalized gay marriage so far. We at GetLusty think that's not enough.
We've noted before that we support marriage equality. Besides the usual social reasons, maybe we could all use some economic reasons? What about the economic reasoning why loving gay couples should be able to have the same rights as heterosexual couples? Thank goodness--we were digging on Pinterest and we found an infographic describing the situation.
So, in GetLusty for Couples fashion, we had to share it! Do you believe in marriage equality, too? We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below! Want to find and share our pin from Pinterest? Check out the pin from Pinterest here!
6 Bedroom Mishaps & Ways to Recover
Have you ever made an epic mistake in bed and wondered: how will I bounce back from this one? Unless you're a comedian looking for material, sometimes it just doesn't seem funny. But it can. Sex is seriously funny. It has so much potential to be fun and enjoyable. We've talked previously about things not to do during blowjobs and then even more things not to do during blowjobs, for example. But how, exactly, does one bounce back from these blunders? Thank goodness we have this question answered from GetLusty writer Lynn Olejniczak answers. Want to make your blunders better? Read on!
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No one is perfect. We all have flaws which come to the surface when we are unprepared, uncertain, uncompromising, under pressure, or just when the universe thinks we need reminding. And while we will often accept others’ blemishes, we have a hard time putting the mirror up to ourselves. Unfortunately, there is no other place where we try to achieve perfection as much as the bedroom. And no other place where we can fuck it up more. So what do we do when we make a mistake? Is there a way to fix things?
Sure. But keep in mind--a little bit of humor can go a long way. Sex is the ultimate act of exposure and vulnerability. We are never more open, raw, and capable of ego shattering actions than in the bedroom. We have all been part of a truly embarrassing situation here. Usually, these situations happen early in a relationship when we are still trying to impress the other person. So there is nothing like trying to put your bravest face on in the wake of something unfathomably humiliating in front of a practical stranger.
#1 Period sheets
One of the most common embarrassing situations for a woman is to have or begin her period during sex. At his place. Ruining his sheets. The first time together (or even the 60th time together). The worry is women don’t want guys to think they are too stupid to not know when their period is supposed to come. Or how come they couldn’t tell.
Truth is, women know roughly when it is supposed to arrive but factors like stress, weight loss/gain, activity, and human biology prevent them from knowing the exact time of its arrival. It isn’t a bus, it is a period! There is not one woman who doesn’t have an embarrassing adolescent memory involving her period. Women spend early adulthood learning to secretly manage life with it. So when something like a surprise visit happens at the world’s worst time, all of those humiliating memories flood back. So what do you do when this happens to you?
Recovery move
Apologize. But know you are apologizing for the sheets, not for having your period. If you spilled wine in bed the result would be the same. So much of how this situation will go depends on how he will handle this. If he freaks out, offer to help clean up but remind yourself that getting your period is natural. Don’t feel guilty about being healthy. Then count your blessings, because Mother Nature is telling you to run. If he doesn’t freak out, still offer to help clean up. And then feel grateful that you met a nice guy who understands how nature works.
#2 Not that time
The number one concern for men in the bedroom is performance. A good performance is pleasurable on both sides. A bad performance leaves your partner unsatisfied and you either fumbling for excuses or trying to move onto another situation (dinner, anyone?). Let’s be honest. Guys don’t handle this situation well so women need to be helpful and supportive. If you two have been going at it, and he loses his hard-on, no matter how hard he tries (no pun intended), someone has to move towards other forms of intimate expression.
Recovery move
Turn the experience into a feeling exploration of each other’s bodies. Find other erogenous zones or move to massage. This relaxation may help ease performance anxiety and you may be able to try again later. If not, enjoy the new path for the evening; turn it into a building block of trust and non-judgment. If the performance is premature don’t fret about it either. You may have really been looking forward to sex with her, or just sex right now! One thing a man shouldn’t do is avoid acknowledging the situation. Say something. Let the woman know you are aware that it was rather speedy but you are all about doing it again. Obviously you find her hot!
#3 Never ending intercourse
Another performance issue is the long, drawn out soliloquy. Everyone loves lots of sex but sometimes it just isn’t going to happen. Eventually continued thrusting is going to take its toll on the woman and it just won’t be fun anymore. Especially if the guy feels like he's got to orgasm, dammit! Know what? Just know when to say when.
