Women! How to Encourage Better Cunnilingus
This was one of the most popular articles from Orgasm October so we decided to edit and update it for your reading pleasure!One of the main questions floating around the GetLusty office is why there are relatively few cunnilingus classes in Chicago. One hypothesis we've heard from event organizers as to why they have such a hard time filling seats for cunnilingus classes is that we women don't tell our husbands or lovers they could use some...ahem...lessons.
So, of course, we've got to address this issue. We think both sexes should constantly improve on their techniques. For women, sometimes we're afraid to ask for what we want. Don't be! Here are some ways you can communicate to him exactly what your vagina wants and needs. GetLusty's Lora Swarts reports.
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1. Think before you speak
Before you start talking and potentially getting off track, think about how to approach this subject. Consider your partner's feelings and write a list of everything you want to discuss. You want to avoid any negativity and hurt feelings.
Before you start talking and potentially getting off track, think about how to approach this subject. Consider your partner's feelings and write a list of everything you want to discuss. You want to avoid any negativity and hurt feelings.
Rather than tell your guy all the things he is doing wrong and potentially causing a fight, explain to him the things he does that make you feel the best. He will get the hint without you making him feel like an inadequate lover. If something is not working for you, then let him know in a way that puts a positive spin on it. For example, if you like it slow in the beginning, tell him to slow it down because you love the way he makes you feel. That lets him know you enjoy the sensations without being negative to him.
3. Give clear directions
This is an important way to let your guy know exactly what you want while he is going down on you. Again, be positive to avoid any hurt feelings. If you enjoy his fingers penetrating you while his tongue is caressing your clitoris, let him know! Men want to please us, and would appreciate clear directions and feedback.
This is an important way to let your guy know exactly what you want while he is going down on you. Again, be positive to avoid any hurt feelings. If you enjoy his fingers penetrating you while his tongue is caressing your clitoris, let him know! Men want to please us, and would appreciate clear directions and feedback.
Tell your partner what a wonderful job they're doing. Positive reinforcement through a moan, groan, or statement, will let your guy know he is doing an awesome job. When he knows you love something he is doing, he will likely keep doing it!
5. Make it an activity!
If your guy is an active learner, then he will get the most out of physically going down on you. He will be able to truly explore and put all your words into action. Why not suggest you both work on your oral sex techniques and take turns pleasing each other? This way you can openly tell your guy what feels best in the moment. He can begin to explore without feeling nervous or intimidated because the ultimate goal is getting you off.
Remember, while he is going down on you, stay positive, be clear and employ reinforcement.
If your guy is an active learner, then he will get the most out of physically going down on you. He will be able to truly explore and put all your words into action. Why not suggest you both work on your oral sex techniques and take turns pleasing each other? This way you can openly tell your guy what feels best in the moment. He can begin to explore without feeling nervous or intimidated because the ultimate goal is getting you off.
Remember, while he is going down on you, stay positive, be clear and employ reinforcement.
Lora is the GetLusty Editorial Intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, spending too much money on soy lattes or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend in their north side apartment. You can find her on Twitter @honeynutlo.
Have any questions about our editorial content? Contact her at Lora@GetLusty.com.
Your Vagina is Beautiful: 10 Artful Pics (NSFW)
It's getting towards the end of Orgasm October, so we wanted to emphasize the importance of your vulva and vagina! Sometimes we as ladies don't think our vulvas and vaginas are pretty. Not true.
They're lovely in all shapes, colors and sizes. Here's a compilation of pictures from our favorite blog, the Beauty of Vagina's Tumblr.
We're also very inspired by the gorgeous Vulva 101 coffee table book we recently received in the mail. Check out these gorgeous pictures! Enjoy your vulva's, vagina's and your body.
We've included this top picture so you can share this page freely on social media. Do share your vulva love!
With love,
Erica Grigg
Chief Lust Officer & Editor
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Love what you're reading? Don't forget to sign up for our beta launch starting December 1!
3 Books on Giving the Best Cunnilingus
Today, the GetLusty HQ is winding down Orgasm October, and I'm here to provide you with some fantastic resources that will keep the spirit of the month flowing for long after. I have three recommendations of great books about female cunnilingus for your partner or for yourself. If knowledge is power, think of these three books are cunnilingus power plants! Because our Cunnilingus 101 article was so well received, GetLusty's Brendan White is here to give you three wonderful resources on cunnilingus for your best oral sex ever!
