Best of 2012! 3 Simple Ways to Give a More Loving Handjob

It's never to late to ponder about all the fabulous things that happened in 2012 (think: GetLusty)! We loved this one so much, we put it back on the shelf as a, "Best of"!

Handjobs should never be forgotten or underrated. What could be more sexy than waking your man up in the morning with your hand gently caressing his shaft? Now, we all know by now how to give an amazing blowjob and why blowjobs are important thanks to the amazingly talented Camille Crimson. But what about the handjob? Tommy Allen, our favorite happily married husband, is here with some advice on the handjob and why it can be the main attraction more often, rather than just a teaser.

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How can something so simple and yet so sexually satisfying as a handjob be so misunderstood? Just the sight of her dainty hand wrapped around your growing and responding sex tool is a visual aphrodisiac.

Too often, a handjob has been relished to the role of foreplay; just a teaser, not the main attraction. I think occasionally, the perfect handjob can be the feature! Below are several recommendations for making your next manual love session better.

#1 Initiate 

Wake up one morning and gently roll him on his side facing away from you. Pull yourself tight against his back with your breasts pressed hard against him. Reach over and touch his lower stomach with your fingers. Rub your hand back and forth just above his dick without touching it. In a few moments he'll have an erection that cannot continue to be ignored.

Have a towel handy and place it where the expected explosion will occur. When you put the towel under him you are telling him that you expect to jack him off until he cums and he should feel free to let that happen. That towel is the assurance he needs to realize he's free to let go and let it happen.

#2 Move slow and steady 

Now wrap your hand around his hard toy. Bend your hand so the tips of your fingers are rubbing against the underside of his penis as your hand moves up and down his shaft in a slow, steady motion. Let the palm of your hand gently glide back and forth along the entire length. Don't jerk, don't beat, just sensually slide up and down and quicken the pace ever so slightly as you feel him tensing.

Just remember he is absolutely enjoying your hand jerking off his dick, but it's the totality of sensations that accumulate to make this a mind-blowing experience. Breathe gently on the back of his neck while pulled up close to him. Push your pelvis forward so he can feel the warmth of your femininity against his ass. Brush your toes against his legs and feet.

#3 Connect with him in the moment

Just before explosion, pull the final trigger. Stop stroking and put your finger in your mouth as if you're tasting what he's offering.

Then caress the head of his penis with your wet fingers from your own mouth. Rub the moisture all over the head so he knows you are sharing your juices with him. The time is right to pick up the pace and finish the job.

Make your strokes more deliberate and intense. Breath heavily with him letting him know you are anxiously anticipating his release.

Once he ejaculates, gently rub the extra juices over the head of his penis while you both relax and enjoy the moment. I'll bet he'll offer you something special in return. Check out Tommy's other article on lovingly playing with his balls, for some added pleasure!

When we heard from Tommy, we were very excited. He's still very much in love with his wife of over 3 decades. And he wants to share his successful skills! 

Tommy has been happily married for 34 years and together he and his wife has 3 grown sons. He is a student of life and love. He loves to learn by watching, listening and observing others. He use his blog to share his observations on life, love and relationships. Love is Tommy's favorite subject. He and his wife have lived, loved, loved and loved some more in Daytona Beach for more than 18 years.

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6 Must-Try Kinds of Foreplay

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Make Shower Sex Less Awkward

Sex in the shower is sort of like pizza in bed. A great idea that inevitably leads to disaster. Issues like space, how to position one's body, how to avoid broken appendages. It becomes too much to bear and the idea gets abandoned. But there has to be a way to have your pizza and eat it too and our researchers are working around the clock to find a way. In a series with long time friends and sex advisors Eli and Josie, they talk about how to maximize the pleasures of shower sex as well as instructions on what positions best fit what ever type of shower you may have.

