We recently posted an article by Camille Crimson on, the “Top 5 Reasons Porn Can Be Beautiful.” But what if it isn't? What if you don't think porn can even be beautiful? Maybe you're watching bad porn. Maybe you just don't like porn in general. What then? In this series, Mary will address the implications of pornography on relationships. To start off, we'll address why some don't believe in porn.
“It just feels like a competition,” shared a female friend of mine. “I am never going to look like that.” Sound familiar? For those of us who can remember the crackling of America Online (AOL), trying to make a connection, we know how mind-boggling the availability of online pornography once was. Gone are the days of sneaking into your father’s stash of magazines (with actual pages!) or scrolling hungrily thought the index of a health textbook for the good parts (anyone else but me?). At any moment we are seconds away from a plethora of any type of sex we can imagine, and a lot that we can’t. And while many point to this as evidence of a more sex-friendly society, or a safe way to explore fantasies, many are left feeling anything but turned on.
We’d like to explore these fears and take away their power. You don’t have to get on the porn bandwagon to arrive at good sex. But fear isn't a good reason to write off a potentially enriching part of your sex life. Here are five objections to porn that we'll address in subsequent posts. Our newest writer, Mary-Margaret McSweene reports.
* * *
#1 “But I’ll never look like that” Is it any secret that most women spend a good chunk of energy comparing themselves to others? It’s one thing when your husband has a hot co-worker. They probably aren’t having many naked conversations around the water cooler. Well, depending on your workplace, I suppose. So compare all you want, but eventually your husband will share that this hot co-worker has some unforgivable trait that would preclude him from ever straying. Perhaps she buys Folgers or prefers carpeting to hardwood. You know, the big things in life that bind us together or fling us apart. But you don’t know what’s wrong with a porn star. In fact, her job is to appear as if nothing at all is wrong with her. How can you compete?
#2 “Why do you need a sexual experience outside of me?"If your partner is using porn without you, maybe you wonder why they need something outside of time spent together. If your partner is suggesting that the two of you watch porn together, you could be feeling like you aren't enough. And these are not thoughts that make one feel very lusty.
#3 “Porn is violent”
Perhaps a lot of the porn you've seen or heard about makes you nervous due to content alone, regardless of your partner's relationship with it. How can one person's definition of degrading be another person's turn-on? And what does that say about us, and our partners?
#4 “Is everyone consenting?”
Maybe you've heard that women in porn have little to no agency. Why would you, or your partner, want to support such an industry?
#5 “Porn will change my partners expectations”
We know what goes on in our beds. But what about on the screen? Is our partner into something completely new and foreign to us? Is it something we can’t even do for them, ever? Is it more exciting than what we can offer?
Mary-Margaret McSweene is a writer and graduate student in Chicago. Her undergraduate degrees are in Social Justice Studies and Feminist Theory which basically means she knows how to ruin a dinner party by calling bullshit on another guest. She spends inordinate amounts of time thinking, reading and writing about feminist issues, punctuated by brief respites to enjoy good tea and good beer. Contact her at editorial@getlusty.com.