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#1 She Comes First: the Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a WomanWilliam Morrow Paperbacks, 2010
Author: Ian Kerner
This book dispels the misconception that genital penetration is the primary way to bring a woman to climax. Kerner is a clinical sexology doctorate holder and his wit and candor is as entertaining as it is informative.
We at GetLusty love this particular book because Kerner focuses on several of the 5 Pillars we hold so dear, touching on health and communication in addition to sexual technique. The book's format is concise, logical and easy to chew. It's useful for any level of experience, be you a cunnilingus veteran or newbie; so don't be shy, and pick up this book today! Giving great pleasure feels good and fosters connection and appreciation between you and your lucky partner.
#2 Clit-ology: Master Every Move from A to G-spot to Give Her Ultimate Pleasure
Quiver, 2011
Authors: Jordan LaRousse, Samantha Sade
Clitology is a male-oriented book with a target audience of heterosexual men. Be assured, this is not a textbook! It's filled with large images and informative bits alike. It also includes information about how your partner's genitals will change with pregnancy and menopause.
This book leaves the shores of cunnilingus to venture into the sea of the G-spot and fingering and more. Written by founders of the top erotica site Oysters & Chocolate Jordan LaRousse and Samantha Sade, "Clit-ology" delivers helpful information and pictures in a rhetorically straightforward and friendly fashion. Check it out, it'll be work your time!
#3 The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips
Seven Stories Press, 2000Author: Rebecca Chalker
Rebecca Chalker, a professor of Women's and Gender Studies at Pace University in New York City, presents us with a well known book on female sexuality, The Clitoral Truth. This book explores more than anatomy and sexual technique, diving into the importance of self-exploration and the history of the clitoris.
What this book lacks in pure utility, it makes up with its historiographical meandering of sex and the clitoris - a lacking element in the typical "become a cunnilingus commander in 3 easy steps" books that seem to saturate the market.
While it may not penetrate as deeply in terms of sexual technique, The Clitoral Truth is a wonderful reference for a more well-rounded understanding of the clitoris throughout history, how it works, and your relationship to it! Slightly stockier than the last book — ringing in at 256 pages — this book is a determined weekend project. When you finish, you'll likely know the most about the clitoris in your immediate and extended group of friends and, let's be honest, that fact alone should make The Clitoral Truth rise on your bucket list of books to read.
I'm on the younger side of the hill, but my sexual education growing up was an antiquated and very Roman Catholic one. This meant I had a lot of independent exploring and learning (and downright powerful embarrassment) to get out of the way when it came to sex. Reading about sex, talking about sex, learning about sex and sex in general seems to be a cultural taboo in our country, for a variety of reasons. Regardless, sex is a subject too many people know too little about. I encourage you to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Pick up a book about sex today!
What to get in touch with him? E-mail Brendan at brendan@getlusty.com.
Podcast! Cheryl Sloane on Pleasing Your Partner & Owning Your Sexuality
G boutique opened in Chicago in 2002 as a lingerie and sex toy shop owned and operated by women, for women. Ten years later, it is one of the city's premier boutiques for selling top-notch products in an environment that is both comforting and empowering for women. At GetLusty, we're all about taking control of your own sexuality, so we caught up with owner Cheryl Sloane and recorded it for your listening pleasure. Here's what she had to say:
More on what we talked about:
- Why the need for a shop like G Boutique? According to Cheryl, "To create an environment that promotes sexual education and a place where women can feel comfortable buying anything they needed for sex and romance."
- Her advice to newer couples who are still getting to know each other? Take time to find out what pleases your significant other and learn about them — while orgasms are great, there is more to a healthy relationship than just climaxing!
- Having difficulty achieving an orgasm with your partner? There may be lingering emotional, biological and physical factors involved, but relaxation and communication are key, Cheryl believes.
- What are Cheryl's recommendations for couples looking to keep things fresh and exciting? If you have an interest in something, research it and get the information first before discussing it with your partner, so you can have an educated conversation and explore those secret fantasies together. (Hint, hint — Check out GetLusty!)
