Latest Movie :
Recent Movies
Showing posts with label Dr. Dick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. Dick. Show all posts

Problem Ejaculating? Dr. Dick Answers!

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS also known as Dr. Dick. GetLusty loves Dr. Dick! He has been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years. Today, he is here to answer a reader's question about why a man may not be ejaculating during sex, but can ejaculate while masturbating alone.

* * *

Dear Dr. Dick,

We are a happy but frustrated couple looking for advice. I’m a 25 year old male, and my lovely girlfriend is 20.

"I have no problem bringing her to orgasm and pleasing her, but since we’ve been seeing each other I have not been able to cum once. In the past it was always difficult for me to cum during sex. My first time (age 18) my then girlfriend and I went for about three hours before we just gave up. Usually I would have to jerk myself off afterwards, but now I can’t even do that. However if I am alone with porn I am easily able to masturbate and can get off a few times a day. How is it that I can jerk off to pictures that mean nothing to me, but can’t cum for the woman I love the most?

I’ve spoken with a doctor and he said medically there is nothing wrong with my penis. What do you suggest we do? We are really getting frustrated and just want to be able to please each other.

Sincerely,
Dan & Rebecca

* * *

Dear Dan & Rebecca,

Simply put, there’s a difference between the psycho-sexual response we have when we are alone and the one we experience with a partner. Your doctor is right, there’s probably nothing wrong with your unit. It’s all in your head, or your mind, to be more exact. And I’m not being flippant. If I had to guess, I’d say you have a real bad case of performance anxiety. Here’s how this nasty thing works.

Say I have a less than satisfying sexual experience for one reason or another. Before I know it, I’m replaying the incident over and over in my mind’s eye until that’s all I can think about. The proverbial molehill has become a mountain. I then bring my anxiety to my next encounter.

My hyper self-consciousness primes me for more disappointment. And I’m all prepared to interpret the disappointment as a failure.

Well, you can see where I’m going with this, huh? My fears become self-fulfilling and I find I’m beginning to avoid partnered sex and my relationship flounders, I develop a full-blown sexual dysfunction and my self-esteem takes a nosedive.

My preoccupation with my problem makes it less likely that I’ll be fully present during sex with my partner, which pretty much scuttles my sexual responsiveness and any hope for spontaneity. It looks to me like performance anxiety is putting a damper on your sexual arousal and short-circuiting your sexual response cycle. Get yourself to a sex-positive therapist ASAP! Believe me, this is nothing to fool around with, especially for someone at your tender age.

When I see this sort of thing in my private practice, I always begin the therapeutic intervention by calling a moratorium on fucking of any kind. This immediately takes a great deal of the pressure off the couple. From there we begin to rebuild the partnered psycho-sexual response one step at a time. We begin with sensate focus training, stress reduction and relaxation exercises. I have the greatest confidence in this method; it succeeds over 90% of the time.

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.

Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

Strip Tease 101: How To Strip For Your Lover


It's this simple: we all love strippers. Okay, maybe not strippers themselves, but we definitely love being teased and seduced. Let us share some helpful tips on how to become your partner's fantasy. In this informative and fun article, our favorite doctor, Richard Wagner PhD (better known as Dr. Dick) offers his advice on how to best prepare, preform, and finish a strip tease for your partner, whether they be male or female.

* * *

The Art of the Strip

Most people miss out on the pleasure of undressing with and for their partners. Stripping out of, or being stripped out of, our daily wear and into something sexy, or nothing at all, is one of life’s big turn ons. It’s also a visual signal that we’re shifting out of our work-a-day world and entering the realm of sensuality. Stripping is an art form, ya know. In fact, we could all learn a lesson or two from the folks who do this for a living.

Few of us are natural born exhibitionists. The majority of us don’t know how to slink out of our clothes without looking ridiculous. It's like they say in the business: real strippers are born, not made. OK, so most of us aren’t naturals, including myself. But that doesn’t mean we can’t pick up a few of the finer points from this ancient art form and apply them to our own situation.

Be the fantasy

First and foremost, we’re gonna have to leave as many of our inhibitions and body issues as possible at the door. If you’re so self-critical as to think you’ll be absurd if you try, you might as well drop the whole thing right there. But if you’re into having some fun (even if it’s at your own expense), then step right up, cuz we’re gonna to make you a star!