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Dear Sexes: Is there a trick I’m missing with shower sex? I mean, it’s WAY hot, but it seems like my only options are (1) in a corner getting leg cramps, or (2) on my knees, which hurts like hell on my knee caps with the tough plastic that the shower is made of. Is this a “try it 'til you figure it out” thing, or a mythical movie type of sex?

She Said: Shower sex doesn’t always create the best scenario for optimum sexual pleasure. But you’re right that it’s hot: the water, the soap, the wet hair, the slippery skin—not to mention the naughty factor that goes along with sex anywhere other than a bed.

However, there are ways to maximize the shower-sex pleasure. One key tool for great shower sex is a set of extra-cushy washcloths. For doggie-style, fold each washcloth in half and put them under your knees. If someone’s sitting on the floor of the shower, a washcloth under the bum can help a lot, too. The washcloths are also crucial for the knees of whomever is the giver of oral sex in the shower. A fun way to have sex in the shower, if you have the room, is to lie down on your back and put your partner on top. Then she can arch her back into the spray of water and you both have easy clitoral access.

Sometimes shower sex is best left short and sweet by making it a quickie or by starting the interlude in the shower, to be continued elsewhere. Try to draw out the foreplay as long as possible (but keep in mind, we’re in a water drought!) by soaping each other up, sliding slippery fingers across each other’s bodies, using the hand-held shower head on each other’s favorite spots, and giving oral sex. Then, just as you’re feeling like you’re about to die if you don’t complete the act, wrap up in towels (don’t worry about drying all the way off, stay wet!) and move to the bed. You’ll be clawing at each other from all the lead-up and you can utilize all the best in-bed positions.

He Said: Agreed! Shower sex is hot! It’s always fun to clean up and get dirty at the same time. Of course, the amount of positions you can try out is somewhat dependent on the type of shower you have. If you have a small, stand-up shower (no bath), your space is probably limited. However, you can actually use the lack of space to your benefit. Position yourself or your mate against the shower walls for extra good pushing/friction. The tiny confines also make for a good opportunity to get a leg high up in the air (resting against a wall, while your hands, or your mate, keep you upright, steadying against an opposite wall).

If you have a full shower (with bath), you really have no excuse NOT to explore all possibilities. You’ve got the room, so you’re as free as your imagination allows. And if you have sensitive knee caps, don’t be afraid to squat it out. Also, don’t forget to use plenty of lube as need be. The water actually detracts from the body’s natural lubrication. And please, no falling! We don’t want any slips causing death by shower sex.

If you want a good laugh, read what people have to say about shower sex over on Yahoo! Aren’t you glad you asked us instead?

Reprinted with permission from from The Good Men Project. Cross post from She Said He Said.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always bee a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the advice they offered was honest and direct-and completely different than the advice women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like sees it, and usually sees it very well.

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5 Lesbian Sex Tips to Make Foreplay Fabulous

As we're branching out to represent more couples, we also want to let couples know how we can help each other. For instance, who wouldn't love to learn cunnilingus technique from a lesbian? Gents and ladies alike--this is a valuable skill. One that needs to be honed! These are lesbian sex secrets brought to you by GetLusty's lesbian writer, Milan Weasley.

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Lesbian sex is intense. Whether this is your first try, you're a pro, or you're part of a straight couple wanting to change things up, these are tips to heat up any bedroom.

#1 Get comfortable!

On average, it takes a woman 15-40 minutes to reach orgasm. So whether you're partaking in cunnilingus or intercourse, be prepared to invest some time. I find that once I only realize I'm in an uncomfortable spot right before my partner is about to orgasm. Then, I'm left to fight the pain until she's climaxed. Combat this by avoiding it. Pillows are your friend!

#2 Become a sexplorer

Women, individually, are unique. No two bodies are exactly the same. Touch her all over. Then, touch her all over again. What may turn you on, may not turn her on. And even if you've been with your partner for years, that doesn't mean there's no more exploring. There's always more to explore. A place you can't stand to be touched, may send her over the edge. This doesn't only apply to foreplay. During intercourse or cunnilingus, pay attention to her responses and sounds. These tell you what to keep doing and what to stop or change. In addition, don't forget to constantly communicate during sex!