More about Cheryl:Born and raised in Chicago, Cheryl Sloane lived and worked in Bucktown in Chicago for 15 years before opening g boutique. Here's how it happened: Cheryl and (former co-owner) Kari wanted to write erotic fiction.
After many brunches they got this crazy idea that Chicago wanted a boutique where women would feel comfortable buying everything they need for romance. Without a retail background, Cheryl called upon her theatre friends to help design a comfortable boutique where people would enjoy shopping. G boutique was always imagined as a place to build and support community. That was in 2002. Now, ten years later, she is thrilled to be helping people explore their intimate relationships in a safe, friendly environment. Connect with Cheryl and the g boutique staff on their website, on Facebook and Twitter @gboutique, or visit G Boutique, located at 2131 North Damen in Chicago, Illinois.
After many brunches they got this crazy idea that Chicago wanted a boutique where women would feel comfortable buying everything they need for romance. Without a retail background, Cheryl called upon her theatre friends to help design a comfortable boutique where people would enjoy shopping. G boutique was always imagined as a place to build and support community. That was in 2002. Now, ten years later, she is thrilled to be helping people explore their intimate relationships in a safe, friendly environment. Connect with Cheryl and the g boutique staff on their website, on Facebook and Twitter @gboutique, or visit G Boutique, located at 2131 North Damen in Chicago, Illinois.
Sending Love to the East Coast
Dear Readers,We're having a hard time reporting on sex when our friends and loved one's in New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut and the entire East Coast are plumeted with rain and win.
Many of those there are experiencing a state of emergency. 46 people have been reported dead so far. Now, more than 6 million homes and businesses are without power. Today more than 7,500 National Guard troops and airmen were on duty in Connecticut, Delaware, Maine, Maryland, North Carolina, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Virginia. So far, this superstorm is projected to have an 'unthinkable' aftermath. Conditions are dangers and only getting worse.
We're sending our loving, patience and positive vibes to the East Coast and all those affected by Hurricane Sandy.
Much love,
Erica Grigg
Chief Lust Officer
Erica Grigg is our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, social entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to end boring sex. If you don't see Erica riding around Chicago on her cruiser or at a diner with her adoring husband, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook and Google+, or get a hold of her at erica@getlusty.com. 6 Types of Sit Ups for Better Posture
Disclaimer: Please be mindful of your body. If something hurts, please don't keep doing it. Consult your doctor before trying a new fitness and diet regimen. Please don't sue GetLusty for Couples.
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A key factor to sexuality is your posture. Your stance alone can easily identify the kind of person you are. Whether you slouch over or stand with confidence. You don’t need to have the perfect face or body to be sexy. It’s all about confidence in your character and yourself. Sit-ups help with your posture as well as tone the muscles that both sexes find extremely attractive.
There are hundreds of sit-ups to do, but I am going to list some simple sit ups to advance that work out your abdominal muscles to the V cut which many people struggle to get. Either way, having a strong core is great for your mind, body and sexuality. So stay strong and start with these sit ups!
The order is from easiest to hardest.
#1 The traditional sit-upThe easiest to start with you lay flat on the ground bend your knees and keep your feet flat on the ground. You keep your hands either behind your head hands interlaced or keep them in front of you crossed over your chest. If you’re a beginner, this exercise will require you to have someone hold your feet in place. If you are at that advance stage, do the sit up without anyone holding your feet. Make sure your feet aren't moving all over the place, though. Simply go up till your elbows pass your knees and go back down.
#2 Crunches
Similar to the sit up. The only difference is instead of going all the way up. You only go up half-way so using your abdominal muscles. You can also criss-cross each hand on your shoulders for slightly less support.
#3 Bicycles
You start similar to the sit up. Except now you lift your legs off the ground and keep them bent in the air. Your hands stay behind your head interlaced. You bring your left knee and right elbow to touch as close as you can while your right leg straightens out. Come back to the starting position and do the same for the right knee and left elbow. The faster you can do this work out the better, the more of a burn you feel.
#3 Bent leg raise
How to get into this one? Lay flat on your back knees bent and you place your hands at the lower part of your back. Then, bring your legs into your chest and then extend them outward, keeping your feet 6 inches above the ground and chin to your chest. Hold this position for 60 seconds, then bring them back into your chest and back to placing your feet flat on the floor again.