If you plan on stripping for someone you know well, like your partner, you probably already know a lot about what turns him or her on. Ya know, those little sexual peccadilloes we all have — fishnet stockings, a g-string and high heels, a white jock, leather chaps, armbands, a cowboy hat, a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt, anklets and Mary Janes, things like that. These things well be the building blocks of your outfit. Remember, you will be stripping down to something before there is nothing left to remove, so consider your theme and then layer from there. Each successive layer removed should reveal an even more tantalizing layer underneath.
  • Don’t wear something that’s gonna be a bitch to take off.
  • Have enough layers to keep the show interesting.
  • Remember the majority of the show is attitude so have confidence and feel sexy while you strip
Set the mood

Consider the venue for your show. Since there’s gonna be a whole lot of dancing around, you’ll want the space to be big enough so you don’t have to cramp your style. For those of you who don't feel they are a great dancer, remember that you are there to seduce and tease your partner; just feel sexy and move as if you are making love to them. While you want to put on a show, you’ll want the environment to be warm and intimate. Set the mood with the proper lighting. It is also important to have good, sexy music to set the stage.

Arrange your space so that your audience is seated in the middle of your performance area and make sure you can slink and shimmy around him/her. For those of you who are a little bolder and want some theatrical flair, consider a little homemade stage with curtains that you can use as part of your performance. Remember, this is about you and your audience.  If you have never stripped before it doesn't need to be complicated.  Think about the scene where Jamie Lee Curtis does an awkward strip to a stranger to save her husband in True Lies.  She even fell down, but got back up again and continued as she gained confidence.

Keeping it Simple or Making a Sexy Production?

When strippers in clubs perform a private dance they may not have all the props and gadgets a full choreographed production would have.  It is just a sexy lap dance with tease and denial, oozing sexuality and promise of taking the girl/guy home for more.  However, if you want to move into a more Burlesque style strip, some good ideas are to have simple props.

A chair or stool al la Cabaret perhaps and you’ll want something to taunt your audience with; a seductive hat, a feather boa, a ridding crop, gloves — opera length or leather. There are even collapsible dancer poles available online for a touch of the authentic.  Remember, you are the star; keep it simple and sexy.

Mood lighting and music are really important elements to a successful show. A miscalculation here may fuck up your whole routine. Do you want full bright light, or the candlelight glow of a dive nightclub?  Your music should be sexy, something you like that  has a great, hot rhythm or grind.  Go the distance and compile a few different tempos on a tape, CD or MP3 player to really impress your audience. Arrange your music so that it will automatically flow from one tempo or song to the next.

Try not to interrupt your show to change the tape or CD, although if something skips you can play it off and be cute to distract. Add an air of authenticity and have your audience adhere to strict strip club rules: your audience must remain seated throughout, keep your communication non-verbal, your audience is not allowed to touch you, and (depending on your tastes) you are prohibited from directly touching your audience. These rules will enhance the tease effect. If you want to heighten the effect, consider restraining your audience with a little erotic bondage. A silk handkerchief, or a satin scarf works to secure his/her hands and feet. Or you could always pull out all the plugs and get yourself some swell bondage gear online. I’m thinkin’ some leather restraints and cuffs will do the trick if you are aware of how to use them and it won't interfere in your pleasure of the sexy dance routine.

Show the Goods

Remember, you control the show and the audience. When you’re ready to begin the show, start your music and seductively move or dance towards your audience. Let him/her have a good look at you and you’re outfit — front and back. Approach your audience then gyrate or dance in front of him/her. Be sure to include some deep bending front and back. Let your audience get a load of the goods! Get as close to your audience as possible without actually touching. Close enough for him/her to smell you, or for you to swipe him/her with something you’re wearing. This is where a nice boa or leather flogger will come in handy.

Continue to tease and taunt, and keep moving. Squat or use one of your props to lean against or partially sit and seductively open your legs or show your ass. Keep you hands busy on your body, stroking yourself, reaching into your outfit to fondle yourself. Feel free to touch your audience, but never with your hands, only with your props.  Completely dominate your audience through visuals and work with the music.

