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6 Must-Try Kinds of Foreplay

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Sex in the shower is sort of like pizza in bed. A great idea that inevitably leads to disaster. Issues like space, how to position one's body, how to avoid broken appendages. It becomes too much to bear and the idea gets abandoned. But there has to be a way to have your pizza and eat it too and our researchers are working around the clock to find a way. In a series with long time friends and sex advisors Eli and Josie, they talk about how to maximize the pleasures of shower sex as well as instructions on what positions best fit what ever type of shower you may have.

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Dear Sexes: Is there a trick I’m missing with shower sex? I mean, it’s WAY hot, but it seems like my only options are (1) in a corner getting leg cramps, or (2) on my knees, which hurts like hell on my knee caps with the tough plastic that the shower is made of. Is this a “try it 'til you figure it out” thing, or a mythical movie type of sex?

She Said: Shower sex doesn’t always create the best scenario for optimum sexual pleasure. But you’re right that it’s hot: the water, the soap, the wet hair, the slippery skin—not to mention the naughty factor that goes along with sex anywhere other than a bed.

However, there are ways to maximize the shower-sex pleasure. One key tool for great shower sex is a set of extra-cushy washcloths. For doggie-style, fold each washcloth in half and put them under your knees. If someone’s sitting on the floor of the shower, a washcloth under the bum can help a lot, too. The washcloths are also crucial for the knees of whomever is the giver of oral sex in the shower. A fun way to have sex in the shower, if you have the room, is to lie down on your back and put your partner on top. Then she can arch her back into the spray of water and you both have easy clitoral access.

Sometimes shower sex is best left short and sweet by making it a quickie or by starting the interlude in the shower, to be continued elsewhere. Try to draw out the foreplay as long as possible (but keep in mind, we’re in a water drought!) by soaping each other up, sliding slippery fingers across each other’s bodies, using the hand-held shower head on each other’s favorite spots, and giving oral sex. Then, just as you’re feeling like you’re about to die if you don’t complete the act, wrap up in towels (don’t worry about drying all the way off, stay wet!) and move to the bed. You’ll be clawing at each other from all the lead-up and you can utilize all the best in-bed positions.

He Said: Agreed! Shower sex is hot! It’s always fun to clean up and get dirty at the same time. Of course, the amount of positions you can try out is somewhat dependent on the type of shower you have. If you have a small, stand-up shower (no bath), your space is probably limited. However, you can actually use the lack of space to your benefit. Position yourself or your mate against the shower walls for extra good pushing/friction. The tiny confines also make for a good opportunity to get a leg high up in the air (resting against a wall, while your hands, or your mate, keep you upright, steadying against an opposite wall).

If you have a full shower (with bath), you really have no excuse NOT to explore all possibilities. You’ve got the room, so you’re as free as your imagination allows. And if you have sensitive knee caps, don’t be afraid to squat it out. Also, don’t forget to use plenty of lube as need be. The water actually detracts from the body’s natural lubrication. And please, no falling! We don’t want any slips causing death by shower sex.

If you want a good laugh, read what people have to say about shower sex over on Yahoo! Aren’t you glad you asked us instead?

Reprinted with permission from from The Good Men Project. Cross post from She Said He Said.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always bee a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the advice they offered was honest and direct-and completely different than the advice women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like sees it, and usually sees it very well.

Several days ago, we saw a note on Facebook asking how many times a day partners usually touch. Personally, I touch my partner about 20 times probably. I love touching them! But does it matter? Why does touching matter in long-term relationships or marriage?

Tommy Allen is back with his views on the power of the physical touch in a relationship. And he's not just talking about sexual touch. Just physical touch! He has been happily married for over 30 years. With that much experience in the realm of marriage, he offers some great insight from the male perspective. In one of his latest articles, Tommy wrote about how to drive your man wild using your five senses. Here he takes one of those senses, touch and writes about its importance in a committed relationship. We already know about the importance of touching ourselves, so lets get into why we need to touch our lovers more!

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#1 Touch and get closer--literally

You'd be surprised at how many couples, some married many years, who hardly ever touch. Sure he'll grab her hand and lead her down a sidewalk or through a crowd, but not in a very romantic way.

I can always tell the general feelings of affection when I'm around other couples by how "hands-on" they are. Those that are together because it's too much trouble not to be, are obvious. They never sit too close. Rarely touching. They never look at each other and they never include their mate in their personal space.

You see, when you are so madly and foolishly into someone, you just can't keep your hands (and feet, but that's another story) off them. You want them sharing every inch of your space with you. I constantly want to feel the warmth of her body and if I take her hand, or she takes mine, it's not to lead the way but to feel the spark between our palms travel from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

#2 Hugs for happiness

A simple hug can speak volumes in a few seconds about your love and lust. When I put my arms around her, my fingers travel the length of her spine to reach the small of her back.

It creates shock waves between our spirits, even if only for a moment. I appreciate every sensation as her body presses against mine. Then as we back away, the consciousness of the shared sensations are stored as sensual energy for later.

#3 Get absorbed in each other!

Public displays of affection? There can never be too much affection, public or private. Yeah, there comes a time to "get a room," but I certainly don't mind seeing a couple so absorbed in each other that no one else matters. It's beautiful! GetLusty for Couples is all about finding these happy spaces for a couple.

