Erotic Orgasm Denial 101

Erotic orgasm denial is supremely hot. Though we've just been introduced to this idea, it already sounds fabulous. And it's the weekend, what better time to try new things sexually? On top of that, we just love articles by Portia Blush. Without adieu, Portia Blush, our master of female domination, is here to talk about erotic orgasm denial.

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You've heard that old adage, "Tis' better to give than to receive", right? Orgasm has long been the goalpost that most of us look forward to reaching during our sexual escapades, so much so that sometimes we lose sight of enjoying ourselves in the pleasure of the moment. When sex is goal-oriented and we become fixated in whether or not we're going to climax, it can actually lessen our pleasure, rather than heighten it. This anxiety over whether or not one is going to climax or not, or how long it's taking to reach that point, can actually inhibit the very thing we crave. But what if we took the goal away? What if suddenly there was no finish line?

What is erotic denial?

Erotic orgasm denial, or sometimes called "tease and denial" play, takes away the goal of orgasm, and helps your partner not only focus on the pleasure they are giving, but also heightens the pleasure they are receiving.

Orgasm Denial is the practice of withholding and/or denying orgasm during sexual activity in order to maintain a heightened state of arousal for an extended time. Within a D/s (dominant/submissive) bond in a BD/SM relationship, it is also used as a method of, or reinforcement of, control. For it to be most effective, a degree of familiarity with your partner is paramount; knowing the subtle (and not so subtle) cues of their stages of arousal will be needed for you to learn where their orgasmic edge lies. Intimate knowledge of your partner's sexual response will help you to know how, where, and when to vary the intensity and timing of the stimulation accurately. The amount of time orgasm is withheld varies upon many factors, just as the reasons for doing so, and can range from hours, to days, or even months! Although the word "denial" may sound controlling, please know that this type of play is consensual, and not forced. Both partners are willing and hopefully eager, participants.

The numerous degrees of orgasm denial

Orgasm Denial can include several different degrees of play. "Edging", or "tease and denial", is when you stimulate your partner almost to the point of orgasm, but then reduce or stop the stimulation just prior to climax, only to then work up to that point again, and repeat the process. This style can be done in short or long-term scenarios, as decided by between lovers. Enforced Chastity is another form of orgasm denial in which orgasm is not only controlled and denied, but other sexual stimulation as well. It can also include masturbation, in addition to partner sexual exchange. This can be done through just verbal command and acceptance, or through more extreme measures by using chastity enforcement devices.

The joys of Orgasm Denial can be experienced within the context of a D/s relationship in BD/SM play, or it can be shared between two partners who just want to enjoy experimenting with new forms of erotic sexual play. No matter what your relationship style the benefits are the same; sustained, intensified pleasure. Also, orgasm control can be shared between couples of varying gender configurations. Please know that I am writing this article from the viewpoint of a woman with primarily male lovers, so I am referring mostly here to male orgasm denial, though the characteristics of female orgasm denial are extensively similar.

Top 5 Reasons to Try Orgasm Denial

#1 Heightened Sensations

While one might think of denying orgasm as incredibly limiting to pleasure, it's actually the opposite. By withholding orgasm you force your partner to remain in a place of sustained arousal, and that arousal continues to build upon itself, instead of decreasing through the release of orgasm. When you don't allow your partner to fall over that climactic edge, the erotic energy magnifies, making even the subtlest of stimulation that much more intense than before. Your partner will experience your touch at a whole new level. Suddenly the person being denied the orgasm will rediscover kisses, touches, and other pleasures that had become routine.

#2 The Big "O" Just Got Bigger

When you deny your partner an orgasm by continually bringing them to the precipice of their edge, but never allowing them to fall over, you increase their ability to sustain that state of arousal for longer and longer periods of time. This allows the person being denied the orgasm to experience that heightened pleasure for longer periods of time, but also now is able to focus intently on the pleasure in the moment, without the pressure of progressing towards climax. After remaining in this tide of the ebb and flow of this state of intensified arousal, when they are allowed to come, the orgasmic pleasures experienced will be intensified above and beyond those felt during a typical sexual experience. Some people say that even their most pleasurable peaks were no comparison to those reached after being denied orgasm for periods of time.

#3 Increased Sexual Frequency 

Heightened sensations mean heightened enjoyment, and the longer you remain in that heightened state of arousal, the more often you want to be experiencing sexual sensations. The person is stimulated that much easier, as they are almost in a constant state of arousal because they have yet to complete the arousal cycle through orgasmic release. It can become almost a constant state of desire. And what does this mean for you? More sex! They will want to have sex more often, and you get the reap the benefits!



#4 Rediscovery of Your Partner  

Ladies, restricting his orgasms, and exercising control over whether or not he has one, and when , will have him focussed on pleasing you! When his orgasm is restricted, your lover will become more tuned in to you, and will learn how to put your pleasures before their own. It will help him relearn the exquisite pleasure of a lingering deep kiss, or a soft caress, as they no longer are markers along the way to orgasm, but now the main course to savor. Orgasm Denial teaches your partner how to derive pleasure from pleasing his partner; you!

#5 The Joy of Surrender  

Power Exchange can be incredibly erotic in itself, so what better way to enhance your intimacy then by surrendering the control of your most intimate, personal acts; orgasms. It can be highly arousing to give yourself over to another this way, and allow yourself to experience how freeing giving up control can be. When we are expected to be in charge of so much in life, surrendering the responsibility to your lover to take care of you can be not only a relief, but intoxicatingly powerful.

It's always exciting to try new experiences together, especially in the bedroom. Orgasm Denial may be that next new thing on your horizon to bring you closer together! While I understand it may not be everyone's erotic cup of tea, I encourage you to have an open mind, and consider that Orgasm Denial play may have something to offer you and your lover. As always, play safe, and most of all, have fun my fellow sexplorers!

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.