It's getting toward the end of Orgasm October. We've talked a lot about orgasms. Having different kinds of female orgasms, surprise female orgasms, male multiple orgasms and beyond. It's totally normal to equate a really intense orgasm with great sex. What if we didn't have an orgasm? Tia Champagne is here again to talk about orgasms (or lack there-of) during sex.
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Like many other contributors have already mentioned, achieving orgasm between 2 partners in a relationship requires some practice, communication, and trust. There has to be mental and physical arousal for the body to really finish what could be the highlight of sexual intercourse. However, who said having an orgasm means good sex? Not me.
We all know the definition of sex. Whether it includes oral, anal, or purely penetration, but how many of us really know what good sex is? And does good sex mean having a more than happy, but orgasmic ending? What I'll explain here is not necessarily. When it doesn't, it's not the be-all-and-end all of sex. In fact, it can be an extremely satisfying experience.
Below are 4 tips to feel fully satisfied (and amazing) without reaching orgasm.
#1 Drop the expectations
Having wonderful sex isn't just about having clitoral or other orgasm. Don’t have sex expecting to orgasm. Sometimes, our expectations only lead to disappointment.
You know that cliché quote that says something about life being a journey, not a destination? Well, think of orgasm in that way. If it happens, it happens. But what happens on the way is super important too. Enjoy your time together--be intimate and open. At times, your orgasm will happen. Other times, you might just learn a thing or two about your partner you might not have known otherwise.
#2 Don't be afraid of quickies
For some women, a quickie could be a great time--with or without orgasm. The spontaneity, the rush, and sometimes, the funny awkwardness of it all could be the best sex you’ve had. On the other hand, some women prefer to take an hour--half of that for foreplay and the other for just intercourse. Take the time, even if your partner has a raging boner, to explore each other. If he’s impatient and needs his kick, tease him. Don’t let him get it until you’re ready, too. Teasing doesn’t necessarily have to start before sex—it can also happen during. Moral of this story? Enjoy what’s going on in the moment and don’t focus too hard on what could happen later.
#3 Focus on the fun
When you’re not expecting to orgasm, sometimes you focus on the new tricks you want to try. Backwards cowgirl could be uncomfortable at first for a lot of women.
Maybe the penis is hitting the cervix too deeply. She might feel weird with her anus in his face, or maybe her legs aren’t long enough to get that full bounce.
Either way, when you’re not expecting an orgasm, you’re more likely to change up your routine to learn what other positions turn you on. Taking a little time out to focus on the newness of it all could actually be the best thing you and your partner ever did.
#4 Use your six senses
While doing it, do a little bit more. Don’t just focus on your vagina or his penis. Bite his ears, suck his nipples, smell his hair. Using your six senses could arouse you in a different way than stimulating your clitoris. Watch his penis slide in and out of you. All of a sudden, your partner is your own personal porn star! Allow yourself to watch, listen and feel what’s going on with both of your bodies and not just between the legs.
Overall, orgasm is wonderful. And just one more time for fun-sies, orgasms do make sex a great experience. But sex can also be great without it.
What do you think good sex is and why? Let me know by sending an email at tia@getlusty.com. If you have any questions, concerns, or fantasies you’d like to share—go ahead and email me or leave a comment below. I’d love to talk to ya.
Call her Tia Champagne. She's a recent graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. During her college career, she was part of a volunteer group called the Sexual Health Peers where she bonded with like-minded, sex-positive people from various backgrounds and orientations. She has taught workshops on STDs, birth control, safe sex, and relationships. It was one of the highlights of her college career and allowed her to get involved in Planned Parenthood of Illinois in Action. She was a Campaign Organizer who stood for the reproductive rights of women in Illinois.
As a third-wave feminist, she currently works in the makeup industry promoting what she believes in: women should feel and be as beautiful as they want to without scrutiny. She believes in teaching factual and healthy outlooks on sex and relationships as a way to create a sex-positive culture where future generations can thrive. E-mail me directly at tia@getlusty.com.
* * *
Like many other contributors have already mentioned, achieving orgasm between 2 partners in a relationship requires some practice, communication, and trust. There has to be mental and physical arousal for the body to really finish what could be the highlight of sexual intercourse. However, who said having an orgasm means good sex? Not me.
We all know the definition of sex. Whether it includes oral, anal, or purely penetration, but how many of us really know what good sex is? And does good sex mean having a more than happy, but orgasmic ending? What I'll explain here is not necessarily. When it doesn't, it's not the be-all-and-end all of sex. In fact, it can be an extremely satisfying experience.
Below are 4 tips to feel fully satisfied (and amazing) without reaching orgasm.
#1 Drop the expectations Having wonderful sex isn't just about having clitoral or other orgasm. Don’t have sex expecting to orgasm. Sometimes, our expectations only lead to disappointment.
You know that cliché quote that says something about life being a journey, not a destination? Well, think of orgasm in that way. If it happens, it happens. But what happens on the way is super important too. Enjoy your time together--be intimate and open. At times, your orgasm will happen. Other times, you might just learn a thing or two about your partner you might not have known otherwise.
#2 Don't be afraid of quickies
For some women, a quickie could be a great time--with or without orgasm. The spontaneity, the rush, and sometimes, the funny awkwardness of it all could be the best sex you’ve had. On the other hand, some women prefer to take an hour--half of that for foreplay and the other for just intercourse. Take the time, even if your partner has a raging boner, to explore each other. If he’s impatient and needs his kick, tease him. Don’t let him get it until you’re ready, too. Teasing doesn’t necessarily have to start before sex—it can also happen during. Moral of this story? Enjoy what’s going on in the moment and don’t focus too hard on what could happen later.
#3 Focus on the fun
When you’re not expecting to orgasm, sometimes you focus on the new tricks you want to try. Backwards cowgirl could be uncomfortable at first for a lot of women.
Maybe the penis is hitting the cervix too deeply. She might feel weird with her anus in his face, or maybe her legs aren’t long enough to get that full bounce.
Either way, when you’re not expecting an orgasm, you’re more likely to change up your routine to learn what other positions turn you on. Taking a little time out to focus on the newness of it all could actually be the best thing you and your partner ever did.
#4 Use your six sensesWhile doing it, do a little bit more. Don’t just focus on your vagina or his penis. Bite his ears, suck his nipples, smell his hair. Using your six senses could arouse you in a different way than stimulating your clitoris. Watch his penis slide in and out of you. All of a sudden, your partner is your own personal porn star! Allow yourself to watch, listen and feel what’s going on with both of your bodies and not just between the legs.
Overall, orgasm is wonderful. And just one more time for fun-sies, orgasms do make sex a great experience. But sex can also be great without it.
What do you think good sex is and why? Let me know by sending an email at tia@getlusty.com. If you have any questions, concerns, or fantasies you’d like to share—go ahead and email me or leave a comment below. I’d love to talk to ya.
Call her Tia Champagne. She's a recent graduate of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. During her college career, she was part of a volunteer group called the Sexual Health Peers where she bonded with like-minded, sex-positive people from various backgrounds and orientations. She has taught workshops on STDs, birth control, safe sex, and relationships. It was one of the highlights of her college career and allowed her to get involved in Planned Parenthood of Illinois in Action. She was a Campaign Organizer who stood for the reproductive rights of women in Illinois. As a third-wave feminist, she currently works in the makeup industry promoting what she believes in: women should feel and be as beautiful as they want to without scrutiny. She believes in teaching factual and healthy outlooks on sex and relationships as a way to create a sex-positive culture where future generations can thrive. E-mail me directly at tia@getlusty.com.