Unless you're crossing their boundaries, don't listen to those nay-sayers. Those complainers are usually loveless, jealous, anti-romantic begrudging beings only wishing it were them being doted on, anyway.

Live, love and touch. Touch a lot. Be familiar with every inch. Know it well. Be able to feel her touch even in your dreams. Then make your dreams a reality.

Cross posted with permission from Sex Money And Life.

When Tommy Allen first got in touch with us, we were so excited to feature his articles. Tommy has been happily married for 34 years and together he and his wife has 3 grown sons. He is a student of life and love. He loves to learn by watching, listening and observing others.

He use his blog to share his observations on life, love and relationships. Love is Tommy's favorite subject. He and his wife have lived, loved, loved and loved some more in Daytona Beach for more than 18 years. Check out his blog at www.bedroombootcamps.com

We don't have to say it twice but sex is extremely important in relationships. That's why planning to have sex is always hot for you and your partner! Sex should be consistent and fun and not stressful whatsoever. But, what if you are having sex and it's just not as long as you would like? Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird, one of our personal favorite and inspirational couples, are here to discuss the importance of duration in sex and how you can make the pleasure last longer! So how important is duration in sex? Read on to find out!

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It’s no secret that good sex can lead to a happier marriage, and a recent study has pinpointed that good sex is where most couples want to see improvement. Condom company Durex® polled 1,000 adults, married and single, and asked them intimate questions about their level of satisfaction with their sex lives, and the primary complaint they saw was the lack of duration in their sexual encounters.

A whopping 50 percent of people said they aren't happy with the duration (or lack thereof) they are experiencing in their sex lives. The average amount of time people reported for their average sexual encounter was 10 minutes, leading 38 percent of respondents to say that their lovemaking is over too fast. About 20 percent said they like their sexual encounters to last for at least half an hour.

The study also found, however, that about 25 percent said they actually prefer the 10 minute “quickee” to longer sessions. The study did not indicate why, but the conventional wisdom we have derived from our practice with our patients over the years is that life has become vastly more complicated. Many couples have three or four jobs between them just to make ends meet. Between the obligations of work, children and family, sometimes even having 10 minutes for a little fun can be a luxury.

A few more interesting tid-bits revealed by the study include: nearly 50 percent of all adults do not regularly achieve orgasm at the same time. In fact, more than a third of those surveyed said that it hardly ever, or never, happens.

More than three-fourths of respondents said they’ve made love in an “adventurous locale.” Among the favorite places cited in the study: the backseat of a car (though we suspect the family van may become a true multi-purpose vehicle at times), by the swimming pool (we’re assuming they don’t mean the lap pool down at the YMCA) and on a secluded beach.

But some prefer to stay at home. When they get tired of the bedroom, they send the kids out to the movies and take advantage of the air-conditioned square-footage in their homes. The favorite spots? The shower (31%), the couch (23%) and the porch (22%).

Women were asked what their fantasy locale for sex would be, and the top two answers were the Eiffel Tower and Buckingham Palace- okay, we could fill an entire blog with wisecracks on that one, so we’re just going to leave that one alone — except to say it makes us wonder if any enterprising guests of the Queen’s recent Diamond Jubilee took advantage of their backstage passes.

At the end of the day, the study’s final word of advice was something we espouse daily to our clients. If couples want to derive more satisfaction out of their sex lives, they need to talk. Discuss your needs, your wants, your fantasies and your schedules so you can not only have great sex together, but also have the proper time to spend doing it, as well.

Yours in good stamina,
Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird

Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird and are Board Certified Clinical Sexologists and Relationship Counselors. They co-counsel couples together which offers a unique and balanced male/female perspective and a combined therapy/coaching approach to helping their clients with a variety of relationship and sexual issues/concerns. Due to our last name and work they do, they've become known as “The Love Birds”.

They have 16 + years of personal experience in a healthy, loving and successful relationship. We know how to solve problems and work through difficulties that couples may face on a daily basis. We know ways to keep relationships strong and healthy. We offer you tools and strategies that can make positive changes in your relationship. Find out more about Chuck. Alternatively, find out more about Jo-Ann. Also, follow them on Twitter and 'Like' them on Facebook.

An amazing sexual relationship is, of course, created with the five pillars of an amazing relationship. But if your bedroom is keeping your sex life from moving you to the next level, consider moving furniture around. At GetLusty, we care about the feng shui of your bedroom. Why? It represents you! Here are a few tips from sex therapy and relationship counselors Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird tell you about creating the right bedroom atmosphere for great sex!

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Creating a love nest is very important. But sadly, the boudoir is sometimes overlooked and severely neglected. When thinking about your bedroom, is it a place you can relax and unwind? Do you want to spend time in there? Is it romantic? Or is your bedroom a place you want to avoid? Is it cluttered or filled with work?

Think about it. “Where the attention goes, the energy flows.” Thus, if you want more energy in the bedroom, then you must put some attention into it! So let’s get started! Here are a few simple Dos and Don’ts to help you create your very own love nest.

Bedroom Don'ts:

Have computers, iPhones, televisions and other electronic work distractions in your bedroom. Studies show that couples with a television in their bedroom have half the amount of sex as couples who don’t. (However, you can have a television in the bedroom only if you use it to watch erotic videos!)