Recovery move
We've talked about a variety of ways to elongate your sex session by using foreplay, for example. Sensual and sacred sex are also ways to integrate more spiritual forms of sex. There are so many ways to move away from simply intercourse. This isn't a porn (unless you're taping yourself, in which case it's still OK to proliferate). Move to those other forms of intimate expression; massage, oral, anything that continues to bring pleasure. Sex isn't about proving something to your partner or yourself. It's about fun & pleasure!
#4 Coitus interruptus
And I’m not talking birth control. It's a parent, child, roommate, pet or someone interrupting you at the wrong place at the wrong time. Usually, they are the ones who are embarrassed and exit quickly. But they've made their mark.
Recovery move
Little needs to be done about this when it's a roommate (unless you happen to be having sex with their partner). Just giggle a bit and go about your business. If it's a parent, depending on the housing situation, you may need to stop and address it. If they’re visiting and just happened to walk in, depending on the comfort level, you may be able to let it go. If it is a child, it is a good idea to stop and and handle it right away.
If it was both parents the child walked in on, both should go and open dialogue on what just happened. If it is a parent and a visiting boy/girlfriend, then the parent should go and the call should be made on if the friend should leave for the night. It's always better here to air on the side of discretion than not. Stranger? Make sure you aren’t breaking any laws, zip up your pants, and move along. The last thing you want is to be arrested for lewd or obscene behavior. Depending on your states laws, you could be placed on a sexual offender registry, and that just isn’t worth it so choose wisely. Yuck.
Other minor infractions
#5 Passing gas
Just like a period, it happens. Recovery move: Ignore it, laugh it off, whichever but remember it is normal, and probably not the first nor last time it will happen. Alternatively, you can also move to another place to continue.
#6 Injuries
Gee, that swing, position, tether, handcuffs, outfit, device looked swell in the store, or book you read. And all was going so peachy until one false move, run away elbow or faulty manufacturing turned everything from pleasure to pain (the bad kind).
Recovery move
First, don't do openly stupid things in your bedroom. Think: sticking up a lightbulb (or anything that could break while being inserted or while coming out of your body) in your orifices. Just make sure everyone is fine, tend the wound, hopefully no ER visit is required and learn from it. (I once mistook warming massage oil for warming lube. Know what the difference is? About 20 degrees. Yes, he still has a penis, and yes we are still together.)
Sex is fun. It is designed to be fun. It is when we get all worked up about how things are “supposed to go” that things fail. Keep it spontaneous, keep it in the correct frame of mind, keep your ego in check, and there will be no such thing as a major fail. Just a funny story to look back on.
Lynn Olejniczak is a native Chicagoan who loves her city and everything it has to offer. She spent 10 years as a NASDAQ trader in Chicago and New York in the 90's, then went back to college when "the rules changed and I realized no one was going to pay me lots of money to swear at them anymore."
She loves good food, and a perfectly poured Guinness at any Irish pub in the city. Her Beastie Boys CDs rest comfortably next to her Misfits vinyl, and she believes Underground Garage is the best radio program known to humankind. Armed with degrees in History, and a love of Urban Planning, Lynn is currently writing and researching a book on the 80's Chicago bar scene. Get in touch with Lynn at editorial@getlusty.com.
5 Simple Ways to Make More Love (vs. Just Sex)
Do you ever find yourself just having sex? Making love seems so far away. You may be slightly frustrated, but there are many simple ways to get back on track. In fact, making more love can be a relatively simple process. As Drs. Janelle and Rob Alex know, there are many ways to be sensual (versus just sexual) during your next sex session. And even focusing on making sex more sensual seems to bring some questions up. Including, what about making love? Want to make more love? Read on!
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If you are just experiencing the physical actions. The bump and grind. The sweating and huffing and puffing, you and your partner are truly depriving yourselves of the amazing gifts that you can share when you make love versus just having sex. Sure, there can be a good release from the pressures of work and life in general if you reach climax. But the benefits of the physical act are brief compared to what can be gained from opening your heart and experiencing your intimate activity with your emotions, too. And, even if you didn’t plan on it, when you open the heart you are given the chance to connect with your souls too.
Does your relationship seems to be in a good place except you feel like your sex life is suffering a bit? Then bringing the following suggestions into your love life can greatly enhance the lovemaking and move your good emotional relationship to a deeper level. If you are emotionally disconnected from your lover, then the following tips may be a start to reconnecting. But there may be much more work that needs to be done. There is no magic cure. Yes, there are love potions and spells and you can absolutely learn to direct your sexual energy towards manifesting all that you want in your life. But, it is vitally important that you understand that our closest relationships are opportunities for personal growth as well as spiritual growth. Want some simple ways to make more love?
