Sometimes our lovers feel like they're due our sexual responses because we're married (or coupled). This couldn't be farther from the truth! We're a couple. Dedicated to each other. But your communication of love and mine might be very different. I might be having a very long day. I might be really depressed about an engagement with family, friends or co-workers.
Let's just say it: sometimes we want to have sex. Sometimes we don't. What O.M. Grey talks about in this article is the importance of love and respect before, during and after couples make love. This works with both sides. My husband might be feeling the same feelings. He might not want to make love. We must respect and love each others' wishes around sex and sexuality. Finding a good ground takes communication, respect and tons of love. So during Orgasm October, be extra aware of this. He or she doesn't want to make love? How about masturbation? It's the next best thing! Why she should masturbate, and why he should masturbate.
* * *
Respect. That’s what it’s all about.
Too many men treat women as a sperm receptacle, a warm ejaculatory tool, and then walk away. Sometimes run away. Afraid of commitment or of losing themselves or a number of other unfortunate reasons. The women are left feeling used and tossed aside, and it’s not fun. Show some respect.
Sex is a gift. Seriously.
And it’s not always (although it is usually and therefore stereotypically) men who devalue sex. Sometimes women do, too. They use it for a tool or a ploy or a manipulation tactic. Sex is a gift two people give to themselves and each other. It can be beautiful and hot and wet and ecstatic, and it can be horrible, too. Whatever it can be, it’s almost always intense. There is no other way two people can explore and experience each other, physically as well as emotionally.
These great lines are taken from the Torchwood episode, “Out of Time”
“There’s nothing casual about what we just did. Sex shouldn’t be devalued. Both parties should give it 100% concentration. Because when you take off together, its the next best thing to flying.”
Sex shouldn’t be devalued. Ever. What many men don’t seem to understand is that sex for most women means something. They are quite literally opening up themselves and taking another person into their body. It’s highly intimate and profound. Respect that. It is a great gift for your partner to make love with you. Treat it as such.
In polyamory (or think back to singledom) sex doesn't equal commitment
On the flip side, when in a polyamorous relationship, don't think every sexual engagement is a commitment to take on another partner. Remember when you were single? And you thought a one-night stand was a relationship? Well, that didn't work so well, either.
Every sexual act does not need to lead to commitment or marriage, so don’t hyperbolize my meaning here. Friends can have great sex, the coveted “friends with benefits” arrangement or “fuck buddies,” but don’t assume it means nothing. It doesn’t have to mean the rest of your lives, but acknowledge that your friendship is likely on a deeper level than your friends with whom you don’t have sex. Just ensure you are both on the same page, or it could be disasterous for your friendship.
Certainly there is nothing wrong with NSA sex or just hooking up. Nothing at all. It can be very liberating and fun for both parties, just don’t assume she understands that. The default feelings for women are much deeper when it comes to sex. For most women, they need to feel a certain connection with a man before allowing them in.
Nestled in the mountains of Northern California, Olivia M. Grey lives in the cobwebbed corners of her mind writing paranormal romance with a Steampunk twist. She dreams of the dark streets of London and the decadent deeds that occur after sunset. As an author of Steamy Steampunk, as well as a poet, blogger, podcaster, and speaker, Olivia focuses both her poetry and prose on alternative relationship lifestyles and deliciously dark matters of the heart and soul.
Let's just say it: sometimes we want to have sex. Sometimes we don't. What O.M. Grey talks about in this article is the importance of love and respect before, during and after couples make love. This works with both sides. My husband might be feeling the same feelings. He might not want to make love. We must respect and love each others' wishes around sex and sexuality. Finding a good ground takes communication, respect and tons of love. So during Orgasm October, be extra aware of this. He or she doesn't want to make love? How about masturbation? It's the next best thing! Why she should masturbate, and why he should masturbate.
* * *
Respect. That’s what it’s all about.
Too many men treat women as a sperm receptacle, a warm ejaculatory tool, and then walk away. Sometimes run away. Afraid of commitment or of losing themselves or a number of other unfortunate reasons. The women are left feeling used and tossed aside, and it’s not fun. Show some respect.
Sex is a gift. Seriously.
And it’s not always (although it is usually and therefore stereotypically) men who devalue sex. Sometimes women do, too. They use it for a tool or a ploy or a manipulation tactic. Sex is a gift two people give to themselves and each other. It can be beautiful and hot and wet and ecstatic, and it can be horrible, too. Whatever it can be, it’s almost always intense. There is no other way two people can explore and experience each other, physically as well as emotionally.
These great lines are taken from the Torchwood episode, “Out of Time”
“There’s nothing casual about what we just did. Sex shouldn’t be devalued. Both parties should give it 100% concentration. Because when you take off together, its the next best thing to flying.”
Sex shouldn’t be devalued. Ever. What many men don’t seem to understand is that sex for most women means something. They are quite literally opening up themselves and taking another person into their body. It’s highly intimate and profound. Respect that. It is a great gift for your partner to make love with you. Treat it as such.
In polyamory (or think back to singledom) sex doesn't equal commitment
On the flip side, when in a polyamorous relationship, don't think every sexual engagement is a commitment to take on another partner. Remember when you were single? And you thought a one-night stand was a relationship? Well, that didn't work so well, either.
Every sexual act does not need to lead to commitment or marriage, so don’t hyperbolize my meaning here. Friends can have great sex, the coveted “friends with benefits” arrangement or “fuck buddies,” but don’t assume it means nothing. It doesn’t have to mean the rest of your lives, but acknowledge that your friendship is likely on a deeper level than your friends with whom you don’t have sex. Just ensure you are both on the same page, or it could be disasterous for your friendship.
Certainly there is nothing wrong with NSA sex or just hooking up. Nothing at all. It can be very liberating and fun for both parties, just don’t assume she understands that. The default feelings for women are much deeper when it comes to sex. For most women, they need to feel a certain connection with a man before allowing them in.
Originally posted on O.M. Grey's blog.
Like your relationship, sex takes talking, negotiation and lots of communication. Make sure if you feel your partner isn't giving you respect--demand it! You (along with your partner) are in charge of the amazing-ness of your relationship.
Also, a quick note! Throughout October, we'll be giving away products, discounts and special privileges to our GetLusty community. For example, by October 15th, we're giving away a Sqweel 2, the world's best selling oral sex toy. Become a member of our growing community. 'Like' us on Facebook and/or subscribe to our eNewsletter to join in (and win in the process).
Nestled in the mountains of Northern California, Olivia M. Grey lives in the cobwebbed corners of her mind writing paranormal romance with a Steampunk twist. She dreams of the dark streets of London and the decadent deeds that occur after sunset. As an author of Steamy Steampunk, as well as a poet, blogger, podcaster, and speaker, Olivia focuses both her poetry and prose on alternative relationship lifestyles and deliciously dark matters of the heart and soul.Her work has been published in various anthologies and magazines like Stories in the Ether, Steampunk Adventures, SNM Horror Magazine and How The West Was Wicked. Her premier Steampunk BDSM erotica novel, Avalon Revisited, is an Amazon.com Gothic Romance bestseller. She loves to host tea parties, and she runs a delightful game of charades, Victorian style. Follow her on Twitter @omgrey and subscribe to her on Facebook.