Work desks, office stuff, etc.
Exercise equipment
Baby clothes or other accessories
Clutter and dirt (just give a small clean daily)
Bright colors or loud/busy patterns on the walls
Overly bright lights (unless interrogation is your thing)
Uncomfortable and noisy bed (was that you going bump in the night?)
And of course, child-like décor. Meaning, no race car beds!!

Bedroom Do's:

Great bedrooms are sexy and radiate positivity.

Consider using all your senses (sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste)!
Use satin sheets or soft bed sheets with high thread counts (over 350) Fur blankets, shag rugs and soft area carpets help to dampen noises
Use candles (including massage candles – some are even edible) and potpourri
Romantic wall colors (neutral tones are calming and soothing, warm tones are sexy and cool tones can be spa-like, relaxing and calming)
Mirrors and romantic photos (black and white pictures, landscapes, etc.)
Soft/dim lighting
CD player or iPod with romantic music ready to be played
A chest or secret decorative box (to store all your fun and sexy toys and aids, of course!)
A small box or bowl of chocolates on the night stand
Unique bedroom furniture that is multi-purpose! (check out Liberator for that!)
And of course, a good comfortable and quiet bed!

We hope this helps you create your love nest and get some positive and sexy energy into your bedroom. Remember, even small changes can yield big results! So get started!

Cross-posted with permission from their blog.

We love writing about relationships. Long-term relationships need to work that much harder to stay strong, committed, and connected! That's why we believe in dating your spouse, finding creative ways to say "I love you" and the importance of touch in your relationship. Now, we've talked about keeping your sex life spicy! Here, she helps us reignite that spark we may lose as the colder months loom ahead! GetLusty's Bethany Kibblesmith reports.

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This time of year, when the days get shorter and the temperature starts dropping and everything starts to get frantic during the holiday season, your energy levels will drop. Your time will be stretched every which way. But that’s no excuse for boring sex!

Here’s five tantalizing tips for reigniting that spark:

#1 Touch

Many people are very tactile; touch and feel can be extremely stimulating. When it comes to intimacy, touch can be very important. When humans are aroused, blood rushes to your skin, making you flushed and heightening your physical responses to physical sensations. That means a pinch, caress, a slap on the butt, or a stroke of the hair, feels much more intense than it would normally be felt.

Concentrate on feeling. Close your eyes and direct your partner to touch you exactly how you want to be touched. Too shy to be that direct? Concentrate on the normal caresses that come with your standard foreplay and lovemaking. If you’re feeling especially frisky and adventurous, bring in some different soft things to stimulate each other with. Feathers, silk scarves or ties or even especially soft cotton sheets can totally change your sexual experience.

#2 Relax

This one might seem obvious, but hear me out. You’ve got to eliminate any distractions before you start getting intimate. Climax and sexual fulfillment aren’t like firecrackers; you can’t just light a fuse and kapow! Have you got noisy neighbors? Put on some music.

I don’t recommend whale songs or dubstep (unless dubstep is sexy to you and your partner, no judging). Turn off the TV, which shouldn’t be in the bedroom anyhow, close the laptop or power down the iPad, shut the book and empty your mind of all the sundry things in your life. If there’s something so crucial that you can’t stop thinking about it long enough to have attentive, respectful, relaxed and peaceful sex, maybe you shouldn’t have sex ‘til you take care of it. When you’re having sex, the only thing you should be thinking of is how awesome it feels. Whatever it is that takes you to that relaxed place, be it a few yoga poses, some tea, receiving or giving oral sex, do what it takes to make your mind a blank slate.

#3 Create a wish list

This one is probably the most fun. Think of this one as basically a sex-based wish list. Compile a little list of positions, locations, and maybe acts you’d like to incorporate more. Maybe in the beginning, your partner often played with your breasts, and hasn’t done so lately. Add it to your list! Playing around with a sexy list is an easy way to keep track of things you want to try, or things that would enhance sex for you.

The only suggestion I would have for this one is to think back to the times you can remember having really awesome sex, and figure out what about those times that made sex so enjoyable. Generally just let your mind go wild. Thigh highs, handcuffs or lickable foods, maybe watch some porn together. Map out your next sexual encounter, utilizing positions and props you’d like to try. If you have a sexual fantasy you feel safe sharing and exploring, this would be the perfect way to open up about it, and learn what your partner is longing for, too!

#4 Do some pretending

Halloween has come and past but that doesn't mean you can't role play. Already switched up locales and lights, so now I’m going to go one further. Switch up your approach to sex. Is it usually slow, gentle, and sensual? Well, then throw in some dirty talk, moan your heart out and grab a handful of his butt, tug on his hair, and nip at his nipples. If you’re inclined to be uninhibited in your sexcapades, then take it the other direction.

Play it demurely; undress shyly, like you’ve never done it in front of anyone before and look at your partner with fresh eyes, at all the parts you’ve memorized already. Explore slowly the bodies we all tend to take for granted after a certain amount of time. If your normal sex is scheduled, in a bed, at a certain time, surprise each other with rougher than usual sex in an unexpected place, at an unexpected time. If that’s more your usual, take a steamy shower or bath together, and engage in a slow, mutual seduction, ending in bed. Be true to your preferences and never do anything you are uncomfortable with, but don’t be afraid to play pretend.