Lure Them In

Please through tease. After this initial dance, move away from your audience and start the main show; the strip. When you shuck each article of clothing, don’t just remove it; tease with it. Toss each discarded article to you audience, or drag it over him/her. Being unable to touch you will enhance his/her sense of smell. Use this to your advantage. Wipe your clothing on your body before tossing it to your audience. The more intimate articles: bra, stockings, underwear, jock or what have you could be wrapped around his/her head and face. Strip slowly and erotically; reveal only an inch or two of skin at a time. If you are about to reveal something on your front, turn your back on your audience first.

If you’re gonna reveal your ass, start by facing your audience and then seductively turn around. Build on the anticipation. Make your audience want more. Stay in rhythm with your music. Then, once you’re completely naked, approach your audience and present yourself in all your glory. You should be deliciously sweaty and aroused by now. Using one of your props, a dildo perhaps, wipe your breasts, your crotch and bring it close to your audience’s face.

Try a lap dance or pull his/her face into your breasts or crotch. Get on all fours and seductively loosen his/her clothing. Your audience might still be bound to his/her chair, so you can have your way with him/her. Remember this is supposed to be fun for both of you, if things go haywire laugh it off and maybe have your audience help you unzip the stuck zipper.  If you trip when you are in your stripper shoes, turn it into some sexy floor work and show them the goods they want to do naughty things to.

After your initial strip you can continue the sex play to fruition. While on the floor, use your feet to stroke his/her crotch. Turn up the heat by masturbating for your audience. Tease or lick your audience’s tits, finger her pussy, or diddle his cock. As your show concludes touch [or untie] your partner and lead him/her to a full-on fuck. Good luck.

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice.

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others. Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

How Do I Get Him to Spice Things Up?

This is one we get a lot. How do we spice things up in our relationship? For GetLusty, we recommend the 5 pillars of an amazing sexual relationship. Each of these pillars takes work, including communication and sexual technique, as Dr. Dick notes below. We love Dr. Dick! He's one of our favorite sexual educators! With over 30 years of practice, he's here again to answer his readers' questions. Today, Dr. Dick explores the connection between sexual intimacy and sexual performance for our gentlemen readers.

* * *


Name: Catherine Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 42
Location: Canada, Alberta

Dear Dr. Dick,

I am in a very loving, understanding, compassionate relationship, which I have been waiting for for some time now. The only thing is he stimulates my emotional side in every way, but in the bedroom he is not as sexual as previous partners I have encountered.

I do not know if this is because all my previous relationships have always been about the “sex” and fizzled out, shortly there after, or this is how a “real love thing truly is?” If so, how can I mentally get over this one…he’s just not inventive, or has a lack of sexual knowledge. I don’t want to end this loving relationship over the bed issue. Please help me out on this one, so I do not sabotage this relationship.

Sincerely,
Catherine

* * *

Dear Catherine,

Like my momma always used to say, if it has four wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have trouble with it. Listen darlin’, if this guy satisfies as much as you say, hold on to him. He’s a keeper.

You can always teach the old dog some new tricks. Of course, you’re gonna have to take the lead in his sex ed. Let’s just hope he’s not threatened by a woman who is more sexually experienced, adventurous and progressive than he is.

That being said, I think you ought to make your peace with the fact that he’ll probably never become a wild fuck. But then again, you probably don’t want that, because those wild fucks don’t make for loving, understanding and compassionate partners…as you already know.

Just remember: It’s as hard to domesticate a wild fuck, as it is to make a domestic fuck wild!

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice.

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.
Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

Can I Orgasm?

This is another guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS also known as Dr. Dick. GetLusty loves Dr. Dick! He has been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years. Today, he is here to answer a reader's question about if a woman can orgasm after having sex twice.

* * *

Name: Rachel
Gender: Female
Age: 19

Dear Dr. Dick (via GetLusty),

Is it possible for a girl not to be able to have an orgasm after having sex twice?

Thanks,
Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Loads of women, way too many in fact, go through most of their lives being pre-orgasmic. Even having sex on a regular basis and having lots of babies is no guarantee that the woman in question is orgasmic. It’s a staggering statistic that us men simply can’t wrap our heads around. In fact, I believe the earth would stop rotating on its axis if an equal number of men lived most of their lives without being orgasmic.

