Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes, being monogamous can get boring if you don't constantly work on making things new and exciting. Going on an adventurous date for example. Spicing things up sexually is what GetLusty for Couples is all about. For couples who've been together for years, you might think sex is meant to be utilitarian. No, no. It's all about spice! Our newest writer, Bethany Kibblesmith is here to explore several ideas for spicing things up.
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It happens to all of us at someone point. Things are going fine with you and your partner, your work is fine, your families are fine, and there’s plenty of stuff to cook for dinner. You get what I’m setting up, right? Everything is perfectly lovely. Only things sexually are a little routine, a little predictable, dare I say, boring.
Here are five ideas for mixing it up, shaking the sheets and ending your boring sex streak!
#1 Experiment with lighting!
Do you flip the lights off before you dive into bed and get down’n’dirty? Well, leave them on for once. Seeing the action can completely change your perception of even your most frequently used positions.
Maybe you're the opposite, and like to be able to keep a good eye on all the action (I’m with you!). Well, let go of control for once, flick off the lights and enjoy a completely different range of sensations. The anticipation of knowing but not seeing the touches and any of the potential sexy stuff will add an extra oomph of originality. Or, you can walk the middle road. For those not brave enough for full floodlights illuminating everything or relinquishing control and plunging into dark mystery, take this third option. Light a bunch of candles, as many or few as you want. It’s clichéd for a reason; candlelight is just plain sexy.
#2 Try new positions
Have you noticed GetLusty’s position of the day? You haven’t? No wonder you’re having boring sex! Okay, I’m sorry. That was mean. Let’s start again, okay? What I meant to say is, maybe the blahness of your sexy is because your sex routine is as scripted as your gym routine. Or your morning routine, or your bedtime routine, or… well, you get the point. In a long-term sexual relationship, you and your partner start to know each other’s bodies like you know your own. A new position, even a slightly different take on one of your usual favorites, can refresh and rejuvenate your sexual chemistry.
#3 Schedule sex
This may seem counter to eliminating the routine feeling of your lovemaking, but try to make time for sex. How? Schedule sex with your partner. It sounds terribly unromantic, but considering a recent study found committed, cohabitating couples have sex between 1 and 4 times weekly on average, plan your week accordingly.
How about Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? Okay, so maybe that’s too much. But how about you make time once a week for sex that is unrushed and unstressed? Maybe take a Saturday morning for slow sex, a steamy shower, and more sex, post-shower. Find what works for you and your partner, but always, always, always make time for intimacy.
#4 Play with foreplay
Foreplay. Some of it may have fallen by the wayside since your teenage years. Some may be gathering dust now that you’re in a committed relationship. What I suggest is approaching your foreplay differently. Whatever your standard pre-sex activities are, be it a quick make-out and grope or be it a prolonged session of oral sex (cunnilingus, guys?). Go into foreplay with the mindset that whatever foreplay you’re engaging in is the main feature. It's not just the preview. Rather than see your foreplay as a warm up for sex, treat it like the only thing you’re doing that night. Treat it like it’s the only thing in the world. Play, touch, feel, relax.
#5 Location, location, location
On vacation, life seems totally different, doesn’t it? A change of location does wonders for the psyche, and can do the same for your sex life. Now, I’m not suggesting you need a jaunt to Paris, a quick ski trip in Aspen, or skinny dipping in the Gulf of Thailand (though skinny dipping is a sexy thing to do!).
Changing location changes your mindset, which works for vacation, but can work for sex too. Have you considered switching things up. How about trying kinds of sexy activities across your apartment? Picking a different room gives you a different set of possible positions--so bend over that living room sofa, use that kitchen counter for more than chopping veggies, and get ready to see how much weight that dining room table can hold! Breaking out of your normal sex place should help to break you out of your normal sex mindset.
* * *
It happens to all of us at someone point. Things are going fine with you and your partner, your work is fine, your families are fine, and there’s plenty of stuff to cook for dinner. You get what I’m setting up, right? Everything is perfectly lovely. Only things sexually are a little routine, a little predictable, dare I say, boring.
Here are five ideas for mixing it up, shaking the sheets and ending your boring sex streak!
#1 Experiment with lighting!
Do you flip the lights off before you dive into bed and get down’n’dirty? Well, leave them on for once. Seeing the action can completely change your perception of even your most frequently used positions.
Maybe you're the opposite, and like to be able to keep a good eye on all the action (I’m with you!). Well, let go of control for once, flick off the lights and enjoy a completely different range of sensations. The anticipation of knowing but not seeing the touches and any of the potential sexy stuff will add an extra oomph of originality. Or, you can walk the middle road. For those not brave enough for full floodlights illuminating everything or relinquishing control and plunging into dark mystery, take this third option. Light a bunch of candles, as many or few as you want. It’s clichéd for a reason; candlelight is just plain sexy.
#2 Try new positions
Have you noticed GetLusty’s position of the day? You haven’t? No wonder you’re having boring sex! Okay, I’m sorry. That was mean. Let’s start again, okay? What I meant to say is, maybe the blahness of your sexy is because your sex routine is as scripted as your gym routine. Or your morning routine, or your bedtime routine, or… well, you get the point. In a long-term sexual relationship, you and your partner start to know each other’s bodies like you know your own. A new position, even a slightly different take on one of your usual favorites, can refresh and rejuvenate your sexual chemistry.
#3 Schedule sex
This may seem counter to eliminating the routine feeling of your lovemaking, but try to make time for sex. How? Schedule sex with your partner. It sounds terribly unromantic, but considering a recent study found committed, cohabitating couples have sex between 1 and 4 times weekly on average, plan your week accordingly.
How about Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? Okay, so maybe that’s too much. But how about you make time once a week for sex that is unrushed and unstressed? Maybe take a Saturday morning for slow sex, a steamy shower, and more sex, post-shower. Find what works for you and your partner, but always, always, always make time for intimacy.
#4 Play with foreplay
Foreplay. Some of it may have fallen by the wayside since your teenage years. Some may be gathering dust now that you’re in a committed relationship. What I suggest is approaching your foreplay differently. Whatever your standard pre-sex activities are, be it a quick make-out and grope or be it a prolonged session of oral sex (cunnilingus, guys?). Go into foreplay with the mindset that whatever foreplay you’re engaging in is the main feature. It's not just the preview. Rather than see your foreplay as a warm up for sex, treat it like the only thing you’re doing that night. Treat it like it’s the only thing in the world. Play, touch, feel, relax.
#5 Location, location, location
On vacation, life seems totally different, doesn’t it? A change of location does wonders for the psyche, and can do the same for your sex life. Now, I’m not suggesting you need a jaunt to Paris, a quick ski trip in Aspen, or skinny dipping in the Gulf of Thailand (though skinny dipping is a sexy thing to do!).
Changing location changes your mindset, which works for vacation, but can work for sex too. Have you considered switching things up. How about trying kinds of sexy activities across your apartment? Picking a different room gives you a different set of possible positions--so bend over that living room sofa, use that kitchen counter for more than chopping veggies, and get ready to see how much weight that dining room table can hold! Breaking out of your normal sex place should help to break you out of your normal sex mindset.
We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as GetLusty's newest writer. She's passionate about keeping it sexy inside and outside the bedroom in her own relationship and in yours.
Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at Bethany@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!