#5 Talk

Finally, the most important thing I can suggest is the simplest of all: talk to your partner! If sex is lackluster to you, chances are your partner has noticed, too.

Talk to your partner about what you’re feeling. So start talking about what’s going on between you two, in your lives, and in your bedrooms. More importantly, start talking about your needs, which if you’re reading this are obviously not being met.

Is there something you used to do in the beginning of your relationship that has fallen off the wayside lately? Is sex too slow, too quick, too infrequent, or too mechanical?

Figure out what it is that is bothering you in particular. If you simply say you’re unsatisfied, there’s very little for your partner to go on, in terms of improving your shared sex life. Before you go into this conversation, determine what you want and what you need sexually, and how you want your physical future together to be.

We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as a GetLusty staff writer. She's a sex geek and loving partner, actively involved in igniting her own sexual spark. Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her loving boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at editorial@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

Infidelity is highly destructive. Trust is very difficult to gain back once you loose it. Whether you want to pretend to be the other woman or discuss polyamory as an alternative to cheating, Drs. Chuck and Jo feel strongly feel that communication is the way to save your marriage. Going behind someone's back and cheating is never the true answer. Websites like Ashley Madison, try to tell us that they aid couples who have problems. We strongly disagree. Here are three reasons why cheating is not an option.

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Love isn’t dead, but every so often we read something that makes us think it might be comatose.

As the Internet dating world has exploded, with more than 40 million Americans having profiles on at least one of the key dating personal Websites, there is another kind of dating site that has popped up that just makes our blood boil.

Now, there are Websites that cater to married people who are seeking to have affairs with others. These sites guarantee anonymity and discretion and they create a feeding ground for people who have no problem with infidelity. What’s worse is that the founder of the most popular site — the Ashley Madison site with 13 million members around the world — is trying to defend the practice of having extramarital affairs as an aid to couples who are having marital problems.

To those of us who make a profession out of helping people solve their relationship issues, it’s like Charlie Sheen telling kids that drugs are good for you. So, if you have a moment, please allow us to dispel some of these inane arguments before they begin to take root and make some people believe that having an affair is just the shot in the arm their marriage needs.

#1 Cheating is not consensual

Noel Biderman, the former lawyer and sports agent who founded Ashley Madison, has been making the interview rounds to promote his site. In one interview, he stated that non-monogamy has always been a part of traditional marriage, dating back to polygamists from the African tribes to the early Mormons. This is a false comparison, because that style of non-monogamy was consensual. Women who married men with multiple wives in those cultures knew they were marrying a man with multiple wives. They had full disclosure. An affair is an act of deception, which involves a married partner in a non-consensual act. They did not have a choice in their partner having another romantic partner — it happened without their knowledge of permission. So, that argument is a crock of ca-ca.

#2 It won't help keep your marriage or family together

In another interview, he tried to indicate that infidelity is good for marriage, because it’s all about sex. His contention is that someone who wants to have an affair because he or she is dissatisfied with their sex life would be selfish to forego the affair and just get a divorce. His idea is that marriages are often also about raising children and life partnerships, and sex is just one dimension. So, why get a divorce over the sex issue alone? Just have an affair and keep the family together.

There are so many things wrong with that argument, we barely know where to begin. First of all, an affair creates a breach of trust, which many families never survive. And if you don’t think an affair will never be revealed, ask Tiger Woods or Arnold Schwarzenegger how that concept worked out for them. Further, if the sex life is unfulfilling, that creates tension that children will see, making them unhappy, too. Moreover, there is another option other than having an affair or getting a divorce. It’s called working with your partner on increasing the quality of your marital sex life. I understand there are even counselors out there who can help them with that. We know a couple who seem pretty good at that, too.

#3 Cheating is not a wake-up call

The last argument he makes on the benefits of affairs is that they are actually good for a marriage because they can bring couples together. His viewpoint is that the affair acts like a wakeup call for a couple in crisis, and gives them the ability to come together to fix what’s wrong with their marriage.

What’s wrong with that marriage is that the trust has been broken, and repairing that trust now becomes the focal point of the work they have to do, not their sex life. In fact, many marital sex lives have a hard time recovering from an affair because the image of infidelity is very difficult for partners to overcome. It’s not that it can’t be done, but a couple that chooses instead to work honestly on fixing their sex life has far less work to do than a couple who must work on trust issues before sex can ever even happen again.

Our advice to married men and women who are contemplating an affair is to stop, take a breath, and examine what it would take to fix what’s wrong with your marriage first. If you can make it work, you should. If you try hard, but just can’t make it work, you should separate. But don’t sacrifice your integrity for a fling that will ultimately change your life for the worse.

Cunnilingus: it's the breakfast of champions. It changes your sexual experiences from dull to fun in under 30 minutes. And if you're doing it right, it'll lead to the deepest, loveliest orgasms. Without ado, Rachel Colias reports on how to make your magical cunnilingus sessions even more mind-blowingly good! Have you seen our cunnilingus 201 article yet to add g-spot stimulation to cunnilingus?