#1 Quality vs. quantity
Being physically intimate with your lover can transform your life physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When you enjoy great lovemaking you receive fantastic benefits. And, though we suggest you make love at least two to three times a week that may not fit into your lifestyle. What is even more important is the quality of each lovemaking session. Jumping between the sheets and bouncing up and down for five minutes to make sure you do it often enough will, in our opinion, bring more negative energy into your relationship than the closeness and deep bond most people desire. Take into account the rest of the suggestions in this article and make more love.
#2 Let down your guard Becoming naked with another person. Allowing yourself to let go and reach climax let alone experience multiple orgasms makes you vulnerable. Few people realize there is great power in understanding and opening to your vulnerability. When you allow yourself to be truly vulnerable with your loving partner you can reach much higher states of erotic ecstasy. The fact, is that at some point in your physical intimacy not only you, but your sweetheart has or will encounter the sense of being vulnerable. We highly suggest that you let your guard down with one another.
Trust in each other and open to the possibilities of what that can offer the two of you. As we mentioned above, this does not necessarily just happen because you want it to. There is no off/on switch. You need to have good, loving, open communication with your partner and you need to create a safe and sacred space to make love. Letting your guard down emotionally with one another outside the bedroom will increase your chances of doing so within your lovemaking.
#3 Let go of expectations
Consider what you want out of your sex life with your partner. What do you expect to happen when the two of you get physical? Once you have sat with this question and pondered it and believe you have a pretty good idea of what you expect, we want you to let those expectations go. What your body wants, what your soul seeks, how easily sexual energy will flow through you is not the same day after day. This is true for your lover as well.
Therefore, having certain expectations going in can leave you seriously disappointed when the physical act is over. Do not make it your lover’s responsibility to pleasure you. Instead, take responsibility for your own pleasure while also holding yourself responsible for doing your best to bring your lover pleasure. Communication is key here too. Be aware of what is happening in the moment and respond to that for yourself and for your sweetheart.
Bring laughter and teasing and silliness into your relationship – inside and outside of your bedroom. Joke around, allow your goofy little inner child to come out and play. Forget the pressures of life for a bit, and share the special bond of friendship with your lover. You can even change your wording around sex. Instead of calling it “sex” or “lovemaking” or any number of other things from “doing the nasty” to “getting busy” call this fun and special time “intimate play”. You don’t always have to call it that. But changing the wording now and again offers you a different view of it. Also, it offers a chance to honor this time together and a chance to express your love in a unique way.
#5 Input = output
When you tap certain letters on your keyboard you probably expect certain words to show up on the screen. Of course, there are often times when you need to backspace and correct a typo. Why is that? Well, because what you typed in is what is going to show up. The knowledge you have, the skill you have in typing and spelling and grammar is going to dictate what happens upon your screen. Well, guess what? You can only offer the amount of love and compassion and excitement for your lover that you already have for yourself.
This is a big concept for a lot of people, but it is true. If you don’t feel worthy of love or pleasure, if you don’t have compassion for yourself, or if you don’t have a sense of excitement around your own life, then you cannot offer these things to your lover. At least, not beyond the depth of which you can do for yourself. This final suggestion to making move love and moving past just having sex means you have to start with yourself.
How much do you love yourself? (Emotionally. This is not about masturbation, though that is another suggestion for another time.) Can you feel compassion for you when you make mistakes, when you are suffering, when you look at your faults? Are you aware of your unique abilities and the great gifts you have to share with the world? Can you be excited about whom you are and what you have to give? Loving yourself more fully opens the door to loving your partner more fully and this will show up in your lovemaking and when you turn it into intimate play.
Bonus tip!
Recognize that making more love isn’t just about foreplay, sex toys, oral sex or intercourse. It is about touching your lover’s arm or back when you are in the kitchen or in public. It is about holding hands like you likely did when you first dated. It is about eye contact. There is a great deal of communication that the two of you can share without ever uttering a word during the normal day-to-day activities. Making love is about sharing a journey – the journey of your lives as well as the possible unique spiritual journey you may experience while engaging in your sexual activity.