#3 Stop n' go

Cunnilingus is a great. It focuses attention around one of the areas need for climax: the clit. But don't go straight for it. Tease her, caress her, use your tongue. Tease her by using your fingertips to trace lines up and down her inner thighs. Kiss from her inner thighs to her lips. Graze your lips along her labia. It's all about the build up and the tease. Bring her to the brink of climax, then stop. And do it again. You'll leave her begging for more.

#4 It's all about multiplicity 

Men can have multiple orgasms. Indeed, women can have multiple orgasms, too! The great thing about female orgasm is that we're not done after one. The even better thing about lesbian sex is, because of that, it can last for hours. It may take some dedication to achieve the first orgasm, but each after will be easier to reach. After she orgasms, don't stop! Kiss her lightly to slowly build back up to another orgasm. Just be gentle. After an orgasm some areas, especially the clit, are very sensitive. Just gently kiss and caress, until she seems ready for another climax. And she'll be able to reach another.

#5 Spice it up with sex toys

Toys aren't just for kids. Sex toys can be a welcome addition for your bedroom! They can take her from the edge of climax to over the edge! They can enhance moves and spice up even the most simple of positions. Whether it's a vibrator during cunnilingus or intercourse, or a strap-on to change things up. One of my favorite toys is the Wartenberg pinwheel. The cold metal being traced over sensitive skin gives an erotic feeling like no other.

We're all about spicing things up here at GetLusty! Do you have other recommendations? We'd love to hear about them below in the comment section. Alternatively, send Milan feedback directly at the e-mail address in her bio (milan@getlusty.com).

Speaking of having better sex, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker'. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty.



This is a guest post by GetLusty staff writer Milan Weasley. She's pretty amazing. We're so excited to have Milan as one of our first lesbian writers. (Ah! Dykes and dildos!) She spends her days procrastinating grad school and her nights procrastinating everything else. She enjoys writing, gogo dancing, sewing, pole dancing, and defending the Oxford comma.


Questions, comments or article ideas? Get in touch with Milan at milan@getlusty.com.

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12 Places to Have Saucy Apartment Sex

It's getting cold out, so what better time to have wonderful apartment sex? We very recently wrote about five crazy places to have apartment sex.

Let's have some more fun with this! Now we are taking it further with 13 places to have wild and amazing sex in your very own apartment. Whether you live in a studio apartment, a condo, or a loft, allow yourself to explore your sex life in every nook and cranny. Georgia Laso is here to inspire us with 13 places to have sex in your apartment!

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Top thirteen places to get frisky in the bedroom: who doesn’t love it? It’s an oldie but goodie. But now that you are out of your parents’ house, out of a dorm, and have your own place, what about the rest of the apartment? It’s time to celebrate being an out-of-the-nest adult and christen every room in your new flat!

#1 The Tub

Just as much an ‘oldie but goodie’ as the bedroom, but that’s why it’s a classic, right? Turn up the water temperature to keep things steamy and have a little fun with whatever might be in reach as well: shampoo, soap, body wash, body buff. The shower also allows for raunchy positions such as doggie style, the sensual shower, and, if you have a sturdy shower rod (no pun intended), the hot rod.

 #2 Washer/dryer room

What better way to do your laundry? Get it on during the spin cycle for some vibrating fun or let the dryer heat up the moment. Sex here can work if you have an in-unit washer/dryer or a community laundry room. If in a shared laundry room, make sure the door is locked or time your foray in between loads.

#3 Kitchen counter

If you live with a roommate then this one has the added thrill of being caught. Ladies, prop up on the counter or simply get down and dirty right there on the floor. The feeling that you’re in a forbidden space will amp up the excitement, and for more fun open up the fridge and find some whipped cream or chocolate sauce — or both!