Disclaimer: This isn't just about orgasms. Orgasms aren't the be-all and end-all of fabulous sexual experiences. Some people find it difficult to have orgasms, and there are those who can't at all. You might be dealing with other emotional barriers. (Try mental orgasms, though.) Our recommendation for those couples is to not blame themselves. Not orgasming is totally fine, too. If you have a rough patch, do consider visiting a therapist (our top therapist recommendations). However, if you're in a good emotional state and your partner usually orgasms, these tips will definitely work.

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You’ve seen our tips on what not to do during a blowjob and even more things not to do mid-blowjob. But how do you please those lovely female-bodied people? We here at GetLusty for Couples are huge fans of vagina's, vulvas, labias, the clitoris and beyond. Whether you’ve been kissing coochies for years or are excitedly awaiting your first opportunity, here are a few helpful tips on what quite a lot of vaginas love!

Get accustomed to the anatomy

First off, you should be familiar with the vagina. You need the floorplans, so to speak. I mean, how do you know how to work anything without the manual? So let’s review. The most basic thing to remember is that people grow hair down there; some choose to remove it, some don’t. Either way, do not go into the act expecting one thing, and then acting disappointed when you get another. Any sort of negative feelings or attitudes doesn’t exactly put someone in the mood. Plus, it’s just downright rude. Work with what you have!

What you can see externally of the vagina is called the vulva. It consists of the labia majora, labia minora, the clitoral hood, the clitoris (soon-to-be star of the article), the urethra, vaginal opening, perineum, and the anus. The picture to the right should help with any confusion concerning where these different parts are located.

Now that we understand where everything is, let’s get down to business! A helpful hint before we start, though: the clitoris is a bundle of amazingly sensitive glans and contains around 8,000 sensory nerve fibers. Need a little perspective? That’s nearly twice as many as the tip of a penis contains. You’re going to want to pay attention to this.

After a bit of research, and even more personal experience, I’ve compiled a list of tips on how to show a vagina a great time. Remember, not every tip listed is universal. Always ask your partner if they’d like something before doing it and stop when asked. Without ado, our top 10 tips:

#1 Learn about their sensitivity

Be aware of sensitivity. Every clitoris is different (size, shape, color, etc), which means not every person is going to enjoy the same amount of pressure placed on their clitoris by your tongue. So my first tip would be to listen to your partner so you can better understand how to pleasure them. Too much pressure on a sensitive clitoris hurts!

#2 Be patient

It may take a few minutes, or more, to figure out exactly where and how a person is going to like having your tongue. But don’t give up! Nothing kills a mood better than a quitter.

#3 Use your hands

Don’t be afraid to use the hands. Just because you’re working some tongue magic doesn’t mean your fingers can’t help out. While it is more common for a person to orgasm from clitoral stimulation, coupling the waves of pleasure with some penetration or external massaging can really feel great!

#4 How's things going up there?

Pay attention to their body signals. If they start breathing faster or gripping something harder, you’re probably doing something right. If they’re screaming “Don’t stop!” you’re definitely doing something right. Now that you have found that perfect spot, don’t change a thing! A moan does not mean “Quick! Do something different and crazy with your tongue!” It means “Stay. Right. There.”

#5 Gently suck and nibble

Gentle sucking or nibbling of the clitoris or labia can feel great! Start as gently as possible at first, gradually increasing the strength. Starting off too hard when your partner hasn't been revved up can be a little surprising.

#6 Remember the vulva

Foreplay the vulva. This is all about foreplay, so don't rush. Not everyone likes an immediate focus on the clitoris. To get the juices really flowing, try focusing your tongue and mouth on the thighs, labia, vaginal opening. You can even gently massage their vulva while kissing around the entire area (or their entire body).

#7 Intensify the orgasm

If you get really good at reading a person’s body signals, try stopping right before the person is about to come and then starting back up again when the orgasm recedes. Building it up over and over again makes for a much more intense orgasm, and who doesn’t like a tease?

#8 Tell her she's sexy

Making sure the person knows you just love how they taste or smell is always super sexy and a great confidence boost! That kind of confidence can also really relax a person and allow them to get into it without thinking about anything other than the pleasure.

#9 Let her guide you

Let the person you’re pleasuring guide you. Ask them, "Should I go faster or slower? Am I in the right place?" Tell them you'd love some guidance on how to best bring them pleasure. They've had the vagina longer than you’ve had your face down there, so trust them to know what's pleasurable.

#10 Continue to lick after she's cum

If their clitoris isn’t too sensitive, keep licking after they’ve come. You never know how many orgasms they can have until you try! They might still be squirming, so ensure you're not going too hard. Even after a few seconds, it still feels amazing and may prolong the intensity of the orgasm.

Bonus:

Try different positions! Your partner could sit on your face, lick them while they're standing, or 69 (or 69 more pleasurably). Try cunnilingus from various positions and ask throughout what they enjoyed about those positions. If in doubt, always ask! Communication is sexy and highly erotic (your brain is your biggest sex organ). They may not orgasm from these positions, but it will sure be fun!

Is there something you or your partner especially likes that you just need to tell everyone? Spill your cunnilingus secrets in the comment section below!

This article was written by Rachel Colias. She’s currently getting her bachelors in English and Women’s and Gender studies and feels especially passionate about advocating for the importance of consent and communication.

