We think about BDSM a lot. Analyzing the psychology of BDSM. Alternatively, bringing BDSM into bed. Why submissive skills are underrated and even the BDSM contract. But today we've got some special advice from our favorite, 'Queen of Kink', Portia Blush. Portia is back for a special episode on bondage. We like to mix things up in bed, so what better way of trying something new? How about bondage? Have you tried the art of bondage before? If not, Portia Blush is back to talk about bondage basics. Go ahead--get your kink on!
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Tis the season for giving and receiving! What better way to celebrate the spirit of the season, than by learning something new that both you and your lover can enjoy together! Dominance and submission is all about giving and receiving at the core of it's sensual and sexual exploration, and bondage is one of the most popular expressions of the gift of this power exchange. Here are 5 tips for the beginning bondage enthusiast to get you started, and inspire you for hours of play to come!
#1 Safety first
Safety is paramount in any kind of bondage play. Tying someone up, or using restraints on someone, involves a fair amount of risk. Don't do anything that is above your skill level. You need to understand the safety precautions you must take, as well as the signs to check for in case your submissive needs help. If you're using rope, make sure not to tie them too tight so as to cause lack of circulation. Make sure you check in regularly with your submissive to make sure they are not losing circulation; verbally, as well as by feeling hands and feet when wrists and ankles are restrained. If you're going to be using locking restraints such as locking cuffs or handcuffs, make sure you have the correct keys nearby and at the ready.
If you're doing rope bondage, make sure you have a pair of safety scissors on hand in case you need to cut your partner out in a hurry. You as the Dominant are in charge of the care and well-being of your partner's care. And, most importantly, never under any circumstances engage in any bondage play when you are under the influence f alcohol or drugs. A glass of wine in your system is fine, a bottle is not. You need to have a clear head, and be alert at all times. In addition, never leave your partner unattended for more than 30 seconds when they are restrained. Taking a bathroom break is ok, anything longer is not. Their safety is in your hands: respect it.
#2 Know thy tools
Knowledge is the most important tool in your tool box. Before you whip out the ropes and tie your lover to the bedpost, know what you're doing. First of all, it will give you confidence, and when you're the Dominant in the situation, confidence is a major factor in being effective in a scene. It's much sexier to be tied up by a person who knows what they're doing, than by someone is is very evidently fumbling. So, if you are into rope, learn how to tie knots safely and effectively.
While as a beginner you will be fine with the standard "I can tie my shoes" knot, there are knots you can learn for quick release, as well as ways of tying rope so that the knots won't slip and inadvertently tighten, causing a lack of circulation. Same goes for any restraint done with fabric too, like scarves or neckties. If you're into to using handcuffs, know how they work, and how to apply them safely, as well as how to remove them. Leashes, collars, cuffs, rope, and spreader bars are just the beginning! Explore, read, learn, and enjoy!
#3 Be creative!
You don't need to go out and buy a bunch of uber expensive scene gear to have a good time! Hardware stores and home improvement stores are your friends! You can find all sorts of fun things to do bondage play on the cheap, and yet, just as effectively as all the pricey scene sites. Want cotton rope? Metal d-ring clamps? Wooden dowels? Pallet wrap? Home Depot is your new best friend! Wooden dowels with an eye screw screwed into each end make great spreader bars! Pallet wrap is a fun item to use to wrap your partner to something, without needing to know how to tie knots! Or, think of what you have handy at home that you can use! Silk neckties, scarves, leather belts, are all readily available and affordable! Don't have a four poster bed, or even a bed with a frame? How about using a dining room chair! Use your imagination, and have fun!
#4 All tied up with no place to go, now what? So you have your partner restrained. Now what? Have a purpose and a plan. Even if it's a loose one about what you envision for them while they are your captive. Do you want to be the cruel captor who plans to punish and use their new found captive for their own gratification, or are you the temptress; seducing and teasing their body with every sensual tool at your disposal? The fantasy you play out will largely depend upon what you have both negotiated as what want out of the scene. Bondage is about helplessness at it's core.
You can emphasize that in any way you choose. Play with their senses. Always keep them guessing. Once they're tied up, move methodically, keep changing directions. Add a blindfold into the mix to further instill that feeling of helplessness, and also to heighten their other senses. Touch: use your hands, your fingertips, your fingernails, ice cubes, feathers, warm massage oil, or whatever else you can think of to entice and enliven the skin's senses craving for more! Play music to help set the mood, or to mask the sound of your movements as you walk on the floor around them. Don't forget the seduction of their sense of taste. Food is incredibly sensual! Have an array of bite-sized pieces of fruit, chocolates, and syrups at the ready. Explore your partner's body like the gift it is.
#5 Communication is key
Lastly, it is just as much the Dominant's responsibility to communicate as it is the submissive's. The better you communicate before and during a scene, the better the experience will be for both of you. If you don't want to be tied with your hands behind you back, let your partner know beforehand. If something is uncomfortable, or you are losing circulation, don't be worried about breaking the mood to say so.
There is nothing sexy about losing the feeling in your limbs. I guarantee you that your partner wants you to enjoy yourself, just as much as you want your partner to enjoy tying you up! Also, if your partner's body has limits to it's flexibility or movements, make sure you take those into consideration when you devise your bondage scene. While bondage is about the helplessness of restraint, and the inherent discomfort that goes along with that, discomfort that hinders or hurts someones enjoyment of the full experience, or their physical safety, is never sexy.
Have fun, play safe, and play smart! For more information on bondage, or D/s, feel free to contact Portia Blush below!
Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time. She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.