Now it must be clear to you, even at your tender age, that there are some fundamental differences between the sexes when it comes to sexual enjoyment. But a good portion of that has always been culturally dependent. Men have always had a whole lot more cultural permission to be sexually experimental. And since our willie is just hanging around down there waiting for an invitation to play. Or more precisely it’s our wang that tells us it’s time to play. We get to know our way around our boner early in life. Women? Not so much! Ok, so historically women have been sexually oppressed and repressed. But times they are a changing! And all you women folk out there need to wake up about this.

Nowadays you don’t need nobody’s stinking permission to get real acquainted with your cooch. That’s why I am a really big advocate of the notion that each of us, both the women folk and the men folk, ought to be responsible for our own orgasms even, or more especially, in partnered sex.

If you mean by having sex, (and I hate that ambiguous term), that you’re having full-on cock in cooter fucking, and you’re not being appropriately pleasured, then I think it’s high time for you to take some responsibility for that. I mean you can chalk up just so much sexual disappointment to the sex-negative culture and a slew of offish and uninformed male lovers, darling!

If the man you are with isn’t pleasuring you to orgasm, then it’s your responsibility to take the time to instruct him on how it’s done. If you don’t insist that your partnered sex be mutual and reciprocal, i.e. pleasure for pleasure, then you’re gonna have to suffer the consequences. If loutish men are bumping’ around down there getting their jollies, but leaving you high and dry, literally and figuratively, then you are not taking care of business properly.

Of course, the other alternative is just doing it yourself. Either way, you should have the know-how to bring yourself to orgasm even if you are with an ineffectual lover.

I suppose you know where I’m going with this, huh? Well, here’s the 411 on getting rid of pre-orgasmia once and for all. It is incumbent upon you to be exceptionally well versed in the pleasure points of your own personal pussy so you can pass this information on to the guy who wants to jump your bones. Never, and I mean never, assume a dude is gonna know what to do all on his own. Even a very seasoned lover is not gonna know the particulars of your pussy. But luckily, a seasoned lover will probably ask to be introduced to your cooch as insurance that he does the job right.

Begin by knowing your body and your sexual response cycle inside out. You are intimately familiar with masturbation, right? If not, times a wasting, girl! Start by learning how to pleasure your body to orgasm. Once you get the hang of it, you will likely know the kind of stimulation you need to achieve full arousal in partnered sex, because this is precisely the information you are gonna want to pass on to your partner before the next fuck-fest begins, as well as throughout the event. If you don’t do this, then you probably deserve the sexual wasteland you will surely find.

In other words, if you’re getting it on, but not getting off; you, my dear, need to take some of the blame for that.

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice.

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.

Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

Why Can't I Keep an Erection?

Happy Monday GetLusty readers! Hope your weekend was orgasmic!? In order the start off this week off right, Dr. Dick is here with more answers to your sexual questions! Dr. Dick is one of our favorite sexual educators from Seattle who has over 30 years of practice. Today, Dr. Dick explores the connection between sexual intimacy and sexual performance for our gentlemen readers.

* * *

Name: James
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Location: Canada

Dr. Dick,

During my teenage years I had a few girlfriends and enjoyed having sex with them. There were never any problems. However at around age 20, while still in college, I began to experience sexual dysfunction with my partners after the second or third time we would have intercourse. What do I do?

Signed,
Frustrated James


Dear Frustrated James,

The symptoms were: I’d be horny, have a good erection, but a few minutes into intercourse my penis would start to feel numb and I'd either not be able to have an orgasm or I would lose my erection. I would also start to feel sexually repulsed by my partner. This pattern continued for the next 15 years as a single man. I thought I was simply easily sexually bored and dealt with the problem by breaking off the relationship as soon as the sexual dysfunction would start and move on to someone new. One night stands and new partners were never a problem.

It just happened after we would have a few dates. It also happened when I met my future wife. It didn’t seem to bother her that much although, she thought it might be a good idea to make an appointment to see the doctor about it. After we were married we basically stopped having sex (we weren’t having much to begin with) because it just proved too stressful, humiliating and it had no payoff for me. I started seeing therapists and for the next eight years I went through seven different therapists including marital counselors, sex therapists and psychiatrists.