#4 Side bridgeFor this exercise, start on your side stack. Your feet on top of each other and your forearm under your shoulder, your other hand placed over your belly button or on your hip. Lift your hips off the floor keep your body in a straight line from head to toe. Do this exercise for 60 seconds (or start off with 20 seconds and work your way up), then switch over to your side and repeat the same steps.
#5 V-Up
For the starting position, lay flat on the ground with your hands at a forty-five degree angle, palms facing downward. Your head is tucked into your chest about one to two inches off the ground. Then, raise your upper body and legs up in the shape of a V as your hands stay flat on the ground. Bring your body back down slowly keeping your head and feet off the ground. Your feet should be about two inches off the ground when returning to the start position. Start off with at least 10 to get a feel for the exercise.
The starting position is you sitting down hands placed by your hips with your legs slightly off the ground creating a forty five degree angle with your body.
First, bring your legs to the left side of your body as close as you can. Then return to the starting position and have your legs go to right side. This is a four count sit up. That's considered one!
Well done, GetLusty readers. You've worked out your abs and gotten closer to having great health and a positive posture.
Arturo Chilaca has a wealth of knowledge on health. He's a workout buff, Army reserve and helping others become fit. Favorite things to do would be workout, basketball, helping other get into shape, and enjoying a good movie. Arturo is a very open-minded guy and he wants to make the most of life in gain new experiences constantly. Get in touch with him at editorial@getlusty.com.
You Should Know: Your 11 Sexual Rights
Did you know you have sexual rights? Both women and men--regardless of your orientation--have sexual rights. And given our current political situation, we thought now was an excellent time to consider our sexual rights. Does your candidate support women's sexual and reproductive rights? Amy Jo Goddard explains more about your sexual rights; where they come from and why they're important to you!
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Given the latest attacks on women’s sexual and reproductive rights and the responses of many critical thinking lawmakers about men’s sexual rights, I thought it was high time I posted the actual Declaration of Sexual Rights.
I’ve often heard people’s surprise at the idea of having sexual rights. I hope you’ll give some thought to the eleven rights that my colleagues at the World Association for Sexology drafted back in 1999. Bring into the light how important it is that we address sexuality as a fundamental part of who we are and of our total freedom, equality and certainly, our pursuit of happiness.
Below is the Declaration of Sexual Rights expanded. It is adopted from the 14th World Congress of Sexology, Hong Kong, 1999. That document was itself adopted from the Universal Declaration of Sexual Rights.
Sexuality is an integral part of the personality of every human being. Its full development depends upon the satisfaction of basic human needs such as the desire for contact, intimacy, emotional expression, pleasure, tenderness and love.
Sexuality is constructed through the interaction between the individual and social structures. Full development of sexuality is essential for individual, interpersonal, and societal well being.
Sexual rights are universal human rights based on the inherent freedom, dignity, and equality of all human beings. Since health is a fundamental human right, so must sexual health be a basic human right.
In order to assure that human beings and societies develop healthy sexuality, the following sexual rights must be recognized, promoted, respected, and defended by all societies through all means. Sexual health is the result of an environment that recognizes, respects and exercises these sexual rights.
The 11 Sexual Rights:
#1. The right to sexual freedom. Sexual freedom encompasses the possibility for individuals to express their full sexual potential. However, this excludes all forms of sexual coercion, exploitation and abuse at any time and situations in life.
#2 The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body. This right involves the ability to make autonomous decisions about one’s sexual life within a context of one’s own personal and social ethics. It also encompasses control and enjoyment of our own bodies free from torture, mutilation and violence of any sort.
#3 The right to sexual privacy. This involves the right for individual decisions and behaviors about intimacy as long as they do not intrude on the sexual rights of others.
#4 The right to sexual equity. This refers to freedom from all forms of discrimination regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, age, race, social class, religion, or physical and emotional disability.
#5 The right to sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure, including autoeroticism, is a source of physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual well being.
#6 The right to emotional sexual expression. Sexual expression is more than erotic pleasure or sexual acts. Individuals have a right to express their sexuality through communication, touch, emotional expression and love.