#4 Elevator

This one may be for the more adventurous couples. Have an elevator in your apartment building? Ride it all the way up and have a quickie or simply hit the ‘stop’ button. If there are any handrails available, use them as leverage for orgasmic positions! Just be sure there are no security cameras around.

#5 The porch/ balcony 

This is a great spot for multiple reasons: fresh air, thrill of being seen, getting in touch with nature, and possibly even some stargazing. You can make the moment super romantic with wine and a picnic and you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your own home! Bring some blankets or simply use the patio furniture at hand.

#6 Bar stools 

Ladies, lay across one to three barstools and have your man enter you from behind. If you’re good at balancing, have your guy sit on the barstool and sit on his lap (facing him or facing away). Use other barstools for support or lean it against a wall. Trying to keep your balance will add to the excitement.

#7 Dining room table

Once again, this area toys with the idea of getting it on in a “forbidden" place. Make use of the chairs and have sex on the table, under the table, against the table, and whatever other combinations you two can come up with!

#8 Exercise equipment

You didn't know how much fun it was not jogging on your treadmill? Yes, it's possible! Have a bench press in your pad? Stationary bike? Pull-up bar? Yoga ball? There are endless possibilities when it comes to getting frisky on exercise equipment. Try girl on top for equipment that comes with a seat or maybe a standing position for anything with a sturdy bar.

The next time you're working out, consider all the lusty things that were done on that equipment.

#9 Staircase

Such a simple area and yet so many opportunities for fun with your partner! Doggie style, cowgirl, leg lock. The possibilities are endless! Use the handrails for added positions with support or bondage.

#10 Recliner chair

Start with the chair in its upright position and let your partner climb on top of you. At some point, pop the foot of the chair out and lean back. This will make for a deeper penetration.

#11 The doorway

This area is all about urgency. Begin getting frisky with your partner the moment they walk through the door (or maybe the moment you both arrive home together). Don’t wait to make it to the bedroom or even the living room. For more details, try this article.

#12 Couch

OK, this is pretty much a classic. A favorite place for cuddling, watching movies, staying warm by the fire, and of course — sex. You can do every position that you do on a bed, but the element of being in a new area, adds to the excitement. Your partner's ability to sit up while you ride him makes for more intimacy, and grabbing onto the back of the couch can add more stability and leverage. Spice it up and try different positions on the armrests and use the cushions to create greater leverage!

Enjoy each other and your love together! Enjoy GetLusty. 

Georgia Laso is another great writer from GetLusty for Couples. Georgia is a Southern lady whose sweet demeanor helps people open up to her about all their sexual escapades, fantasies and charades.

She is a self-proclaimed theater nerd and is excited to talk to anybody and everybody about all that Chicago's theater scene has to offer. A recent graduate from a small Liberal Arts college, Georgia is thrilled to be one of the latest members added to the GetLusty for Couple's team! Want to get in touch with her? Email her at georgia@getlusty.com!

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5 Pillars of an Amazing Sexual Relationship

You feel like your missing something in your sexual relationship. Maybe you feel overall your relationship could be better. Why? These 5 things. I've been there. I started GetLusty for Couples because my relationship and sex life with my husband was less-than-stellar. But we worked on these key areas and things got better. While no marriage or couple is perfect, we're always growing, changing and improving--these pillars are absolutely essential to an amazing sexual relationship.

As you may not know, GetLusty for Couples will be launching a new version of our site on December 1st. In just one week's time, I think you'll be very excited to see our new features. Suffice to say, we're passionate about helping nurture relationships and sex. And we're committed to being a relationship improvement service. Erica Grigg, our co-Founder and Chief Lust Officer, reports.