Now I have been married almost 15 years and the marriage has been sexless. My wife doesn’t like it but has made her peace with it. I can masturbate with no problems at all and have been told by doctors there is nothing physically wrong with me. But none of the therapists were able to pinpoint what was causing my sexual problem. I have had a few sexual encounters outside of my marriage over the years and the sex was great, no problems at all. Mind you none of these “affairs” lasted very long, a half dozen sexual encounters at most. Any ideas what might be causing this inability to ejaculate and inability to keep an erection, plus the feeling of sexual revulsion with a partner after two or three sexual encounters?

Dr. Dick: Yikes James, you just recounted 25 years of deep seeded psychological problems and you expect me to make an insightful comment in the precious little time I can afford any one of my correspondent. That’s a pretty tall order; don’t you think?

Ok, for all it’s worth, here it goes. My guess is that you don’t have a sexual dysfunction at all. But you do have a huge rift between your sexual life and your intimate life. And this expresses itself in the ways you outlined above.

Many people who have difficulty with intimacy can still perform sexually pretty much like everyone else. Obviously the performance thing is not dependent on the intimacy thing. In these cases, sex is rarely more than a mechanical bodily function — get it up, get it on, get it off, the end. The hard part comes when these people try to ground these mechanics in a healthy emotional context.

The fact that you can’t bone the same person more then a couple of times without revulsion, and that you can only tolerate your long-suffering wife if your marriage remains sexless, tells me you need to investigate why you can’t connect sexual expression with intimacy. You exhibit all the classic signs of a sexual dysfunction, but they’re only symptomatic of a much more profound disability. And you’ll never get to the bottom of dysfunctions until you get to the root of your intimacy issue.

When I see a person, like you, in my therapy practice, I try to help my client overcome his/her rift by encouraging him/her to gradually increase the amount of intimacy he is comfortable with every sexual encounter. It’s a simple behavior modification technique. It often is very successful, but most of my clients are highly motivated to heal the fracture in their life. Also, they don’t have a 25-year history of this to overcome.

You on the other hand, don’t seem to be particularly motivated. I can see that you’re curious about your sexual problems, but you’re not making that all important connection between your bodily functions and your emotion capacity. There’s a blockage there that is so ingrained it would be very difficult to undo. It could happen, but you’d have to be very passionate about making it happen and then stick with the therapeutic intervention until there was a breakthrough. This no doubt would involve reversing a lifetime of selfishness and egotism. And I see no evidence that you have that kind of moxy.

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.

Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

Is She Faking an Orgasm?

Have you ever faked an orgasm just to make your lover happy? Well, it's Orgasm October, so we hope not. What if your partner has faked it? Dr. Richard Wagner AKA Dr. Dick, is here to answer a great question about determining if you're seeing a fake orgasm. What's more important, when you move past these, you might want to also consider our other articles on orgasm! Stay tuned and keep reading.

* * *

Name: Ulrich
Gender: Male
Age: 22

Dear Dr. Dick (by way of GetLusty)

How do I know my girlfriend isn’t faking it? She looks like she’s into it, but sometimes it looks like too much drama. I definitely can't tell from this point of view. How do I tell if her orgasm is real?

Signed,
Too much drama

Dear Too Much Drama,

Too much drama? I love it! I’m gonna assume that you’re talking about what appears to be her throws of pleasure — screaming, moaning and thrashing about, just like in the porno movies. I’m not sure I know why women fake it, men sure as hell don’t go out of their way put on a show if their heart and dick ain’t in it. But women often do and sometimes even us benighted men think something’s fishy so to speak.

Maybe the question you are asking, Ulrich, might stem from a concern you have about your own skill as a lover. I suppose the most obvious reason a woman fakes an orgasm is to massage the ego of the guy who is putting it in her. I suppose it’s the path of least resistance after all. It’s easier to fake it than be honest with her lover about his sexual prowess. Of course there’s always the possibility that the woman in question is pre-orgasmic — that she’s never had an orgasm so she may think that this is how it’s done. How sad is that?

You know how there’s little mystery about a dude’s pleasure — he gets it up, he gets it on and he gets it off — pretty cut and dried. And there’s often the evidence of his pleasure in the form of a pool of his own jizz. Although I hasten to add that an ejaculation is not the same thing as an orgasm, but it is rare to have an ejaculation that isn’t somewhat pleasurable.