You can honor each other during lovemaking. It is important that you do, but you can also honor each other and your partnership in an infinite number of ways that have nothing to do with sex. (*And, this will most likely not only deepen the quality, but it will likely increase the quantity, too!)
Any comments or questions? Feel free to comment below!
Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook called "Sexy Challenges: Sacred and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them at Inward Oasis. Follow them on Twitter @sexychallenges and Facebook.
Does Cum Cure Morning Sickness?
Many of our lusty readers are either thinking about conception or are in the process. There are so many ways to maximize your experience during pregnancy. For example, how about a more sensual pregnancy? And we all sometimes need to be reminded of useful kegel exercises. But what about cum? Is this actually true that semen cures morning sickness? GetLusty writer Marian Sanchez reports.
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According to Gordon Gallup, a psychology professor at the University of Albany-SUNY, there is a cure for morning sickness and its... Semen! But before you let your partner make a blowjob joke, or you roll your eyes, read this. Gallup's study interests include evolution and behavior, biology of interpersonal attractions and semen chemistry and behavior. He has published over 250 articles and has appeared in a few documentaries, one being The Science of Sex Appeal (2009).
His research findings? When a woman become pregnant, her body interprets her partners' semen like a virus which makes us ladies sick to our stomaches. (His alternative theory states it's not the food that is the problem, it's the foreign matter growing in your womb.) Gallup says to prevent further morning sickness, pregnant women should consume the baby's father's semen to help lessen the effects of an early pregnancy. Why? Because it will help inoculate the mother to better adjust to her pregnancy.
In short, the father of your child started this pregnancy with your help and now he can ease you're suffering if you are willing to swallow. Deep throat blowjob, anyone? Don't swallow that cucumber just yet. (Or, do. If you're passionate, deep throats are amazing!) Earlier this year, Jezebel noted that Salon.com writer Tracy Clark-Flory talked with no other than Gordon Gallup himself. And Gallup seemed to all but retract his semen-indused findings (noting they were largely correlational). Dear, me!
My personal take:
My pregnancy was fairly normal. When it came to oral sex, I had a difficult time being the giver during my first trimester due to exhaustion, vomiting (yes, morning sickness), work and school. At one point on a romantic trip with my husband, I even retched on him after the taste of his pre-cum hit my tongue. Kind of seems ironic that the thing that's supposed to make you feel better has such a reaction.
Once my life settled into the second trimester, sex became fun again. I noticed on occasions when giving my husband a blowjob, the taste of his ejaculation no longer twisted my insides and its unique flavor became enjoyable once more. However, even after reading up on Dr. Gordon Gallup, I can't say with any absolute certainty my morning sickness was completely abolished after every blowjob I gave simply because I never kept a sex or pregnancy journal. I was too busy being in the moment to take the time to write out my thoughts.
What about you? I am curious to know if any pregnant (past or current) ladies can remark on this topic! Did you give oral and did it settle your stomach?
This article was fashioned by GetLusty writer Marian Sanchez. Marian has many passions, writing being the oldest for her. When she isn't working on articles for GetLusty, she's with her amazing family and her five-cat herd. She enjoys all kinds of movies and TV, spending time with wonderful friends, going to Chicago metal shows and finding humor in everyday life. She has a horrible habit of wanting to learn all kinds of new things and going to different places. When it comes to sex, Marian has a raunchy good mouth and an open mind (which pleases her husband immensely).
5 Yoga Poses for Better Sex
This new year, health is probably an issue coming to your mind soon in the form of resolutions. But how about feeling better and enjoying a better sex life? GetLusty For Couples is totally serious about being healthy, because being healthy can give you a better sex life. This is the second in a series on using yoga for better sex. Our yogini, Lora Swarts, is here to talk about how yoga can be used to improve your sex life.
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Yoga has an abundance of benefits for both your mental and physical well-being. As a yoga student myself, I have seen changes in my own body that, honestly, running never gave me. The endorphins are still there after a yoga class, however what's not there is a feeling of anxiousness. When I would run I would compete with myself. "Run faster" or "run farther" "don't walk, that is for quitters." Running which once was fun, had turned into a very competitive personal sport that I really needed to break up with. When I found yoga, my entire mindset changed.