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Based on our extensive personal research, we found 5 ways to make our marriage and sexual lives better. If we kept up these 5 different areas of our relationship, we’d have an amazing sexual relationship. We based the GetLusty for Couples platform on these pillars and needs. In launch, we'll be working to provide couples services to improve their relationships in these areas specifically. We're here to make relationships great--throughout the years. What are these pillars, you ask?


#1 Communication

If you can’t tell your partner how you’re feeling, how are you expecting them to understand you? If you don’t tell them you’re angry, how can you expect them to console you when you need it most? Communication of your feelings, problems and successes is an essential component to an amazing sexual relationship.

#2 Health

If you don't keep up with your own personal hygiene, working out and overall physical health--it's hard to feel sexy for someone else. If you don’t feel sexy, you're far less likely to want to have sex. If you don’t feel healthy, it’s also hard to have high self-esteem. Having a healthy outlook on life is beneficial for both partners. Simply, eating right, exercising regularly and maintaining a good appearance is positive for both individuals and couples.

#3 Sexual technique

If you don’t know the best ways to give head, how do you expect your partner to orgasm? If you aren’t able to orgasm, what are some other ways to achieve pleasure? Sexual technique should be easy to find and accessible. Curious about how to have anal sex? Want to be better at cunninlingus? You’re be a few clicks away!

#4 Dating (for couples)

If you only see each other in passing, how do you expect to retain your lusty love? Having a scheduled weekly or twice-monthly period where you’re simply enjoying each others’ presence is a wonderful experience to share.

You start to equate the times you’re together during dates with your overall experience. And when you’re on a date having fun, it’s easy to have an absolute blast. Isn’t that why you’re in love in the first place? Dating makes your relationship so much more fun.

#5 New experiences/adventures

So maybe you go to the same restaurant, bar or park every time you go on a date. Like all long-term relationships, things get monotonous. However, when you exit your routine, you become surprised again. The mystery and suspense of a dating relationship begins again. It’s hard not to feel the oxytocin flowing again when you jump off a cliff or travel to another city together to do something different.

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, mission-driven entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to end boring sex. If you don't see Erica riding around Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with the love of her life, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook and Google+.

Want to connect about business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.

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Tomorrow! Networking for Kinky People

GetLusty is all about meeting new kinky people! If you wanna get out there and find some like minded sexual deviants, there's plenty of events just for that purpose. Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg host a variety of classes on sexuality. This week's class is on networking and GetLusty's event writer Greg Dorn has the details.

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Just as people come in all shapes and sizes, so do our sexual appetites. For people who want to expand their sexual resume, for people who need something a little bit more wild, or for people who are simply curious and looking for something fun to do, you should show up at Taboo Tabou this Wednesday at 7pm.  Don't be shy.

The What

Networking for Kinky People: Learn how to function in various sexual subcommunities including polygamy and swinging. In most social settings, it is very difficult to be open and find people who are interested in the same sexy activities as you. This class gives you a chance to learn how to maneuvere those communities, in which you can find someone to join you in exploring your most intimate desires!

The Who

Ken Melvoin-Berg owns Weird Chicago Tours and the Midwest’s premier S&M Dungeon, The Studio. As a Lecturer and Sexstorian, he is the creator of On The Edge (a lecture/film series on BDSM). In addition to authoring 14 books on various subjects, Ken edits and writes numerous articles on sexuality. He travels around the world teaching kink awareness to various private groups and continually develops new kink-friendly/sex positive classes.

Ken is responsible for the infamous Northwestern University Fucksaw controversy while teaching his class, Networking for Kinky People. Sunny Megatron is his partner in crime in his perverted adventures.

Sunny Megatron is a pleasure advocate, sex blogger, sexpert, adult sexuality educator and accidental superhero. Along with Ken, she is one of the infamous Northwestern Fucksaw Four and is the proud owner of that fucksaw heard around the world.