#7 The right to sexually associate freely. This means the possibility to marry or not, to divorce, and to establish other types of responsible sexual associations.
#8 The right to make free and responsible reproductive choices. This encompasses the right to decide whether or not to have children, the number and spacing of children, and the right to full access to the means of fertility regulation.
#9 The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry. This right implies that sexual information should be generated through the process of unencumbered and yet scientifically ethical inquiry, and disseminated in appropriate ways at all societal levels.
#10 The right to comprehensive sexuality education. This is a lifelong process from birth throughout the life cycle and should involve all social institutions.
#11 The right to sexual health care. Sexual health care should be available for prevention and treatment of all sexual concerns, problems and disorders.
Amy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator who blogs regularly at www.amyjogoddard.com. She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about.
As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program in New York City and travels the US teaching courses and speaking at sexuality events. Visit www.amyjogoddard.com to get your free copy of her "Bringing Sexy Back: How to Revitalize a Dwindling Sex Life" audio class! Follow her on @amyjogoddard on Twitter.
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Given the latest attacks on women’s sexual and reproductive rights and the responses of many critical thinking lawmakers about men’s sexual rights, I thought it was high time I posted the actual Declaration of Sexual Rights.
I’ve often heard people’s surprise at the idea of having sexual rights. I hope you’ll give some thought to the eleven rights that my colleagues at the World Association for Sexology drafted back in 1999. Bring into the light how important it is that we address sexuality as a fundamental part of who we are and of our total freedom, equality and certainly, our pursuit of happiness.
Below is the Declaration of Sexual Rights expanded. It is adopted from the 14th World Congress of Sexology, Hong Kong, 1999. That document was itself adopted from the Universal Declaration of Sexual Rights.
Sexuality is an integral part of the personality of every human being. Its full development depends upon the satisfaction of basic human needs such as the desire for contact, intimacy, emotional expression, pleasure, tenderness and love.
Sexuality is constructed through the interaction between the individual and social structures. Full development of sexuality is essential for individual, interpersonal, and societal well being.
Sexual rights are universal human rights based on the inherent freedom, dignity, and equality of all human beings. Since health is a fundamental human right, so must sexual health be a basic human right.
In order to assure that human beings and societies develop healthy sexuality, the following sexual rights must be recognized, promoted, respected, and defended by all societies through all means. Sexual health is the result of an environment that recognizes, respects and exercises these sexual rights.
The 11 Sexual Rights:
#1. The right to sexual freedom. Sexual freedom encompasses the possibility for individuals to express their full sexual potential. However, this excludes all forms of sexual coercion, exploitation and abuse at any time and situations in life.
#2 The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body. This right involves the ability to make autonomous decisions about one’s sexual life within a context of one’s own personal and social ethics. It also encompasses control and enjoyment of our own bodies free from torture, mutilation and violence of any sort.
#3 The right to sexual privacy. This involves the right for individual decisions and behaviors about intimacy as long as they do not intrude on the sexual rights of others.
#5 The right to sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure, including autoeroticism, is a source of physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual well being.
#6 The right to emotional sexual expression. Sexual expression is more than erotic pleasure or sexual acts. Individuals have a right to express their sexuality through communication, touch, emotional expression and love.
#7 The right to sexually associate freely. This means the possibility to marry or not, to divorce, and to establish other types of responsible sexual associations.
#8 The right to make free and responsible reproductive choices. This encompasses the right to decide whether or not to have children, the number and spacing of children, and the right to full access to the means of fertility regulation.
#9 The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry. This right implies that sexual information should be generated through the process of unencumbered and yet scientifically ethical inquiry, and disseminated in appropriate ways at all societal levels.
#10 The right to comprehensive sexuality education. This is a lifelong process from birth throughout the life cycle and should involve all social institutions.
#11 The right to sexual health care. Sexual health care should be available for prevention and treatment of all sexual concerns, problems and disorders.
Amy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator who blogs regularly at www.amyjogoddard.com. She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about. As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program in New York City and travels the US teaching courses and speaking at sexuality events. Visit www.amyjogoddard.com to get your free copy of her "Bringing Sexy Back: How to Revitalize a Dwindling Sex Life" audio class! Follow her on @amyjogoddard on Twitter.