Her hobbies include shopping for new vibrators playing roller derby, and getting tattoos her mom doesn’t approve of. When she’s not writing for GetLusty or doing homework, she’s playing with her bearded dragon Terrance and you can generally find her reading comic books with her loving boyfriend of six years or eating pizza and watching Netflix. You can find and follow her Tumblr blog here! Also e-mail her at editorial@getlusty.com.

We're all about sex positivity and sex education. So what better place to learn about sex than YouTube? You'd think the opposite, and that could be true. However, YouTube provides a lot of great material from a variety of different sources. For topics relating to sex and relationships, videos are indispensable. Here are some of our favorite YouTube channels. GetLusty's Andrew Ewald reports.

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#1 ReidAboutSex

According to Reid's site, "If Dr. Ruth and Jon Stewart had a son, that son would be Reid Mihalko." A sex and relationship expert who uses humor, insight, and solid facts to teach adults how to live better lives. For Reid, sex and intimacy do not have to be scary. They are experiences that can increase confidence, health, and humor.

An intuitive and educated speaker, he has also been the writer and producer on a number of films and television programs on relationships. He believes that everyone has the power to turn a mediocre relationship into something fun and healthy.

#2 Dan Savage

Simply put, GetLusty for Couples ♥'s Dan Savage!

Dan Savage is a writer and activist most known for his sex advice column "Savage Love" and as the co-founder of the It Gets Better Project. He is also the editor of Seattle's weekly alternative newspaper, The Stranger, and an executive producer on the It Gets Better special for MTV. Dan is starring in the upcoming MTV series Savage U. Also follow this sex education rock star on Twitter @fakedansavage.

#3 Love, Learn and Get Laid by Laci Green

Created by University of California, Berkeley graduate Laci Green, the show tackles large sexual issues in a nonchalant, unpretentious way. Don't be fooled by her laid-back approach: She is an extremely passionate activist and social-worker.

The 27 year-old San Franciscan, "blog-blogger, social scientist, asparagus lover & artichoke dipper," is all over the internet with her Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter @gogreen18, and lacigreen.tv. She is also a huge supporter of sex education and Planned Parenthood.

#4 Kicesie's Sex Ed

According to her YouTube page, "I am a peer, not a professional! I don't have professional knowledge on any subject yet...I spent hundreds of hours researching and putting together information. I encourage everyone to do their own research as well!" Kicesie Drew's straightforward videos showcase her findings on advanced sex education.

#5 Sex with Emily

This is an extremely comprehensive channel that deals with all aspects of relationships, no matter how taboo or mundane they may seem. Created by sex and relationship expert Emily Morse. She is a prolific author, instructor, talk show host, podcaster, and recurring reality television personality on Bravo's Miss Advised.

She is also a well-respected news source and has been featured in The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, and San Francisco Chronicle. She holds two bachelors degrees from the University of Michigan in psychology and political science.

#6 Ask Dan & Jennifer

Sometimes a simple question and answer format is the best way to get sex advice. Dan & Jennifer Baritchi address many common and not-so-common concerns that viewers have. (Check out the podcast interview here at GetLusty for even more information.)

The most important, as well as useful, thing about this channel is how they address every aspect of a relationship. From flirtation to anal-sex, they have every base covered. They also test out a lot of products and let us know what works and what doesn't.

#7 New World Sex Education by Jaiya

According to her site, "Jaiya is an internationally recognized, award-winning sexologist, author of Red Hot Touch, and the founder of New World Sex Education; a company dedicated to using 'real' sex education to help men and women get the sex lives they desire."

Her passion for helping people is undeniable and she is extremely open about her own experiences, both positive and negative. Jaiya puts great emphasis on the idea that sex is not simply an act that people do, but an expression of being alive.

Andrew Ewald is a GetLusty writer who spends most of his time reading, writing, cooking, and watching RuPaul's Drag Race with his girlfriend. He graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor's in in English. He might act like a square, but nothing is taboo with this character. Connect with him! E-mail him at editorial@getlusty.com.

As we're branching out to represent more couples, we also want to let couples know how we can help each other. For instance, who wouldn't love to learn cunnilingus technique from a lesbian? Gents and ladies alike--this is a valuable skill. One that needs to be honed! These are lesbian sex secrets brought to you by GetLusty's lesbian writer, Milan Weasley.

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Lesbian sex is intense. Whether this is your first try, you're a pro, or you're part of a straight couple wanting to change things up, these are tips to heat up any bedroom.

#1 Get comfortable!

On average, it takes a woman 15-40 minutes to reach orgasm. So whether you're partaking in cunnilingus or intercourse, be prepared to invest some time. I find that once I only realize I'm in an uncomfortable spot right before my partner is about to orgasm. Then, I'm left to fight the pain until she's climaxed. Combat this by avoiding it. Pillows are your friend!

#2 Become a sexplorer

Women, individually, are unique. No two bodies are exactly the same. Touch her all over. Then, touch her all over again. What may turn you on, may not turn her on. And even if you've been with your partner for years, that doesn't mean there's no more exploring. There's always more to explore. A place you can't stand to be touched, may send her over the edge. This doesn't only apply to foreplay. During intercourse or cunnilingus, pay attention to her responses and sounds. These tell you what to keep doing and what to stop or change. In addition, don't forget to constantly communicate during sex!