I have no more competitions with myself. I feel better emotionally, and I have more confidence. Yoga melts away anxiety, poor body image, and fatigue and worry. When you are free from these, then your inhibitions seem to dissolve as well, bringing you closer to better sex and orgasm. When you are connected to your inner self and spirit rather than the clutter in your head, you get closer to the present and worry less about how you are performing or what your body looks like. The sex becomes more freeing and uninhibited.
I always recommend that everyone should give yoga a shot. Soon enough you will start to reap the benefits and your partner will too. In our last post, I recommended 5 yoga poses to help your body and mind get in better shape for sex. Now I am back with 5 more poses! Try doing these with your partner for a little added fun before you head to the bedroom.
#1 Cat/Cow
Cat/cow pose is a simple warm-up that engages your pelvic muscles. When you are doing cat/cow you strengthen your Kegel muscles, the ones that contract during orgasm.
To do cat/cow pose:
Come into a table top position with your shoulders over wrists and your hips directly over your knees. Inhale (cow) drop your belly, lift your chest up away from your belly and extend your tailbone toward the sky. Exhale (cat pose), press into your hands, round your back like a cat, gently contract your abdominal muscles. Repeat these moves six times.
#2 Plank pose
Plank pose helps strengthen core and abdominal muscles.To do plank pose or as my yoga teacher says, "plankasana":
Stack your shoulders over your wrists. Keep your body flat as a board. Press back through your heels. Hold plank pose for 30 seconds and rest for 15 seconds and repeat for another 30 seconds. The yogi push up, also known as, chaturanga, is also very important in strengthening your arm muscles because they require lots of control. To do a chaturanga, come forward onto your toes, bend your elbows (keeping them close to your ribcage) and lower half way down creating a 90 degree angle with your arms. Hold in this low push up for a few seconds, without letting your body collapse. To rest, come down to your stomach and rest with one ear on your mat. Doing planks and yogi push ups will get your arms toned and ready for any sexy position in your future!
#3 Cobra
Cobra pose, is a heart opener pose. Heart openers connect to our heart chakras. Love, energy, and breath come from the heart chakra and therefore this pose indirectly connects to our sexual intimacy. Its an energizing, mild back bend too. So when you are feeling too tired, try a few cobras to open your heart and awaken your sexual energy!To do cobra:
You can enter cobra after lowering from plank pose, or just get right into on its own. Lie on your belly with your palms facing down, close to your low ribs. Draw your legs together and press the tops of your feet into the floor. Press your hands down evenly as your draw your elbows close to the sides of your body. On an inhale, using the strength of your back, not the force of your hands, lift your chest off the mat and draw your shoulders away from your ears. Gaze slightly in front of your mat to keep your head, neck and spine aligned. This pose comes from your lower back, so release the tension in your glutes. Hold this pose for about 10 seconds, then gently release to the floor. Do three sets of cobra pose.
#4 Utkata Konasana or Goddess poseWho doesn't want to feel like a goddess in this victory squat? This pose strengthens your glutes, thighs, quads and abdominal muscles. You will feel strength from your insides, out.
To do goddess pose:
Stand at the top of your mat. Step to the right, opening your legs about three feet apart. Turn your heels in and your toes out. Bend your knees until you are in a wide squat and your thighs are parallel to the ground. Ensure that your knees are directly over your ankles so adjust your stance if you need to. Bring your hands to prayer position. Hold here for 5 focused, deep breaths.
To do Baddha Konasana:
Sit with your legs out in front of you. Bend your knees, draw your heels as close to your pelvis as possible and bring the soles of your feet together. Allow your knees to open. Always keep the outer edges of your feet planted on the floor. Grasp your big toes with your thumb, index and middle fingers. Don't force your knees open, rather release the heads of your thigh bones to the floor and your knees will follow. Your pelvis should be in a neutral position and your perineum parallel to the floor. Hold for 1-5 minutes. To release, on an inhale, slowly bring your knees together and straighten your legs out in front of you.
Try these five yoga poses to gain some strength, confidence and better circulation. Do these poses in a row to create a mini yoga sequence that you can do anywhere! Add in some downward facing dogs and child's pose when you need to rest.
Namaste!
5 Unexpected Things to Learn from BDSM Relationships
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#1 Negotiation and compromise
In a BDSM relationship, negotiation and compromise is key. If you have hard limits (things you will not do under any circumstance) there is no compromise. However, soft limits can often be negotiated and compromised as well as punishments. In "vanilla" relationships, you can use compromise when it comes to household responsibilities like taking out the garbage. You can even use negotiation for date nights. The best part is you can make negotiation and compromise fun and sexy. If you scratch my back, I'll lick your... But to an extent, BDSM relationships have to use this.