A chick is very different, don’t you know? Her sexual organs and arousal are mostly internal. So unless she’s a squirter (a G-spot ejaculation that is) there’s only circumstantial evidence that she is being pleasured. I guess that’s why so many women make all that “drama.” It’s to compensate for not having anything as obvious as a hardon and a puddle of spooge. Of course the drama could also be a way of throwing us boys off the scent, so to speak.

However, there are things you can look for that may indicate your partner is enjoying herself. Knowing something about the female sexual response cycle will, no doubt, be very helpful here. If you don’t know your way around this phenomenon, I’d suggest that you have some remedial study to do.

Again, the male sexual response cycle is pretty obvious — he gets wood. For a woman the analogous response is she gets wet. If your lady has a wet pussy, you may be on the right track. Of course lots of women don’t lubricate all that much, so you might not want to rely on this evidence alone.

In this instance you might look for the secondary signs of arousal – these are pretty much the same in both women and men. Our pupils may dilate, our skin may flush, our nipples may erect, our breathing may increase to a pant, our heart rate will defiantly increase and our toes might curl. Not all of these will happen every time to every person, but you get the drift, right?

In terms of the big “O” men and women differ in many respects, but there are some commonalities. Both women and men can have “mini orgasms” as well as “major” screaming memes. Us men folk tend not to pay too much attention to the little tremors, because we know the big one is coming. Women, on the other hand, have less certainty that the big “O” will show up, so they tend to be more aware of the mini ones. Regardless of the gender, a good portion of an orgasm’s physiologic response is the same in all of us. Muscle contractions, specifically the PC (pubococcygeus muscle) in both women and men, and vaginal and uterine muscles in women, signal orgasm. Everything else— the writhing, the shuddering, the fluttering of the eyes and the moans of delight — is gravy.

If the chick you’re bumping has a wild orgasm every single time, I think she’s faking it. If she cums no matter what you’re doing to her, I think she’s faking it. If she sounds like a cheap porn flick, I think she’s faking it. If she’s still doing the “oh yeah baby, you’re the best…make momma scream,” long after you stopped doing whatever you were doing, I think she’s faking it. If she carrying on, yet looking over at the television or the clock, then I think she’s faking it. If there’s no afterglow after a big “O”, I’ll bet she faked it.

If you think you’re with a faker, you might just want to tell her that she doesn’t need to put on a show for you. On the contrary, you both would be better served with a little honesty. Ask her for some feedback; what’s working, what’s not. If you think the chick you’re with is gonna cum as fast as you, you don’t know your way around a pussy.

And here’s another thing you should know; most women don’t cum from having sex alone. So if you think you've got a magic wand in your pants, you are sadly mistaken. If you’re not using your hands and mouth as well as your willie; she’ll likely fake it.

And finally, if you can’t locate her clit to save your life, you can count on her faking it.

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice.

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.

Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

Ladies, Are You Orgasming? Dr. Dick Answers


This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick. We just love Dr. Dick. He's a sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

He answers a reader question about vaginal versus clitoral orgasms. Considering some women can't even have orgasms, we think this is an essential issue for men and women! Read on.

***

Dear Dr. Dick,

Hello. I just discovered your lovely website and wanted to ask you a question that has been on my mind for a while. I seem to have a problem orgasming without stimulating my clitoris.

I suppose that doesn’t really sound like a problem but it’s really starting to annoy me. I would like to be able to still enjoy an orgasm without having to stimulate my clit every time! I love having sex and it feels super duper good but why can’t I climax that way? I mean I am aware of where my G-spot is located and my boyfriend said he’ll be focusing more on hitting it “spot” on. There’s also another thing I have noticed. Sometimes my boyfriend will hit my cervix and it hurts a bit.  Is this even normal? Should he even be able to hit it? Or, is there something abnormal going on here?

Signed,
Wondering

* * *

Dear Wondering,

Let’s see. When you say you “love having sex and it feels super duper good, but why can’t I climax that way?” Are you referring to full-on cock in cooter fucking when you say, “having sex"? The reason I ask is that not everyone means the same thing when they use that trite euphemism.

Since you’re not here to fill in the blanks, so to speak, I’ll assume you want to know why you can’t or haven’t yet had a vaginal orgasm. Before I answer, I just want to say that I hope you are not setting up an orgasmic dichotomy where there doesn’t need to be one. That would truly be unwise.