#3 Stop n' go

Cunnilingus is a great. It focuses attention around one of the areas need for climax: the clit. But don't go straight for it. Tease her, caress her, use your tongue. Tease her by using your fingertips to trace lines up and down her inner thighs. Kiss from her inner thighs to her lips. Graze your lips along her labia. It's all about the build up and the tease. Bring her to the brink of climax, then stop. And do it again. You'll leave her begging for more.

#4 It's all about multiplicity

Men can have multiple orgasms. Indeed, women can have multiple orgasms, too! The great thing about female orgasm is that we're not done after one. The even better thing about lesbian sex is, because of that, it can last for hours. It may take some dedication to achieve the first orgasm, but each after will be easier to reach. After she orgasms, don't stop! Kiss her lightly to slowly build back up to another orgasm. Just be gentle. After an orgasm some areas, especially the clit, are very sensitive. Just gently kiss and caress, until she seems ready for another climax. And she'll be able to reach another.

#5 Spice it up with sex toys

Toys aren't just for kids. Sex toys can be a welcome addition for your bedroom! They can take her from the edge of climax to over the edge! They can enhance moves and spice up even the most simple of positions. Whether it's a vibrator during cunnilingus or intercourse, or a strap-on to change things up. One of my favorite toys is the Wartenberg pinwheel. The cold metal being traced over sensitive skin gives an erotic feeling like no other.

We're all about spicing things up here at GetLusty! Do you have other recommendations? We'd love to hear about them below in the comment section. Alternatively, send Milan feedback directly at the e-mail address in her bio (milan@getlusty.com).

Speaking of having better sex, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker'. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty.

This is a guest post by GetLusty staff writer Milan Weasley. She's pretty amazing. We're so excited to have Milan as one of our first lesbian writers. (Ah! Dykes and dildos!) She spends her days procrastinating grad school and her nights procrastinating everything else. She enjoys writing, gogo dancing, sewing, pole dancing, and defending the Oxford comma.

Questions, comments or article ideas? Get in touch with Milan at milan@getlusty.com.

There are several issues as important as stamina. We've already proved duration does matter. But what happens when your sex life is stuck? What happens when you become the one always initiating sex? Are your partner's needs being met but not yours? Obviously, you must look below the surface here and really get at the core of what is going on with your partner and you. Our resident LA Sex Therapist, Moushumi Ghose, is here with three ways that will get your guy lasting longer and help you both reconnect and work towards a stronger, healthier and overall amazing sexual relationship.

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Dear GetLusty,

My partner not only has very little interest in sex but when he does get it up (always with me initiating it), he looks after his own needs which takes 30 seconds. So I normally have to wait 30 days for 30 seconds. I’m so frustrated. I can't leave him because we have two daughters together and I've loved him for about 20 years. But, I have no more patience left.

Signed,
Cheeky Mary

Dear Cheeky Mary,

I am so sorry to hear about your frustrations with your partner, but I also hear that you love him very much. Before you leave him, have you tried having a sex heart–to–heart with him? The sex heart-to-heart is something I strongly recommend for all couples, old and new, sexing and non-sexing, to better understand what makes each other tick. I can’t imagine he’s very happy with what is going on either.

Before we talk about the sex heart-to-heart though, you mentioned you two have been together for 20 years. I might suggest that he see a doctor to rule out any organic issues. Are there any illnesses at play here? Is he on medications that could prevent him from feeling sexual or having longer erections? Age, medications and illness are definite issues. With age, many men see a decreased level from earlier days of arousal. This doesn’t mean they cannot have fun, or be sexual, but it does often create a mental conundrum, which can be difficult to accept, let alone address. Men as they age may feel confused, or alienated by their sex drives, and some blame themselves for their lack of virility, and as a result try to avoid any such interactions. The key for men is to recognize their body changes as they get older and their mind needs to catch up. Men need to nurture their sexuality instead of trying to hide it.

For couples who have been together a long time, it seems like you should know everything about your partner and that there should be very little to talk about, right? Wrong. The truth of the matter is, as you grow older, your bodies change, and your emotions and feelings shift, and it is important to recognize this is part of growth. Couples often feel bad about their growth, often fear what it could mean to their sacred union. Change can be really scary for many couples. But, since growth never stops, open, and honest communication should actually be happening more and more as couples mature. Bringing up your concerns in a gentle, non- judgmental way can help change this pattern, to get the conversations started, not just about sex, but everything else. My theory is that if you’re not talking about sex, there is probably a whole slew of other things that are getting pushed under the rug. This in effect thwarts our growth and the growth of the relationship as well.

#1 Explain your needs

Letting him know what your needs are is the first thing. Be kind. Remember to let him know how much you are attracted to him, and that sex is a way for you to feel more connected to him- which is something you want. Your vulnerability and honesty are key here as they going to be the role model for this interaction.

#2 Ask him what he needs sexually

Ask him what he would like sexually. Is there something that he needs to get aroused or turned on that you can help him with? Ask him if there are any issues he might want to talk about around sex that maybe you haven’t addressed? Let him know you want his needs to get met too.

#3 Plan a time to talk

Let him know he doesn’t have to answer right away, and that you are open to discuss all his concerns. Then, set a date and time to have a follow up conversation. Let him know how important this is to you for you two to be connected as you grow older together. And then do a follow up as you said you would.