On any given weekend you can find Sunny hosting Red Light District Sex Tours and bachelorette parties for Weird Chicago Tours. She also teaches various sexuality workshops around the country including: Networking for Kinky People, BDSM 101, How to Give a World Class BlowJob, Exploring Non-Monogamy, ZAP! Electrical Play, The Female Orgasm, and Junk For Your Junk: Sex Toys 101.

Although Sunny covers various subjects, her specialties are the female orgasm and alternative sexuality— from LGBTQ topics to swinging, BDSM, nontraditional relationships, extreme toys, g-spot techniques and more. She particularly enjoys helping those curious about adding a little spice to their sex lives that aren’t sure where to begin.

Where and When

Don't fret, the next class is this Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at Lakeview's Taboo Tabou starting at 7pm. Tickets are sold at the door, but reserve your spot now by clicking on this link. Be sure to check out their other upcoming events. All classes are held upstairs in the Salon Cabaret, and require a $10 class fee.

For more classes, and Chicago sex tours, please check out Ken and Sunny here. Just remember to leave your inhibitions at the door. Trust me, you'll be in good hands.

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This is a guest post by our own Greg Dorn. Greg is a self-employed day trader who loves writing. He aims to think about sex whenever possible, including enhancing his own love life! If you don't see Greg crunching numbers, you'll find him enjoying the beauty of his wonderful girlfriend around Chicago. Greg also writes for a History of Cool, a perspective on the changing definition of cool. Besides sex and numbers, Greg geeks out on the ever-changing analytical definition of coolness. Find Greg on Twitter @ahistoryofcool.

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The Clitoris: Demystified

Everyone has heard a clitoris joke. They are all slightly the same and usually end on a note of dismissive bewilderment; a sort of careless surrender. Simply because the clit is small and so super-sensitive it has become a point of fear and a mystery not worth hunting for. Like the Loch Ness monster or something. Men, (and women!), not knowing what a clitoris is and where it is located has become a symbol of society's overall lack of knowledge and disregard for women in general. We at GetLusty aim to educate our readers by increasing discussion, stimulating thought, and abandoning presumptions. So even if you think you know everything about the clitoris, you should read this in-depth article from everyday sex advice team Josie and Eli.

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Dear Sexes: The clitoris. Please demystify.

He Said: Ahhh, the clitoris!!! Yet another fantastic wonder of the world. My research tells me that the clitoris is a sexual organ that is present only in female mammals. In humans, the visible, button-like portion is located near the anterior junction of the labia minora, above the opening of the urethra and vagina. The clitoris is the most sensitive erogenous zone of the female. But I’m sure you already knew that.


If you don’t know where it’s located, check out the picture to the right.

As a man, my field studies with the clitoris tell me that the pleasuring of this organ depends on the owner. When stimulating the clitoris, sometimes a penis will do. Sometimes a tongue or finger will do. And sometimes, props will get the job done as well. Don’t be afraid to experiment! There are many combinations of possibilities, but success, arousal, and satisfaction depend mostly on the preferences of the owner (and good communication – between owner and user). But of course, you don’t want to hear about my research and field studies. You want to hear (and so do I) from our resident clitoris expert, Josie.

She Said, take it away!!

She Said: Thank you, Dr. Eli.

First, let’s clarify: The clit may look like a button, but it is, in fact, not a button. Don’t press it! Don’t touch it with the expectation that you will win a prize. Imagine the all the nerve endings of your penis, but compacted together into that itty bitty little pink thing – actually there are more nerve endings in that teeny area than in your whole penis! You know that feeling after you orgasm, where you just need a second where nothing is touching you because you’re just too sensitive? That’s how the clit can feel if you don’t approach it with sensitivity.

Of course, all women are different. Our engines rev at different speeds. Some of us are geared faster, some slower. When in doubt, take it slower, as she can always tell you, “more, faster, harder” without feeling self-conscious, but she may be less apt to say, “take it easy, that’s too much, slow down.” (Though ladies, really, say what you need to say. Sex isn’t about him, it’s about you both equally.)