Ok, now my answer. I can’t really say why your not climaxing while you’re fucking. Other than an exclusively vaginal centered orgasm is a myth. The vast majority of women don’t have vaginal orgasms. In fact, the degree of insensitivity inside a woman’s vagina is so high that Kinsey wrote in his seminal work, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female published back in 1953: “Among the women who were tested in our gynecologic sample, less than 14% were at all conscious that they had been touched.” That’s pretty remarkable, wouldn’t you say?

The vaginal orgasm myth

The vaginal orgasm myth is perpetuated, in part, by women’s confusion and/or lack of knowledge about their own anatomy. Some women believe that an orgasm felt during fucking is centered in their cooch. This suggests to me that they aren’t being precise in locating the center of that orgasm. Other women believe in the vaginal orgasm myth because they think they need to conform to a male oriented notion of female sexuality: insertion + fucking = cuming. And that’s wrong, don’t you know? Just ask all the pre-orgasmic women out there.

But ya know what? I don’t own a pussy myself. All I can tell you is what I have learned from those people who actually have a honeypot. The people I’m referring to, we’ll call them females, tell me vaginal orgasms, mythological or not, may simply be dependent on a tone of a woman’s pelvic musculature. As amazing as pussies are, if the muscles that surround them are not taught and toned enough, a fucking generated orgasm may elude the owner of said pussy.

Some women haven’t developed their PC muscle enough to cum through sex alone. Are you doing your kegels, Wondering? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you have some serious remedial research to do. You could start by reading around my site and listen to podcasts that feature information on our pubococcygeus muscle and kegel exercises.

The elusive vaginal orgasm may also have to do with your partner’s cock, particularly the girth of his unit as opposed to its length. My women friends tell me that a thicker cock may have more of a chance triggering a vaginal orgasm then a pencil dick.

No surprise there, I suppose. Position will also play a role. Why not give a bunch of different positions a try and see if they make a difference? You on top cowgirl style, or doggie style might work best. But it’s your vagina, my dear, and you ought to know it best.

As to your G-spot question

That’s another thing all together. I am so glad that you are familiar with your anatomy enough to have found your own personal G-spot. And it’s great to hear that you have an accommodating partner who is working on stimulating this sensitive area. Good for you both! However, while I wholeheartedly endorse and encourage your further investigations and sex play, I do have one caution. I share the concern of my women friends.

We want you to avoid all the G-spot hype floating around in the popular culture these days. Most women have a good time with their G-spot exploration. They report that it is not particularly difficult to find, but it’s also much harder to pleasure. If a woman, you perhaps, gets it in your head that something amazing is supposed to happen with a G-spot stimulation, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. In the same way some women, you perhaps, set themselves up for disappointment if they buy into the myth of an exclusively vaginal generated orgasm.

I encourage you to see your genitals as a whole, not a bunch of separate parts that somehow work independently of one another. If your pussy is happy and your pussy is making you happy, is it really all that important how the happiness comes to be?

In comparison, us men folk are not all that fussy. What gets us off; gets us off. I never hear from a guy who is disappointed because he’s having an exclusively prostate generated orgasm. They do happen to some men, but most of us aren’t the least bit concerned when they don’t happen to us. I also never hear from a guy who thinks he should be orgasmic through manipulation of his balls alone. That can happen too, but we’re not holding our breath for that.

Change your position

What I do hear from guys is that we often need a particular kind of dick-oriented stimulation to get us off. And this is where the men folk and the women folk are much alike. You, like us, probably need a particular kind of stimulation to get you off. Be it vaginal, clitoral, G-spot, or whatever. If you acknowledge your genitals as a composite of parts that work together to bring you joy, then you’ll be less likely to be swayed by the claims, hype and misinformation about female sexual response.

Finally, regarding the issue of your boyfriend hitting your cervix. Yeah, that’ll hurt. I’d be willing to guess that he’s in the wrong position and being too athletic in his pumping when that happens. If he’s bumping your cervix, but you like the depth and athleticism of his manly thrusts, simply change position. That should remedy the problem.

Good luck.

Originally posted on Dr. Dick's blog.

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.
Copyright © 2011. thethrifters - All Rights Reserved
Proudly powered by Blogger