Please note that change is sometimes slow. He may be reluctant at first to open up. But if you are consistent about following up and following through, and if you are honest, gentle and sincere it will help him see how important this is to you and the relationship and will eventually get the conversation flowing. It might seem awkward at the beginning, so be patient.

After you get the conversation going, you two can begin to address and explore ways in which to make your sex life more exciting and satisfying for both of you. Once you start having more open, honest conversations, this should get easier too.

Hope this helps!
Moushumi

This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose. Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @motor_amour, Facebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.

Don't forget to comment below! Have a question about fantasies or our Shades of Grey content month? Send them over to reply@getlusty.com and we'll get them answered!

There is often a great deal of confusion surrounding BDSM. People have desires and fantasies they want to act out, but feel guilty or uncomfortable with the idea. It can turn into a difficult situation to approach with your partner. With BDSM, the distinctions between excitement and discomfort often become blurred. Without guidance, confusion and miscommunication can lead to frustration. Luckily, Good Men Project is here to advice! Sex advice gurus Eli and Josie received a reader question along the same lines. They answered with help from Noah Brand on how this man should address his conflicted feelings towards fulfilling his girlfriend's S&M fantasies.

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Dear Sexes: My girlfriend just recently told me that she’s into S&M and she knows that I had a master/slave relationship in the past. What she doesn’t know is that it’s not sexual to me. It pulls up a very ugly and repressed emotion/mentality. I want to do whatever I can to fulfill her fantasies, but I’m pretty uncomfortable with mentally accessing that part of me far enough for ME to enjoy it. Is this a common feeling? How safe is it for me to try this out? And when can I call it quits, having done my duty?

She Said: First and foremost, the way you just phrased that to us is probably the perfect way to explain your feelings to your girlfriend. There’s a chance that she may just want to explore the S&M side of herself, and isn’t even sure if it’s going to be something she needs, in which case you’d be off the hook.

There’s also the chance that she thinks that somewhere deep inside, because of your former relationship, that you need some element of BDSM to be fulfilled. To me, this is a case of you two just needing to have an open-hearted conversation.

However, we wanted to reach out to our friend, Noah Brand from The Good Men Project and No Seriously What About The Menz, who knows more about less-mainstream sexuality than we do, in order to get you a more knowledgeable response. Hopefully between the three of us, we can help!

He Said: I know this question is about S&M, but forget about that aspect for a moment. Your girlfriend wants to try something romantically/sexually that you’ve tried in the past, aren’t particularly into now, and sort of object to personally. There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, and you should not force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Additionally, your girlfriend would (most likely) not want you do anything that compromised your values, or even personal tastes.

On the other hand, you’re in a relationship, so compromise (often) and communication (always) are required. Sit down with your girlfriend and discuss your fears, goals, and ideas about this scenario. Make sure you get your thoughts out, and do your best to listen carefully. The two of you may have more common ground than you think. And the more open you are with each other, the better chance you give each other to succeed.

Now, a few words from our guest expert. Noah - take it away.

Noah Said: It’s hard to give specific advice without knowing specific details, but if I understand you correctly, you’re saying that you’re worried about being an abusive top. (You are the top in these scenarios?) Rather than just being a fun kinky thrill for you, you’re worried that this kind of power play taps into a darker and more dangerous part of your psyche. If that’s not actually your problem, please write in again and explain more and we’ll tackle the question again.

To answer your question - that’s not all that uncommon. Most conscious and responsible tops feel some level of tension between the enjoyment of power and the fear of abusing it. Sounds like in your case that tension’s a bit higher than most, but that’s not necessarily an insurmountable problem. The solution is the solution to literally almost all kink problems: communication, limits, and boundaries.

First and foremost, talk openly with your girlfriend about her specific fantasies and your own feelings. Do the things she wants even overlap with the things you fear doing? Did you just start to answer that question without asking her first? You say she doesn’t know about your repressed emotions? I say she probably should. Talk about these things very specifically and very honestly, with minimal “Oh, you know what I mean” or “I guess just anything” or phrases like that. The kink worksheet created by the great Cliff Pervocracy is a good starting point.

From there, you need to set clear limits and boundaries, and you must be clear that you are BOTH allowed to set those. You have every much a right to say “I’m not comfortable doing that to you” as she does to say “I’m not comfortable having that done to me.” It will help if you can do some trust exercises: the trust needs to go both ways. You need to know that she can use a safeword if she has to, that she can look out for her own safety and well-being, and she needs to know that you will respect her safeword - that you won’t go too far.

What I’m saying is that you may be wrong about not being able to explore this side of yourself safely, and you may also be wrong about not being able to enjoy power dynamics on a sexual level. With communication and boundaries, you can potentially construct a space for yourself and your girlfriend where you can both have a good time, and even if it doesn’t work, you’ll both be able to understand why, and learn from the experience without getting hurt.

Unless, of course, the nature of your problem is that you’re thinking “Communication? Boundaries? Safewords? I don’t want to do those things!” In which case you were right the first time, you’re a shitty top and should not play with anyone.

Cross posted with permission from She Said He Said. Reprinted from The Good Men Project.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always been a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the advice they offered was honest and direct--and completely different than the advice women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like he sees it, and usually sees it very well. 'Like' them on Facebook.

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