#2 Patience
Patience is important when you are a submissive who is learning or a dominant who is teaching. You must learn the rules and schedules. You have to be patient with your lover during times of turbulence and times of happiness. Be patient when things like chores aren't finished right away. You're love for one another will grow. Of course, as long as you communicate, you'll both be all the better for it.
#3 Discipline
This is extremely important. A submissive must display disciplined behavior in accordance with their rules and contract. You can't act however you please. The same goes for a dominant. You must have discipline when it comes to the care for your sub. In a vanilla relationship, you have be disciplined as well. You must realize that you can't do whatever you want. You have to always take your partner into consideration.
#4 Trust
Trust is the biggest part of a BDSM relationship for both parties. As a submissive, you must trust that your dominant will take care of you and not cross your limits. As a dominant, you must trust that your submissive will be faithful and honor your relationship--both publicly and privately. It's not any different in a vanilla relationship. Trust is a two-way street that must be maintained. When you cultivate trust, your relationship is healthier and happier.
#5 Worth
A healthy BDSM relationship is good for reminding you about your worth. In BDSM relationships, you are reminded of your worth through each others actions, need for each other and praise. The same goes for vanilla relationships. When your lover motivates you and pushes you to do your best, your self-worth improves.
Take a few notes from BDSM relationships. Of course, not every relationship is perfect. But if we all work to make improvements in our own relationships--we can all be better! Because in the end, it's all about the love and happiness between partners.
This is a post by GetLusty writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com.
How to Stop Pissing Off Your Partner
Pesky holidays! They can get so testy, can't they? You end up arguing with your partner for no reason. One of you hasn't wrapped a present, or forgot to make reservations or some other silly reason. Or you come home with a heap of stress from another situation and you take it out on your partner. Then what? Here comes trouble! When taking these issues in stride, Dr. Jenn helps us think about helpful solutions. How about stop pissing off your partner by listening? Want to stop pissing off your partner? Read on.
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Some of the most common gender differences I see in relationships regard communication styles. For example, it is not uncommon for a woman to want to talk through things and vent about her concerns. However, many men interpret this as a request to fix the situation.
Vent, gather info or fix?
It makes sense -- if someone we love is hurting and tells us that, why wouldn’t we want to do what we can to “fix” it? But interestingly, the woman often becomes irritated because she says he isn’t listening to her or is trivializing her concern. And the man gets annoyed, because he thinks she isn’t taking his advice to make the situation better.
If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, what can you do about it? The best approach is to be clear about your expectations from the start. For example, if everyday when you get home from work you like to tell you partner about what happened and share your frustrations, state up front what you’re looking for.
“Hi, hon. Can I just vent about my day? You don’t have to do anything. I just need you to listen.” And if you’re on the receiving end you could say, “I noticed I’m getting really irritated listening right now and frustrated that I can’t do anything. Do you want me to help you fix this problem, or do you just want me to listen?” This will make a big shift in communication and avoid hurt feelings.
I think there can also be a third category, depending on your personality. Sometimes people share stories and ask questions because they are on a “fact finding” mission. They want to gather perspectives so they can come to a more informed decision for themselves. So recognize this as a middle area, and clearly state your intentions for the conversation.
“I don’t need to vent, but I’m also not looking for a fix. I’m curious about your ideas around this topic just so I can gather information.” With this clarity, the partner who is giving the feedback will be less likely to feel discouraged if you don’t take their advice.
Like developing any new habit, it can take time to create this new pattern of interaction. Being clear about your intentions and expectations is a great practice in transparency. In the long run, we’re much more likely to get our needs met when we own them and articulate them from the start.
Jennifer "Dr. Jenn" Gunsaullus, Ph.D., is a sociologist who works as a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, and a relationship and intimacy counselor. She specializes in helping women, couples, and groups deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and improve trust and self-expression.Dr. Jenn got her start in the sex and relationship field 19 years ago as a sexual health peer educator at Lehigh University in her home state of Pennsylvania. She now merges her practical training in sexual health and academic training in sociology with her passion for holistic health and mind/body/spirit perspectives. Follow Dr. Jenn on twitter @DrJennsDen, or subscribe to her Facebook page.