Also, as much as you read about this “pulling back the hood” thing with clitorises in less-than-reputable literature (like Penthouse), unless you are given specific instructions to do so, don’t do that either. That little bit of soft flesh is there for a reason, because it is so sensitive and so vulnerable. Leave it be, when she gets aroused and the clit starts to swell, it’ll take care of itself.

So on to arousal. At first, it’s best to avoid any direct contact with the clitoris. Give attention to the whole area – the inner thighs, the labia, the vagina, all the soft stuff. Your relationship with the clitoris is like starting a new little love affair every time you go down there. Give it some attention, be a little aloof, keep checking in, maybe spend a quick visit. But don’t devote a whole ton of energy on the clitoris itself until you’ve gotten the signal that it’s time.

What are the signals? First, the aforementioned swelling. All her parts are going to get soft and more pillowy, warm and pink. Second, the wetness. You should know all about that. Once you feel like the signals are all there, then move to the clit and touch lightly. As she gets more into it, you can add more pressure, but gauge how much by her reactions.

Also, when using your tongue, the tip is great for a little flick, but the wider and less specific part of your tongue is better for more consistent pressure. Try the underside of your tongue (where it’s super smooth) to start out. Once she’s into it, kissing, licking, stroking, and even gentle sucking are all great fun. Or, as Eli pointed out, use a tool.

Just remember that while she’s revving up, try to keep some variety in what you’re doing. Regardless of whether you’re using your mouth, hands, tool or if you’re in the middle of penetrative sex, don’t just find a spot and stick there the whole time. Be creative. Spend more and more time on the clit as she gets more turned on. Once you’ve hit the spot and are in a good rhythm, go with that. Listen to her words and her body and you will quickly become the best lover she’s ever known.

Most women I know find that if they’ve already had an orgasm, the clitoris is more erect, which makes it easier to orgasm during intercourse. Therefore, it’s always fun to aim to have her orgasm either before penetration, or early on in penetrative sex—using a vibrator or your hands or hers—to help increase the likelihood of her achieving multiple orgasms.

Also, there is such a thing as the internal clitoris! I think that the best practical advice about the internal clitoris involves trying different positions and different depths of penetration until you find the spot where the internal stimulation of the g-spot and/or the internal clitoris (aka “glans”) is stimulated. I’m hesitant to give specific advice about where or how this happens because it seems to be different from woman to woman. I can say that the majority of women I know, in a very unscientific poll I conducted, say that they find the best combination of internal/external stimulation of the clitoris happens with slow, almost grinding rhythmic missionary-position sex. Yes, missionary position!

However, as much fun as anecdotal evidence is, the only way for a man to know exactly how to best stimulate either the external or internal clitoris is to experiment with his partner and be responsive to her sexual response.

For more on the internal clitoris, you absolutely must read this awesome and informative Museum of Sex blog where Melodiusmsm gives both scientific and practical female glans advice! Also, I’d love to refer you to my favorite classic sex expert sites, Dodson and Ross: Warning, this video is about clitoral sensitivity – it is graphic and very NSFW!

Reprinted with permission from The Good Men Project. Cross-Posted from She Said He Said.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always been a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the adice they offered was honest and direct--and completely different than the adive women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like he sees it, and usually sees it very well.

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3 Ways to Get Him to Please You Better in Bed

We love writing about using communication to encourage better sex (or our personal favorite, cunninlingus). Couples that communicate tend to succeed both in the bedroom and outside of it. Without proper communication, our partners would have zero clue on what we want.

Men absolutely love it when we communicate how they are making us feel and how great they are doing. In fact, they thrive off our response in the bedroom. During sex, some instruction, positive reinforcement and clear directions go a long way. Our favorite married husband, Tommy Allen, is here with 3 ways verbal and non-verbal communication can help inspire your man to sexually please you even better in the sack. Without adieu, Tommy Allen reports.

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The language of lovemaking does not need to be verbal. Most everything expressed during sex can be transmitted in moans and movements. The rate and intensity of your breathing speaks volumes. The gyrations from your hips provide a roadmap for him to follow. You just need to provide the signals upon which he can react.

Instruction during lovemaking requires a fine balance; too little and you leave him guessing. Too much and he is intimidated. Men need signs from their ladies confirming that what he's doing feels good to you. He wants to know he is providing the pleasure you expect and deserve. Here are three recommendations for better communication during sex.


#1 Use your hands

Nonverbal instructions can easily be conveyed using your hands. Simply put his hand where you want it to be. With your fingers on top of his create the movements that you like.

When he begins to do things the way you want, give him some positive reinforcement by squirming, moaning or pulling yourself into him. Press on his hand when it's good; ease his hand away when it's not.

#2 Positive reinforcement 

Let him know that he has taken your direction and is now using it for your pleasure. When he starts to go the wrong way, don't pull away. Please, no quick negative reaction. That can be a mood killer. Slowly change positions, rotate carefully in another direction or begin aggressive sex play on him. This stops the discomfort without bashing his ego. He wants to please. He wants direction. Just try to keep it positive.


#3 Say yes!

Guide him with the only word you ever need during good sex - YES. Whispering that single word when he has found the mark is the most positive sign you can give. Men love to hear YES.
The louder and more frequent we hear YES the harder (pun intended) we try. YES is our verbal aphrodisiac. Keep saying YES and we know we are giving you what you want.

There are two sides to this story. Men want, more than anything else, to please you during lovemaking. And selfishly they like a little attention along the way. Remember, both of you need to provide direction to each other. Sexual communication is the key to a fantastic sexual relationship. Provide the signals he needs to be your perfect lover AND encourage from him the guidance you need to reciprocate the same.



Tommy has been happily married for 34 years and together he and his wife have 3 grown sons. He is a student of life and love. He loves to learn by watching, listening and observing others. He use his blog to share his observations on life, love and relationships. Love is Tommy's favorite subject. He and his wife have lived and loved and loved and loved some more in Daytona Beach for more than 18 years. Check out his blog at www.bedroombootcamps.com

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Try This! Stand & Deliver

Sex in marriage can get boring. Missionary, missionary, oh, missionary again? We know you enjoy the sex positions. Therefore, we're going to be bringing back variations on sex positions.

Benefits for the giver

• Work to ensure your lovely partner is supported in this position, enjoy that position!
• From this position, you can see all the gorgeousness of your lovely partner's vulva and vagina. Go ahead, dish out the compliments. I guarantee it'll be a turn-on!
• While you're holding your partner's legs, feel free to bend back slightly for greater control
• Want to feel extra comfortable? Get a pillow for your knees (don't forget your partner, who'd probably appreciate a pillow, too)
• Change the variation of your thrusts; go harder and faster, then slow it down and thrust a little deeper (if you're over-sized, you want to check in frequently)

Benefits for the receiver

• See your lover from the world up; I think the blood rushing to your head will make things extra special (laugh)
• While you won't be able to last too long in this position, it'll be a lovely way to alternate between those traditional (maybe slightly boring you-on-bottom positions)
• For comfort, you could either grab your partner's legs like in the picture or arch your back and reach your arms behind your head for more leverage (though that'd change the position slightly) 
• Enjoying the moment and have hands free? Lick your fingers and rub your clit or nipples
• Want things to go a little harder (or softer)? Slap and grab your lover's lovely ass and note how much you're enjoying it and how you'd like it harder or softer

Adam Ant fans will be especially pleased with this position:

Thanks to Cosmopolitan for this picture and position recommendation.

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, social entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to end boring sex. If you don't see Erica riding around downtown Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with her adoring husband, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook and Google+. Want to connect about business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.

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